M83 - “Teen Angst”

Placebo - “Teenage Angst”

Zack: It’s hard to argue that there’s anybody who has a better grasp of teen angst than Gordon Gano of the Violent Femmes. But Brian Molko of Placebo comes close. Growing up as a theater-obsessed, androgynous (and eventually bisexual) child in a family that rarely spent more than two years in a single location, I guarantee the only thing Molko dreaded more than having to interact with his dad, an international banker, was going to school. In an FHM interview, Molko claimed to have been forced to leave his school in Luxembourg due to excessive bullying, and given his nature and appearance, is it hard to doubt? And what does M83’s Anthony Gonzalez have to say about his life as an adolescent? “I loved being a teenager. That’s when I discovered music and started to take drugs and make parties [sic] with my friends. I really started to discover new things. Nowadays I would like to be a teenager again.” Wow. Someone get this poor guy a rag so he can wipe off all the angst.

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It’s amazing sometimes to see how music brings the world together.

I was food shopping with my wife last week and “867-5309/Jenny” by Tommy Tutone was playing in the store. Even though I’m not a big fan of most of the larger hits of the ’80s, it was the only song that caught my ear the entire time I was there. After the song ended, I found myself whistling it through the next few aisles. About five minutes later, this goth-looking dude with a ton of tattoos passed me and was singing the chorus. Not long after that I passed a couple that had to be in their 70s, and the old man was repeating the famous phone number to his wife. So, at least five minutes after “867-5309″ was over, there was me, a goth kid, and an old man all still being entertained by it. Somewhere the guys from Tommy Tutone are smiling.

NEW SOUNDS FOR THE COLLECTION:
Riot, Restless Breed
Accept, Metal Heart
Europe, Wings of Tomorrow
Johnny Gill, Johnny Gill
Axe, Offering

This week we look at the final nine artists whose names begin with the letter C as we give you 15 more Bottom Feeders from the Billboard Hot 100 chart in the ’80s.

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Eric Clapton - “I’ve Got a Rock and Roll Heart”

Dave: Did Clapton have to record this to pay back the writers for lending him money for blow? This record is such a piece of dogshit that a couple of Phil Collins-produced records and selling out to Michelob were considered a “return to form.” And that lyric “I get off on screaming guitars” would be horrible even if the guitar lick actually, you know, screamed. Maybe the problem was that he was too busy removing his dick from the tailpipe of a ‘57 Chevy to realize his tone sucked.

Scott: What do you have against a man and his masturbatory habits, David? When Clapton recorded this song, he’d kicked drugs for the first time; he needed something to get his rocks off. Still, this song isn’t that bad. It’s an natural extension of the drug fueled reggae influenced shuffles he churned out in the 70’s, except this time he was sober. Maybe “I get off” was a bad selection of words, but when you look at the charts from 1983 (Men at Work, Human League, Culture Club) who the hell expected this song to be a hit? Certainly not Clapton. The look of his face on the cover of “Money and Cigarettes” tells it all: “I don’t give a shit. I’m Eric Clapton.” I’m sure some dumb ass exec enthusiastically told him that this song was a bona fide hit. To which Clapton most likely replied, “Fuck it, ya poofter, release whatever god damn song you want. I’m ERIC FUCKING CLAPTON! Now bring me a Trans Am, I’m through with that saggy old Chevy.” Seriously, the song’s obviously a throwaway that became a fluke hit. How else do you explain him selling his soul to the devil and teaming up with Phil Collins?
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No, I’m not dead, but neither can it really be said that I’ve been resting, either. Sorry for the monthlong interim between columns, but I was in Los Angeles July 7-23 covering the Television Critics Association press tour, and I returned to a combination of family stuff and car issues that kept me hopping for well over a week after my return. To give you an idea of what my luck was like with my car, it died on my wife while she was in a McDonald’s drive-thru and involved trips to the AAA Service center and Pep Boys as well as two trips to the Hyundai dealership to work out the issue. And while I was borrowing my father’s truck during all these vehicle woes, the truck managed to get a flat tire and have its battery die on me. As for the family stuff, well, as it happens, that brings me to the subject of this week’s column.

