Bottom Feeders: The Ass End of the ’80s, Part 36

Hey! It’s Wednesday, so let’s continue taking a look at the letter G and the ass end of the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

Andy Gibb and Victoria Principal
“All I Have to Do Is Dream” — 1981, #51 (download)

This checks in at #24 on my bottom 80 songs of the ‘80s list. I’m a fan of the Bee Gees, and since Andy could have very well fit right in with his brothers, I can’t say I dislike him either. This shit just wasn’t necessary, though. At the time he recorded this he was dating Victoria Principal, but getting a little vajayjay shouldn’t translate into a record. I wonder whose idea this was — Andy’s, Victoria’s, or the drugs? Whichever way, someone should have spoken up and convinced them just to make this a “special” gift to each other rather than subject us to it.

Robin Gibb and Marcy Levy
“Help Me” — 1980, #50 (download)

Here’s another pretty shitty track from a Gibb brother, a duet with Marcy Levy off the Times Square soundtrack. In the ‘70s Levy sang with Bob Seger’s band, the Gap Band and then Eric Clapton’s band, among others. In 1988, she became half of Shakespeare’s Sister (under the name Marcella Detroit). Robin also recovered from this mess, releasing two decent solo records in the coming years (1983’s How Old Are You and 1984’s Secret Agent).

Terri Gibbs
“Rich Man” — 1981, #89 (download)

This has never really been on my radar before, but after listening to it again, I had to pull out the album (1981’s Somebody’s Knockin’) and give it another shot. It’s definitely a country record, but with some nice bluesy influences that make it worth a second listen. Gibbs made herself a decent career through the country charts, and then in 1987 took more of a gospel turn and began to fade away. She’s one of the few blind artists to have hits in the decade, having been so since birth.

Debbie Gibson
“We Could Be Together” — 1989, #71 (download)

With how well-known Debbie Gibson was, it’s kind of hard to believe she really only had a three-year run at the charts. Her first album, Out of the Blue, gave us five hits in ’87 and ’88, and her second record, Electric Youth, gave us four more, including “We Could Be Together,” which was the final one. From 1990 forward she only had two more charting singles. Deborah now has a decent theater career, and in 2007, she even introduced the public to Electric Youth: The Musical, which is something I hope I never, ever stumble across. And of course, the little girl didn’t exactly age poorly, as proven when she displayed the ta-tas for all to see in the March ’05 edition of Playboy.

Gidea Park
“Seasons of Gold” — 1982, #82 (download)

You know by this point that I hate these stupid mash-up tracks, but maybe it’s because we haven’t had one in a while that I don’t find this to be so offensive. Gidea Park is essentially Adrian Baker, who is probably best known as one of the touring vocalists with the Beach Boys on three separate occasions, beginning in 1981. In addition to “Seasons of Gold,” Gidea Park also did “Beach Boy Gold” and “California Gold” in ’81-‘82 and released various remakes of Beach Boys songs in the next couple years.

Johnny Gill and Stacy Lattisaw
“Perfect Combination” — 1984, #75 (download)

This is a pretty great R&B ballad from friends Johnny Gill and Stacy Lattisaw. Lattisaw had already had 10 songs on the R&B charts, while Gill was just starting his career, having had only two singles before this. Lattisaw was 18 at this point, and her sound and songs were starting to sound a bit more mature than when she started out at the age of 13. While she had a significant amount of hits, Johnny Gill became the household name as a member of New Edition and with hits like 1990’s “Rub You the Right Way.”

Mickey Gilley
“True Love Ways” — 1980, #66 (download)
“You Don’t Know Me” — 1981, #55 (download)

Mickey Gilley was already a country superstar at this point in his career, but adding a slightly poppier feel to his songs helped him cross over a few times. His biggest Hot 100 hit was his cover of “Stand By Me,” off the Urban Cowboy soundtrack. “True Love Ways” began a string of six straight and 10 of 11 to chart at #1 on the country charts as well.

