Taco Bell and I have a relationship that dates back to an infamous church youth group trip in the late ’80s, when I was living in the Chicago suburb of Joliet. On this particular road trip, I took the challenge on a dare that I could eat 10 tacos in one sitting — and surpassed the goal, packing in 14 tacos in about 20 minutes. The story became legendary with friends and family, accessorized with slanderous details of alleged gassy side effects that the other passengers were forced to endure thanks to my little stunt, for the entire van trip home, a charge which I continue to deny to this day.

In the years to follow, I’ve watched and wondered in silent amazement at the knack that Taco Bell has for continuously making new creations out of the same basic seven ingredients, and each time it tastes different somehow. How the hell do they do that?

As an underpaid working professional with no money in my 20s, I ate Taco Bell a lot. For five bucks, you could grab food for a couple of days and forget, for one brief moment, how bad you were getting screwed by the man.

My not-so-inner fast food junkie eventually branched out from the traditional tacos and burritos, first with the Mexican Pizza – two crisp shells packed with ground beef (is it really?) and beans, topped with pizza sauce and multiple cheeses, please hold the tomatoes. I discovered that 20something me could easily pack away two of those bad boys, and potentially a soft taco or two if I really wanted to kill my will to do anything for the rest of the day. (more…)