If things had gone differently, this column would’ve run last week or even the week before, because the intent was to have it go live on the week of my daughter’s third birthday. Her name is Allyson Faith Harris. She was an in-vitro baby, and we’re pretty sure the doctors at the New Hope Center for Reproductive Medicine slipped a few extra “cute” and “smart” genes into her petri dish, because she’s both things, and this isn’t just typical proud papa crap — a few weeks ago we drove past a Chick-Fil-A, and the kid said, “Look, Daddy, they have an indoor play area!” A few months ago I told her I thought we didn’t need to put gas in the car until the morning, and she put on a pouty face and said, “I’m so disappointed that we’re not going to the gas station.” This was a two-year-old. I don’t know where she stands on an emotional level, but at the very least she’s got a pretty darned advanced vocabulary for her age. As for the cuteness, you be the judge:

Allyson stayed on the bike — this time.

Yes, as you can see by her shirt, the kid is into music. She could name all four Beatles before she was two, her favorite songs are Nick Lowe’s “Cruel to Be Kind” and the Left Banke’s “Pretty Ballerina,” and, perhaps most importantly, when she hears the Crayons’ “Allyson Fell Off the Bike,” she immediately says, “That’s my song!”

Who are the Crayons? That’s a fair question. Heck, even I didn’t know who the Crayons were until I discovered them on the sixth volume of the ongoing series of International Pop Overthrow compilations, but when I happened upon their selection, a little ditty called “Allyson Fell Off the Bike,” I was enamored immediately. The slightly ominous riff at the beginning of the song instantly made me think of Echo & the Bunnymen’s “The Killing Moon,” which was a surprising enough touch to hear on a collection of power-pop artists, and with my interest held, I was so swept up in the huge chorus that I knew it was time to head straight to my computer and find out if the Crayons had an entire album.

Fortunately, they did, and its title asked a highly appropriate question for a band called the Crayons: What Color Are You?

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The Popdose staff was sitting around the other day, doing what we do best — namely, talking about records that most people wish they didn’t remember — when a discussion about the Moody Blues’ “Your Wildest Dreams” somehow led into some heavy-duty reminiscing about the records we all listened to when we were kids — and how those records were more or less culled from the Top 40 hits of the day, hits that our parents, as often as not, listened to along with us.

So, we wondered, who’s making music these days that impressionable preteens and their parents enjoy? Top 40 radio is pretty much dead, and the lines between Radio Disney, MTV, and whatever the hell it is that the over-30 crowd is listening to these days have been drawn depressingly deep. Look, it isn’t just that we think the Jonas Brothers and Lil Wayne aren’t all that great; it’s that some of us can remember enjoying the latest hits from the Spinners, the Bangles, or Cheap Trick right alongside our parents.

Current music is still a multigenerational thing, but not the way it used to be — so here, without further ado, is a list (with downloads, natch) of some of the stuff your faithful Popdosers were listening to in their formative preteen years. Pull up a chair and a set of headphones, and give in to Tweener Mixtape Madness! (more…)

I don’t mean to brag or nothin’, but when it comes to procrastinating, I’m something of an expert. If there had been a contest last year to determine the world’s best procrastinator, I wouldn’t have even filled out the entry form yet. But it looks like I’ve got fierce competition — on July 20, the UK’s Observer reported that wasting time isn’t simply a bad habit born of laziness and lack of discipline; more alarmingly, it’s “an affliction that ruins millions of lives and often requires therapy and other treatment for sufferers, psychologists have warned.” Do you know what this means? It means I’m off the hook for being lazy and lacking discipline! Now all I need to do is find a doctor who’ll write a note that I can give to Jeff Giles, my parents, my boss, and my long-suffering girlfriend, Aimiee, who thinks I’m too much of a coward to propose, when my real excuse is that I keep putting off the phone call to buy tickets for Tony n’ Tina’s Wedding, where I plan to propose during the fake ceremony and provide everyone with some actual entertainment.

According to Michael Day’s article for the Observer, one out of every five people now procrastinates to the point that his or her career, health, and relationships suffer as a result. And what are the main culprits that are aiding and abetting people in their quest to eternally neglect their ever-growing to-do lists? Computers and cell phones, of course. I personally blame my iPod for the entire month of productivity I lost last fall after I bought a new one to replace the ancient 22-month-old iPod I’d previously owned. Curse you, thief of time and cruel manipulator of obsessive information organizers like myself! “The subject is seen as joke,” said Professor Joseph Ferrari of DePaul University in Chicago, who was apparently too distracted by the awesomeness of his last name to add an “a” before the last word in his statement. “But the social and economic implications are huge. These people need therapy. They need to change the way they act and think.” But according to the article, procrastination has a negative effect on health by encouraging procrastinators to put off visits to the doctor, and if I’m not going to bother finding out which physicians within a one-block radius of my couch are “in-network,” why would I waste time finding a therapist when I’m already busy wasting time on … you know … stuff.

