If Bootleg City needs an “intelligent leader,” I struggle to understand how you currently hold the position. Cocaine mighta been a helluva drug, but I assure you that even Marion Berry is somewhere right now shaking his head in regards to your handling of the affairs of Bootleg City.

Oh yes, and speaking of affairs – I guess we probably shouldn't discuss and air dirty laundry here publicly should we, Mr. Mayor? How'd ya like that one? That's what we call a good old fashioned campaign smear of the highest quality. Not even Bill Clinton's speech writers coulda tossed that one off with as much ease as I just did.

My dearly departed former colleague Ronald Reagan once shared the following wisdom, “I've often said there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse. ”

Rest assured Cass, I am on that horse, and I am coming for you.

If Bootleg City needs an “intelligent leader,” I struggle to understand how you currently hold the position. Cocaine mighta been a helluva drug, but I assure you that even Marion Berry is somewhere right now shaking his head in regards to your handling of the affairs of Bootleg City.

Oh yes, and speaking of affairs – I guess we probably shouldn't discuss and air dirty laundry here publicly should we, Mr. Mayor? How'd ya like that one? That's what we call a good old fashioned campaign smear of the highest quality. Not even Bill Clinton's speech writers coulda tossed that one off with as much ease as I just did.

My dearly departed former colleague Ronald Reagan once shared the following wisdom, “I've often said there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse. ”

Rest assured Cass, I am on that horse, and I am coming for you.

I'm not the one who went over the Ricky Martin poster. That must've been David Byrne. You know he loves foreign musicians, whereas I'm an isolationist all the way. Or it was a prank pulled by the ghost of Bob “Jacob” Marley. Do your homework, sir.

“Lame duck,” you say? When did the town charter get a once-over limiting mayors to one terms? Again, do your homework. This town needs an intelligent leader, not just a guy with rhyming-couplet sound bites, don't you agree?

Cass, Kiss my ass!

I've been out campaigning and visiting daily with many of the supportive citizens here in Bootleg City, and as a result, I've been unable to reply until now. Plus, it felt a little bit silly to reply to essentially the “lame duck” mayor, i.e. person who will be gone and no longer a concern of mine, very shortly.

But then I came home to find the giant life-size poster of Ricky Martin hanging in the campaign headquarters.

Really, Cass? That's the best you can do?

The visit from Creed merely served as an initial warning shot, prior to these recent events. Now, I can tell you that it. is. ON..

Drop the sass, Cass. Your ass is mine.

Fan-tas-tic!

Now, THAT is how you put a positive spin on a negative situation.