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Bootleg City: Arizona, It Was Nice Knowin’ Ya

Robert Cass June 4, 2010 21

On April 23 Arizona governor Jan Brewer signed into law the state’s controversial immigration bill, which aims “to identify, prosecute and deport illegal immigrants,” according to the New York Times, and gives police the right to question anyone they suspect of being an illegal immigrant. It’s safe to assume that Brewer, in spite of her surname, isn’t a fan of Mexican beer.

Well, guess what? I’m not a fan of Arizona! That’s why I’m taking the lead of other municipal leaders across this great nation and issuing a Bootleg City boycott against all things Arizona. Here’s a partial list of what’s being banned:

• Arizona Iced Tea;
• Arizona Cardinals football jerseys;
• Arizona Diamondbacks baseball caps;
• actual cardinals and diamondbacks that look or sound suspiciously like Arizona natives (don’t be afraid to ask for identification);
• Arizona-transplanted Native Americans who leave a trail of tears wherever they go — I REFUSE TO CLEAN UP YOUR SOGGY MESS!
• boring stories about how you visited the Grand Canyon and it was the most amazing thing you ever blah blah blah;
• the ghost of Arizona senator John McCain (actually, the ghost of the guy who ran for president in 2000 isn’t so bad, but the guy who ran in ’08 — oh, brother …);
• senior citizens, unless they’ve got candy and pharmaceuticals they’re willing to share;
• former Arizona governor and current Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano;
• Concrete Blonde frontwoman Johnette Napolitano, because you can never be too vigilant when it comes to Napolitanos;
• the song “By the Time I Get to Phoenix,” which might as well contain the subtitle “It’ll Be Blindingly White”;
• the band Phoenix — they’re French, not Mexican, but if you miss the days of “freedom fries,” you’ll appreciate this throwback gesture;
• sand (it really does get everywhere);
• sunlight.

I will accept a warm front of dry heat from the Copper State, but only if it’s better than this humid weather we’ve been having lately. I know I’ve said before in emotional TV interviews that I wasn’t crying, it’s that my eyeballs were sweating, but yesterday morning the lie became the truth.

This week’s bootleg comes to us from musician David Ragland, who hails from— Tucson, Arizona?! My God, these Arizonians have already crossed the border into our fair city! Soon they’ll be taking the low-paying jobs we don’t want and quietly going about their business right under our noses! Dear God, what if we end up learning some words and phrases from these Arizonians’ “language” without even trying!

Fine, I’ll make one exception this week, but that’s it. The bootleg is a recording of Patty Griffin performing on April 13 of this year at the Rialto Theatre in— Tucson?!

Close the border! Close it!

Standing
If I Had My Way
Wade in the Water
[interlude: Scott and Buddy]
Little Fire
Death’s Got a Warrant
Move Up
[band introduction]
[intro to "Heavenly Day"]
Heavenly Day
Coming Home to Me
[interlude: Texas]
I Do Believe
[intro to "Get Ready Marie"]
Get Ready Marie
Mary
[intro to "Never Grow Old"]
Never Grow Old
Love Throw a Line
Strange Man
Waiting for My Child
I Smell a Rat
House of Gold
[interlude: World Vision plug]
We Shall All Be Reunited
No Bad News
Up to the Mountain
Why Get Up

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POSTED IN » Bootleg City, Music
About the author: Robert Cass View all posts by
Robert Cass lives in Chicago and is a 2012 graduate of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign's master's program in library and information science. He currently works as a freelance copyeditor and performs improv comedy with Koleno at the Playground Theater, while at Popdose he spearheads the collaborative series 'Face Time (with Jeff Giles and Mike Heyliger).

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  • http://www.popdose.com jefito

    Fucking hysterical. I love Patty Griffin, and I don't even need to hear the music to love this column. Great picture, too. ¡Viva Cass!

  • side3

    …the playing of “Arizona” by Mark Lindsey?

  • JonCummings

    You can't ban “Raising Arizona,” though. Or the Maniacs' “Painted Desert” — particularly since it's about somebody who never actually goes to Arizona.

  • Dan

    Arizona Iced Tea is made on Long Island. NY.