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Hey everybody, remember back in March when Jeff and I made a guest appearance over at Dave Lifton’s rockin’ Wings For Wheels? And remember how you listened and thought, “these guys are idiots, I hope they never do another one of these podcasts again”?

Um … guess what?

Yup, it’s true. I had thought about doing a CHART ATTACK! podcast many times in the past, but like most of my brilliant ideas, it never went anywhere. Dave, who apparently gets no wiser with time or as a result of lame experiences, asked us to join him for yet another podcast appearance, and suggested we do it Top 10-style. Knowing that I’d never get off my lazy duff and do it myself, Jeff and I quickly agreed, and here we are, once again sounding like d-bags on the Internet.

Actually, Dave, Jeff and I had a great time recording this episode. Although you can see the Top 10 songs we discussed below, we explored numerous tangents over the course of our discussion: the new lead singer of Journey, Tom Kelly and Billy Steinberg, and my mother’s aerobics class, to name just a few.

For this episode, we decided to attack June 9, 1984:

10. Jump (For My Love) – Pointer Sisters
9. Self Control – Laura Branigan
8. Breakdance – Irene Cara
7. Hello – Lionel Richie
6. The Heart of Rock & Roll – Huey Lewis and the News
5. Sister Christian – Night Ranger
4. The Reflex – Duran Duran
3. Oh Sherrie – Steve Perry
2. Let’s Hear It for the Boy – Deniece Williams
1. Time After Time – Cyndi Lauper

Juicy chart, right? We thought so too. So if you’re in the mood to listen to the three of us shooting our mouths off, come check out our appearance on Wings For Wheels!

Direct Download Link:
Wings For Wheels, Episode 52: CHART ATTACK!
(Dave Lifton, Jeff Giles, Jason Hare)

“They live to talk about crap!”

I’ll admit it: I was quite puzzled when I received an e-mail from Dave Lifton, pop culture writer extraordinaire and the creator of the most-excellent Wings For Wheels podcast. Apparently Dave must have slipped on some ice and landed on his head, because he subsequently invited Jeff and I to join him on said podcast.

Dave opened the floor up to some ideas. I had a whole bunch! First: My Acting Career! Second: Michael McDonald! Third: Michael McDonald And How He’s Influenced My Acting Career!

Surprisingly enough, these ideas didn’t fly with Jeff or Dave, so eventually we settled on a topic close to all of our hearts: Guilty Pleasures. Although we all pretty much agree that nobody should ever feel guilty for the things they enjoy, each of us managed to discuss at least one artist or group that made us feel like complete idiots. I don’t want to spoil the whole podcast, but here are three of the nine artists/genres discussed:

- Jack Wagner
- Starland Vocal Band
- Showtunes

Intrigued? Scared? A little bit of both? Then you’ll want to stop what you’re doing and download Episode #45, featuring Dave, Jeff and I. We laugh, we cry, and it only takes about 20 minutes before I shout, “you guys are assholes!” If you can excuse the static coming from our phones, we think you’ll enjoy. And if not, it’s Jeff’s fault.

Thanks, Dave, for featuring two boneheaded Popdosers on Wings For Wheels!

Direct Download Link: Wings For Wheels, Episode 45: Guilty Pleasures (Dave Lifton, Jeff Giles, Jason Hare)

This wasn’t part of our official launch announcement, but as some of you may remember, Jason’s site had a patron saint before he merged it with Popdose — and since Jason wouldn’t bring his content over unless we agreed to take on said saint, we made it part of the package deal.

Maybe you don’t remember which patron saint I’m talking about. Hell, maybe you never read Jason’s site. That’s fine, because Jason oh-so-helpfully enlisted our pal Colleen to screen a t-shirt emblazoned with the saintly visage in question for my newborn son. (more…)

It’s here! It’s finally fucking here!