David Gilmour
“Blue Light” — 1984, #62 (download)

Off David Gilmour’s second solo record, About Face. I’ve read that this track has been voted in the past as the worst solo song from any member of Pink Floyd. It’s no surprise how great I think it is, then, as I don’t like Pink Floyd and, well, my taste usually sucks.

Gina Go-Go
“I Can’t Face the Fact” — 1989, #78 (download)

Although quite a different style, this would have almost been the perfect moniker for the solo career of Go-Go’s drummer Gina Schock. “I Can’t Face the Fact” is actually the only charting hit for Latin dance artist Gina Gomez.

“Lonely in Love” — 1985, #57 (download)
“I Must Be Dreaming” — 1986, #52 (download)

Ah, such pathetic bullshit. First of all, guitarist Gregg Giuffria needed to be slightly more creative than naming his band after himself (we’ll revisit this in week #40), which doesn’t flow off the tongue very well (it’s okay if it rolls nicely — like, say, Van Halen). Then, of course, there’s the problem of calling yourself a hard rock band and creating sappy-ass crap like “Lonely in Love.” Now I know that last statement isn’t quite fair, as every arena rock band in the ‘80s created ballads, but there’s just a much different feel to this track as compared to “Open Arms” from Journey. “I Must Be Dreaming” is slightly better, but not unlike 100 other bands in the same timeframe.

Glass Moon
“On a Carousel” — 1982, #50 (download)

The rarest track of this post, Glass Moon was led by British singer Dave Adams. This Hollies cover was their only charting single.

“Solid Rock” — 1983, #71 (download)

Named after Australian monitor lizards, this Aussie band’s only US hit comes from their first full-length, Spirit of Place. Whether actually true or not, Sprit of Place is billed as the first successful rock record to feature a didgeridoo as a main instrument.

“Get Up and Go” — 1982, #50 (download)
“Yes or No” — 1984, #84 (download)

If you look at the charts, the Go-Go’s really didn’t have much success. They only had four top 20 hits and eight total hot 100 tracks. But of course it was the fact that they were an all-woman band, with punk influences, that wrote their own songs and played all their own instruments, that really made them what they are. “Get Up and Go” is the second single from Vacation and the only song that charted on that record aside from the title track. “Yes or No” is their final single from the ‘80s, off Talk Show, and is actually my favorite Go-Go’s song.

Golden Earring
“The Devil Made Me Do It” — 1983, #79 (download)
“When the Lady Smiles” — 1984, #76 (download)

Golden Earring only charted five songs in the US, while nearly 40 made it in their home country of the Netherlands. “The Devil Made Me Do It” was the second single from their 18th album, Cut, which featured the bigger hit “Twilight Zone.” It’s also one of only a handful of songs in this series with curses in it! Oooh, naughty. “When the Lady Smiles” probably should have been another big hit for them, but the lack of US success seems to be at least partially blamed on MTV for banning the video, which featured two rapes (one of a nun) and a dog eating part of the singer’s brain. Banned. You don’t say?

Good Question
“Got a New Love” — 1988, #86 (download)

Back when we were covering the letter F, I mentioned how I thought The Family was one of the worst projects Prince had some physical presence on. Good Question probably released the worst album on Paisley Park Records. “Got a New Love” is by far the best song on the self-titled record, which isn’t saying much. It’s just a ridiculously bad mix of pop, dance and R&B from this duo out of Philadelphia, PA. I’m not sure what Prince saw in these guys to sign them in the first place, though in reality if you look at the stable of Paisley Park artists, almost all of them were one and done. Prince is a brilliant artist but not the greatest talent scout.

Robert Gordon
“Someday, Someway” — 1981, #76 (download)

One of three songs penned by Marshall Crenshaw for Gordon’s album Are You Gonna Be the One, “Someday, Someway” didn’t propel this rockabilly legend to stardom like many hoped, but at least partially paved the way for The Stray Cats to become huge in the following years.

Best song: Johnny Gill and Stacy Lattisaw, “Perfect Combination”
Worst song: Andy Gibb and Victoria Principal, “All I Have to Do Is Dream”

Next week, we’ll finish up the letter G with an extended post featuring one of the top Christian artists of all time and some classic rap tunes.

