Once Disney took a more draconian handle on Pixar, it was inevitable that they’d make the tiny, massively-gifted studio start churning out sequels and prequels to their most marketable hits. A couple years ago, they made Cars 2, which focused on Mater, the character that sold the most toys, and later this year we’ve got an offshoot called Planes. But first, Monsters University, in which we get to see the monsters from Monsters Inc. learning the job skills they’ll need to one day land a job at Monsters Inc.
Here are 10 other unnecessary prequels.
Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
You want to know how Harry and Lloyd met? They met in high school. Where the hell else were they going to meet?
Oz The Great and Powerful
All about how Professor Marvel made his way to Oz and how everything went to shit before Dorothy showed up. However, the entire premise of this movie doesn’t make any sense, because Oz was dreamed up by a little girl in a dream and didn’t ever exist.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Useless in the sense that they’re making another movie about how Wolverine learned to schnickity-schnickity.
Puss in Boots
These Shrek movies are an orgy of cheap pop cultural references kids cynically designed to sell Happy Meals and stuffed toys, but apparently the story is really filled out if you know more about the backstory of Antonio Banderas’ lazy Zorro impression. KIDS LOVE ZORRO.
Alien vs. Predator
In which we find out that the Alien is so mean, so bloodthirty, so evil, is because when he was young, he was soured on life after a romance gone wrong with Predator, the one that got away.
Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist
I like how the word “prequel” is in the title, to let us know that this is a bad idea straightaway. They would still have had to put that word in the title if they’d called it what they should have called it, which is Adventure Priest Goes to Africa.
The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas
If you like rock puns and lesser Baldwins, this movie is stone-cold awesome.
The First 9 1/2 Weeks
Finally, some backstory so all that fucking has some meaning.
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
When the word prequel entered the public consciousness and Star Wars was no longer bulletproof, this movie is not as bad as you remember, particularly Space C-SPAN and the frequent use of the word “yippeeeeee.”
I have no idea what’s going on right now. By the end I was pretty sure this was both a prequel to Event Horizon and a sequel to Starship Troopers.