
Forgive me for another column without a Q&A, but if it helps, I’ve tried to make this one interesting by filling it with several really embarrassing stories about myself.
When it comes to the great moments of making a fool of myself in my journalistic career, I suppose you could say it’s a testament to what I’ve learned over the years that almost all of them took place in the ’80s and ’90s rather than in recent years. For instance, I learned not to go from memory when you’re writing a record review after I wrote a review of the soundtrack to “Athens, GA: Inside/Out” for my high school newspaper and suggested that R.E.M.’s live version of “Swan Swan H” was better than the studio version - which I’d only heard once and didn’t own - because this acoustic version wasn’t overwhelmed by the orchestration on the original. (Interestingly, no-one called me on this. I knew nobody read that thing.) I also learned not to believe everything your interview subject tells you after Sean Kelly, lead singer of the Samples, fed me a bunch of bullshit about what he and his fellow bandmates did when they weren’t touring - gourmet cooking, bird watching, casting mirrors - and me being a naive kid doing his college internship, I saw no reason not to believe him and let it get printed. (This is why I got so pissed off when Jack White mocked journalists who foolishly believed a “joke” the White Stripes had printed in one of their press releases about how none of their studio equipment was made after 1963.)
Really, though, it’s just one lesson that has served me the most: if you sense you’re about to say something stupid, keep your fucking mouth shut.
I can’t begin to tally up the retroactive embarrassment I still feel at my insistence of asking the infamous “if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be, and why” question during phone interviews because I thought the artists would remember me when I met them at their shows. I asked this of Gillian Gilbert of New Order, and when I did indeed meet her and remind her that I was “the guy who asked the tree question,” and she replied, “Oh, it’s you,” but it wasn’t in what you’d call a good way. Still, she signed my Low Life poster, anyway. But there are three moments in particular, however, where I never recovered from stupid comments.
3. I interviewed Roddy Frame in connection with the release of Aztec Camera’s Dreamland album, and I casually mentioned how I saw him do a solo acoustic performance in his stint as opener for Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians, observing that half the crowd left the venue immediately after he finished. He immediately went into protective-big-brother mode and said - hand on heart, this is the exact phrase - “Don’t diss Edie.” I try to explain that all I meant was that the area’s Aztec Camera fans were so diehard that they were willing to pay to see him in any capacity, even that of opening act. He didn’t really care why I’d made the comment, though, instead simply saying, “That’s fine, but don’t diss Edie.” The interview never truly got back on track after this…which was bad, as it took place in the opening moments of our conversation.
2. I’m backstage at a Little River Band show. Peter Beckett, late of Player (”Baby Come Back”), is touring as a member of the group at this time, and he’s also preparing to drop a solo album, featuring a cover of Stories’ “Brother Louie.” He makes an offhanded comment about how he’s hoping to get loads of airplay. As someone who’s grown sick of repetition on the airwaves, I echo his hopes but, in a well-intentioned manner, also offer to keep my fingers crossed that it doesn’t fall victim to oversaturation. He shoots me a withering look, says, “Frankly, I’ll take too much airplay over not enough. If you’ll excuse me,” and he walks away.
1. The industry standard of embarrassment, as far as I’m concerned. I got backstage to meet Elvis Costello after his performance on the Mighty Like A Rose tour in 1991. At this early point in my career, I’d never been backstage before, so I was a little nervous. He comes out to greet those of us in the backstage area, and someone says, “Hey, Elvis, that was a great show.” He modestly says, “Thanks. Thanks a lot. It was a little bit hot, though. I probably should’ve taken off my jacket.” Having been paying no attention to what he’s just said, I choose this moment to praise him by saying, “You’re a genius.” Within the context, it sounds suspiciously like I’m saying, “Nice work on not taking off your jacket, dumbass.” He chooses to move on to another group of fans. I hang my head in shame.
There’s one other moment of embarrassment from the ’90s that I still remember vividly, but the reason it stays with me is because, despite being arguably the stupidest thing I’ve ever said in an interview, it did not permanently derail the proceedings…and I don’t know why, because based on how prickly I’ve seen this gentleman be in interviews with other journalists, I can’t believe he didn’t either go off on me or hang up outright.
That man…was Robin Gibb.
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