Hello and welcome to the official launch of Popdose, the site some of you have been waiting for/predicting would never happen for almost a year now. It would take a series of posts to tell you about all the twists and turns it took to get here, so I’ll spare you the gory details; suffice it to say that no one has been more impatient than me.

Anyway, come on in. Relax. Take a look around. See all those categories? We’ve assembled an absolutely incredible army of contributors — all of them among my favorite writers on the Web — to cover the pop-culture spectrum, from music (of course) to movies, TV, books, politics, and various product-testing shenanigans. We’ll be here, seven days a week, giving you all the great content you got from Jefitoblog — and so much more.

I can’t go any further without giving credit where credit’s due — specifically to David Eastman, whose early encouragement sparked the whole thing; my longtime partner in blog crime, Jason Hare, who has done a ton of work (and will only be doing more); our ace programmer, Rahul Gupta, who went above and beyond the call of duty; and last but most certainly not least, our benefactors at Pressing Needs, especially Peter Lubin, George Howard, Mike Monasco, and Dave Littlefield, whose continual support has made the whole thing possible. (You’ll learn more about the PN gang in the weeks and months to come. Foreshadowing!)

Please allow me to introduce you to your Popdosers:

Matthew Bolin: A longtime Friend of Jefitoblog, Matthew will be writing a number of music series, including one that will try and get you to appreciate Rod Stewart’s late-period output. No shortage of chutzpah on our Mr. Bolin!

Robert Cass: Many of you know Robert from his frequent commentary at Jefitoblog and Jason’s site, or from his own site, Mulberry Panda 96. Aside from acting as an editor here, he’ll be contributing a pop-culture column titled Sugar Water.

Jon Cummings: Another longtime Friend of Jefitoblog, Jon will be writing about music and current events for Popdose. Be sure to check out his Political Culture and Jesus of Cool series!

Dw. Dunphy: Readers of the old Chartburn series will no doubt remember Mr. Dunphy’s witty commentary as a member of the panel; here at Popdose, he’ll continue to serve the ‘burn, while adding his own music series to the mix. Stay tuned!

Zack Dennis: Another member of the Chartburn panel, Zack will be covering live music and current events for us here. You’ll get to know more about our favorite Harvey Mudd graduate soon!

Mojo Flucke, Ph.D.: Our resident blues blogger, Mojo comes to us courtesy of our friends at Bullz-Eye. Look for weekly dispatches from Mr. Flucke, alternating between hot lo-fi cuts and cold blues shots.

Jason Hare: A man who needs no introduction, Jason will be bringing us his award-winning music series, Adventures Through the Mines of Mellow Gold and Chart Attack!, as well as acting in an editorial capacity, chiming in at Chartburn, and generally getting roped into various shenanigans against his better judgment and/or will.

John C. Hughes: Proprietor of the beloved Lost in the ’80s, John will be expanding his operations here, helping us get lost in the ’70s and ’90s too. If you’re one of the thousands who loved John’s blog, welcome aboard — and if you’re just meeting him for the first time, prepare yourself!

Py Korry: An original member of the Chartburn panel, the author of the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Rush, and the man behind the site that bears his name, our friend Mr. Korry will be contributing his weekly Mix Six feature here, as well as covering current events (and continuing to ‘burn). Say hi to Py!

Taylor Long: The brains behind the tall stack of bloggy goodness known as T-SIDES, Taylor will be handling concert reviews and acting as our New Music Editor at Popdose. Huzzah!

Scott Malchus: As fans of his old haunt Thunderbolt have long known, Scott is the mastermind behind the terrific Basement Songs series — which he’ll be bringing here, bless his heart, along with covering television and film.

David Medsker: Aside from being a member of the Chartburn panel, Mr. Medsker is my boss at Bullz-Eye — which makes it doubly sweet to turn the tables here, and hand him the keys to our White Label Saturday feature. Prepare to groove!

Darren Robbins: Last but not least, we have Darren Robbins, the evil genius responsible for He’s a Whore (as well as a handful of power pop gems). Darren will be covering music here, dishing on lessons learned during his years in the biz, and just generally kicking ass. Prepare yourself!

And that, dear readers, is your Popdose staff as of January 1, 2008. We set out to assemble the Voltron of pop-culture blogs, and I think we’ve succeeded — now it’s your job to sit back, let your boss know you’re done for the day, and get to readin’ until you can’t read no more. Welcome to Popdose!