Junk Food »
say “honey smacks” again. I dare you.
How’s a kid supposed to eat breakfast with this staring him in the face? Print
Read More »the üncheese
Some time ago, in a fit of starved desperation, I unwrapped a Slim Jimâ„¢ Chili n’ Cheese stick, and could not believe how terrible it was. I had eaten Slim Jims before, so I
Read More »please don’t include the ham
Every week, it’s something new and exciting at the grocery store. This morning, I spied with my little eye two words I never want to see on a box of unrefrigerated food, ever again:
Read More »the great cereal gross-off, part II! (sort of.)
Okay, so, originally this was going to be another GREAT CEREAL GROSS-OFF! between Malt-O-Meal’s new Blueberry Muffin Tops (“The Taste That’s Tops!”) and Kellogg’s new Limited Edition Star Wars Episode III cereal. I bought
Read More »Why, Mott’s? Why?
So, as some of you may remember, during a recent trip to the grocery store, I discovered a terrible new development in applesauce engineering: I was too stunned to buy it, and some of
Read More »winning the war on consumers
“These are dire times, men,” said the CEO of Sunshine Foods to the members of the board. “Profits are up, sure, but what with all of our bonus packages eating into the margin, something’s
Read More »oh my god you guys it’s so bad
It’s called B(e), pronounced “B-to-the-E,” and it’s Budweiser’s latest innovation in their quest to make terrible beer. “Hey, people like Red Bull in their vodka,” say the Bud geniuses. “Why not add it to
Read More »GROSS-OFF, part 2: Asian Edition
At the grocery store last weekend, I noticed a pair of new, horrible-looking food products, so naturally, I had to buy them. I thought it would probably be awhile before I got around to
Read More »the GREAT CEREAL GROSS-OFF, round 1
Ladies and gentlemen, in the BLUE corner, hailing from POST and loaded with TEN ESSENTIAL VITAMINS & MINERALS (including IRON AND ZINC FOR GROWTH), we have MARSHMALLOW MANIA PEBBLES: And in the BROWN corner,
Read More »oh, the humanity
Now, here’s what I think, and you can disagree with me if you want: You’ve got to feel just a little bit sorry for Randy Quaid. The most tempting question is “Why, Randy Quaid?
Read More »