“Cuccurullo took the plunge into adult print in 2000, appearing in a nude photo spread in Brazilian gay publication, G magazine, in which he appeared with a full erection in many photographs.

“In July 2001, he relaunched his fan club website, adding additional members-only sections that included sexually explicit material of himself having sexual relations, music downloads, a chat room, Q&A section, and message board. Despite his rapidly enlarging fanbase among gay males (and despite persistent rumors and requests), his adult material is all heterosexual in nature. Later that year, he created the 'Rock Rod,' a self-modeled dildo that sold through the manufacturer's website and in adult stores.

“In 2004, all adult material was removed from his website. Many clips of his porn work are regularly circulated on the web.”

On the other hand …

“Andy Taylor hooked up with ex-Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones and recorded the hit single 'Take It Easy' (US #24), which was used as the theme song to the movie 'American Anthem.'”

And who doesn't like American anthems? Vote for me, citizens of Bootleg City, and you'll have plenty to sing about AND be proud about. Most importantly, I won't be waving any “Rock Rods” in your face if I'm re-elected.

CAN YOU SAY THE SAME ABOUT MATT WARDLAW?

“Cuccurullo took the plunge into adult print in 2000, appearing in a nude photo spread in Brazilian gay publication, G magazine, in which he appeared with a full erection in many photographs.

“In July 2001, he relaunched his fan club website, adding additional members-only sections that included sexually explicit material of himself having sexual relations, music downloads, a chat room, Q&A section, and message board. Despite his rapidly enlarging fanbase among gay males (and despite persistent rumors and requests), his adult material is all heterosexual in nature. Later that year, he created the 'Rock Rod,' a self-modeled dildo that sold through the manufacturer's website and in adult stores.

“In 2004, all adult material was removed from his website. Many clips of his porn work are regularly circulated on the web.”

On the other hand …

“Andy Taylor hooked up with ex-Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones and recorded the hit single 'Take It Easy' (US #24), which was used as the theme song to the movie 'American Anthem.'”

And who doesn't like American anthems? Vote for me, citizens of Bootleg City, and you'll have plenty to sing about AND be proud about. Most importantly, I won't be waving any “Rock Rods” in your face if I'm re-elected.

CAN YOU SAY THE SAME ABOUT MATT WARDLAW?

“Cuccurullo took the plunge into adult print in 2000, appearing in a nude photo spread in Brazilian gay publication, G magazine, in which he appeared with a full erection in many photographs.

“In July 2001, he relaunched his fan club website, adding additional members-only sections that included sexually explicit material of himself having sexual relations, music downloads, a chat room, Q&A section, and message board. Despite his rapidly enlarging fanbase among gay males (and despite persistent rumors and requests), his adult material is all heterosexual in nature. Later that year, he created the 'Rock Rod,' a self-modeled dildo that sold through the manufacturer's website and in adult stores.

“In 2004, all adult material was removed from his website. Many clips of his porn work are regularly circulated on the web.”

On the other hand …

“Andy Taylor hooked up with ex-Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones and recorded the hit single 'Take It Easy' (US #24), which was used as the theme song to the movie 'American Anthem.'”

And who doesn't like American anthems? Vote for me, citizens of Bootleg City, and you'll have plenty to sing about AND be proud about. Most importantly, I won't be waving any “Rock Rods” in your face if I'm re-elected.

CAN YOU SAY THE SAME ABOUT MATT WARDLAW?

Greetings again, my dearest mortal enemy.

I have to admit that I am slightly shocked:

That's a low blow, even by your standards.

Since you brought up Duran Duran – I'll note that when they got around to trimming the fat, they didn't get rid of Simon – they wisely kicked Andy Taylor right to the curb. Why put up with that BS guitar player when you can just call Warren Cuccurullo?

It's that same curb that you will find yourself sitting on when the informed citizens of Bootleg City cast their votes in November. Perhaps Mr. Taylor will still be there, and you can sit there and talk about where it all went wrong.

Unfortunately, Mr. Taylor has DD royalties to fall back on, while the best that you'll be able to do is to start working on that book – “My Bootleg City of Ruins.”

Meanwhile, I'll be playing the part of Warren Cuccurullo when the kind citizens of Bootleg City come calling.

Simon Le Bon. Really, that's all that needs to be said.

“Vic-vic-victorious!” You won't be doing any Duran Duran song-title paraphrasing come November 3, Wardlaw!

Allow me to help fix the title of track 11, which should be:

“Skating Away on the Thin Ice of a Failing Campaign.”

I bid you farewell for now, Cass. I'm off to spend some more time with the many jubilant supporters of my campaign, all of whom are looking forward to a better Bootleg City soon. A Bootleg City that as you can probably guess, will be minus one Mayor Cass.

Yes we can!