  • David_E

    Umm … wasn't Greg Guiffria a keyboard player?

  • tvh

    I believe that is correct. He played in Angel too. Yes, Angel.

  • David_E

    And House of Lords after Giuffria, if memory serves. And … Blue Murder? … No, wait. That was that Whitesnake dude. But House of Lords, I'm pretty sure about …

  • rob

    I remember Goanna being one of the first new bands I discovered via MTV (OK, in NYC, we didn't get the channel until after my freshman year in college). I still think it's a killer song and the diggeroo definitely adds to it.

    I wonder: How many folks heard the Robert Gordon version of “Someday Someway” before they even heard of Marshall Crenshaw? That's how it was for me.

  • tvh

    Right – House of Lords, speaking of Bottom Feeders!

    Yeah, Whitesnake dude and fellow pretty boy John Sykes was in Blue Murder, along w/ Thin Lizzy and Tygers of Pan Tang.

    What does it all mean?!

  • Bulbuous Projection

    Marshall Crenshaw RLZ!!!

  • steed

    Oh yes, “guitarist” is actually incorrect. He was a keyboardist. My bad – thanks for the catch. House of Lords is also correct – that's who we'll be visiting in post 40.

  • steed

    I am the opposite way – I heard Crenshaw's version first.

  • arensb

    Was the synth track on “On a Carousel” stolen from the Cars' “Magic”, or was it the other way around?

  • breadalbane

    This version of “On A Carousel” predates “Magic” by two years. So there ya go.

  • breadalbane

    I still prefer Crenshaw's version, which I also heard first.

    For me, though, the top song off Crenshaw's first album was the non-charting third single, “Cynical Girl”.

  • Jack Feerick

    Man. I'll forgive a lot for the sake of “Radar Love,” but 80s-model Golden Earring really was pretty tacky, huh? There's no sleaze like Euro-sleaze, I guess.

    Between this and the clip for Krokus's “Screaming In The Night” (which surfaced recently on VH1 Classic), the Dutch have a lot to answer for.

  • breadalbane

    “Solid Rock” and “Yes or No” are the class of the field here, in my estimation.

    The Terri Gibbs track is completely new to me, and is a bit of an unexpected surprise. She's got the pipes, and the song's not bad. Only the somewhat by-rote backing band drags things down a little. Still, it's good enough to make me wonder what else she's recorded — maybe I'll keep an eye out for that album.

    By the way, I only count the Go-Go's as having seven Hot 100 entries, not eight. (The top 20s: “We Got The Beat”, “Our Lips Are Sealed”, “Vacation”, “Head Over Heels”, additional top 40 entry “Turn To You”, plus the two you've posted.) Am I missing one?

  • JohnHughes

    “The Whole World Lost Its Head” charted in the '90s, if I'm not mistaken. I don't have my Withburn with me, though.

  • DwDunphy

    “Mary Ann” all the way here, but that whole album is fun and a picture perfect debut.

  • steed

    Damn it, I think this was the first post I've written at 3 am while my son was up. 7 is right. “The Whole World Lost Its Head” was '94 and never charted. (#108 – bubbling under?)

  • Gary Lucy

    Giuffria, oy! Back in my record store days this one metal head chick would pick this album every time when it was her turn for in-store play. Haven't thought about it since. Horrible, yet oddly comforting.
    I LOVE this column, and really look forward to it every week. The back half of the countdown was always my favorite part, since that's where the fringier stuff was. The front half was the songs you were sick of already. You really provide a valuable service, rescuing songs that would otherwise be lost to history. I hope the young folks might read it and realize there was more to the 80's than “Safety Dance” and “Everybody Wang Chung Tonight”.

  • JonCummings

    Glass Moon's music is less rare than it used to be. Their first (only?) two albums are available on eMusic. There's some other good stuff on the second album, in addition to “On a Carousel.”

  • Pingback: David Gilmour “Blue Light”…Plus Some Golden Earring, and Giuffria. « Rock God Cred()

  • thefxc

    Indeed, many things about Giuffria are ridiculous and indefensible. But, deity help me, “Call To the Heart” is my favorite AOR song of the decade: awesome metal-ambient synth work by Giuffria himself, and a dramatic vocal/keyboard outro. And really, how ballsy is it to name a hard rock band after the keyboardist?