  • http://mulberrypanda96.blogspot.com rwcass

    If it says “Arizona,” it's got to go!!!!

  • twojams

    Wow – thanks so much for posting this. I just saw her (Patty, not Jan) last night and am still a little buzzed from the performance. She had to shorten the set and end early because of lightning, so we didn't get to hear several tunes that were planned. Still was an amazing show. I just don't think there's a talent like her on the music scene right now.

  • adorno

    hey douche, Arizona Iced Tea is made in NY

    Why don't you get a clue before you open your mouth?

  • http://mulberrypanda96.blogspot.com rwcass

    I'm not claiming my jokes are funny, but you do realize they're jokes, right?

    And is there any minority you don't have a problem with, Adorno?

  • http://www.popdose.com jefito

    Now I'M going to boycott Arizona Iced Tea, just because the people who drink it are obviously humorless jerks.

  • http://jabartlett.wordpress.com jabartlett

    If that's Theodor Adorno, whose work I remember reading in college, he probably *doesn't* understand the concept of jokes.

  • Matt

    You've got a lot of nerve posting something like this the same week that Rue McClanahan dies. I don't normally read your posts, but after reading this, you can be sure that I will not be back to Popdose, for many reasons. And for what it's worth, I love Airizona Iced Tea. So take that, asshole!

  • http://mulberrypanda96.blogspot.com rwcass

    And as my girlfriend just pointed out, if Arizona Iced Tea is made on Long Island, then where did Long Island Iced Teas originate? ARIZONA?!

  • http://mulberrypanda96.blogspot.com rwcass

    Glad you like it! David Ragland was very kind to offer Popdose this concert.

  • http://mulberrypanda96.blogspot.com rwcass

    Wow! How did you figure out all of my rude Rue McClanahan anagram jokes so quickly?

  • http://mulberrypanda96.blogspot.com rwcass

    I forgot about “Raising Arizona.” That's one of my favorite movies, so I was probably holding back on a subconscious level. But I will have to ban it because of its name — or should I just ban every movie Nicolas Cage has made with Jerry Bruckheimer instead?

  • http://www.facebook.com/davidragland David Ragland

    Haha- that made me laugh. Thanks for posting this, Robert and Popdose! It was a great show. There are a lot of us in AZ against SB1070 and the other AZ political decisions making the national headlines. I would certainly support a ban of the Ghost of of John McCain. You should see his campaign signs all over the place right now. I have to see “Drill Baby Drill” everywhere I go.

  • Matt

    Charlotte Rae is going to get you, dirtbag!

  • http://twitter.com/tcote Thierry Côté

    Jokes, just like music and any other type of “low” culture, are just a product of capitalist culture industries that aim to turn the masses into silent, docile consumers. So, yeah, Adorno – funny guy!

  • http://mulberrypanda96.blogspot.com rwcass

    As a guy from Georgia who loves where he grew up but thinks the Confederate flag had its day a looooooong time ago, I know where you're coming from, David.

    Thanks again for the bootleg!

  • http://www.reverbnation.com/joelynch Joe

    The law only allows people to be questioned about citizenship IF they are stopped for breaking another law. (much like the seatbelt laws in some states, you can't be stopped for not having it, but if you speed and you don't have it on, you get a ticket for both)

    And if someone is stopped and has a driver's license, they they are probably not illegal anyway. So basically the only people who are questioned about citizenship will be those already breaking other laws, or those stopped for traffic violations who do NOT have licenses.

    Thanks for being another one of those people who are contributing to the liberal hysteria without knowing what the law actually says. And hey, isn't this supposed to be about music anyway?

  • http://mulberrypanda96.blogspot.com rwcass

    The law may only allow that, but I doubt people are only going to be questioned by the police under those circumstances. Ask any black person in any state and you'll hear that the unofficial offense of DWB is something they're pulled over for all the time.

    > And hey, isn't this supposed to be about music anyway?

    Not necessarily. With these Bootleg City columns, I often try to put a silly twist on current events, whether they're national or happening in Chicago, which is where I live. I'll freely admit that if I lived in Arizona I'd probably have a different take on this immigration law than I do from here in Illinois, but I doubt I'd support it. But to each his own, of course.