    Speaking of ballsy, I guess we get Amy Grant next week…

  • wags

    I definitely heard the Robert Gordon version of “Someday, Someway” before Marshall Crenshaw's.

    Not sure what it is for me about Aussie's and rock music — Men At Work was the first vinyl I ever owned — but I thought Goanna, which I'm pretty sure I heard first hear, kicked a$$.

    And the Go-Go's? Great pop songs! I blame Belinda for their not going further as a group.

  • Fred

    “Perfect Combination” was a big hit here in the Philippines and is a karaoke and variety show staple up to now. However, I did not know who sang it originally until I read this.

  • Old_Davy

    That 1st Marshall Crenshaw album is indeed a classic. I never heard Robert Gordon's version until … well, it just finished playing.

  • Old_Davy

    I used to be a big Pink Floyd fan (got mega-burn-out after living in FL for 12 years where every 4th song on Classic Rock radio is something from “Dark Side”, “Wish You Were Here” or “The Wall”) and also a David Gilmour fan. I like “Blue Light” because it shows how versatile Gilmour is as a writer and player.

    My pick for worst solo track by a Pink Floyd member? Put all (except “Amused To Death”) of Roger Waters' albums up on the wall and throw a dart.

  • ElCartero

    Krokus were Swiss, but add those “Stars on 45″ twits for inspiring the likes of Gidea Park, et al.

  • ElCartero

    I'll go you one better. Giuffria's “I Must Be Dreaming”? I got familiar with that through the original version by Mink DeVille (it was played on some videoclip show that aired on one of the local PBS stations).

    Agree fully about the Goanna track. That's what I was looking forward to all week.

  • DavidMedsker

    I bought that Goanna album after seeing the video for “Solid Rock” a few times. Quickly had buyer's remorse.

    “Blue Light” the worst Pink Floyd solo single? Hardly.

    As for the Crenshaw thread, I have a hard time picking faves, but it's either “Cynical Girl” or “Mary Anne.” The whole album is bulletproof, though. And I had never even heard of Robert Gordon until just now.

    Man, did Gary Lucy take me back when he talked about working in a record store with a metal chick; I worked with a girl that played Vandenberg's “This Burning Heart” over and over one day. Wheee.

  • WHarrisBullzEye

    Dave Adams went on to a solo career, and while I don't know how long it lasted, I do know that he produced at least one fantastic track: “Tears,” which remains on my short list for Greatest Non-Hits of the '80s.

  • Pumphandle Slam

    It takes a lot of chutzpah for a pop band to portray yourself as a psychotic rapist in one of your music videos.

  • Jelly

    Gina Go-Go is not Latin, she is Sri Lankan and continued her career as a very successful song-writer. She is also the cousin of Nina Modi, the famous Bollywood actress/R&B singer. So, think before you write.

  • Jelly

    Gina Go-Go is not Latin, she is Sri Lankan and continued her career as a very successful song-writer. She is also the cousin of Nina Modi, the famous Bollywood actress/R&B singer. So, think before you write.

  • Jelly

    Gina Go-Go is not Latin, she is Sri Lankan and continued her career as a very successful song-writer. She is also the cousin of Nina Modi, the famous Bollywood actress/R&B singer. So, think before you write.

  • musicmanatl

    I never made the connection before that Dave Adams was in Glass Moon! I loved “On A Carousel” back when it was out. I also have a single of “Dancing In My Sleep” on Elektra from 1986 by Dave Adams. It got a lot of airplay on the AC station in New Orleans that I listened to sometimes back then. It's very Howard Jones-y. Thanks for helping me make the connection!

  • musicmanatl

    Think before you write? How was Dave supposed to know that? If he “thought” about it long enough, he would have realized her true ethnicity?

  • Six Singles

    Also interesting is the fact that the girlfriends couldn’t spend the holidays away from the mansion

  • Free Dating

    Whichever way, someone should have spoken up.