Our guest writer this week is no stranger to CHART ATTACK!, having contributed a fantastic write-up of March 23, 1985 a while back. Please welcome back our good friend Carlos Ramirez!

In this week’s CHART ATTACK! I’ll tackle three New Edition-affiliated entries (four if you count manager Maurice Starr), a song even Diane Warren wants to forget about, and two singles that should have already found a home in your record collection.

I’ve been a music junkie for most of my 33 years on this planet. My first loves were Kiss and the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack when I was four. That pretty much set the musical course I’ve been on ever since. If it has hooks, I’m going to give it a fighting chance; that helps explain all the Badfinger, TKA, and Dokken songs on my iPod. I’d like to thank Jason and the rest of the Popdose family for having me as a guest contributor this week. Long live Curtis Stigers! (Take it easy — just a joke!)

10. Poison — Bell Biv DeVoe Amazon
9. The Power — Snap! Amazon
8. Enjoy the Silence — Depeche Mode Amazon
7. Rub You the Right Way — Johnny Gill Amazon
6. It Must Have Been Love — Roxette Amazon
5. Cradle of Love — Billy Idol Amazon
4. I’ll Be Your Shelter — Taylor Dayne Amazon
3. Hold On — En Vogue Amazon
2. She Ain’t Worth It — Glenn Medeiros featuring Bobby Brown Amazon
1. Step by Step — New Kids on the Block Amazon

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‘Sup, everybody? Happy Friday! This week in Billboard history brings us a bunch of Mellow Gold, a bunch of disco, and two oddballs smack in the middle. Let’s take a look at June 30, 1979!

10. You Take My Breath Away — Rex Smith Amazon
9. Just When I Needed You Most — Randy Vanwarmer Amazon
8. Boogie Wonderland — Earth, Wind & Fire with The Emotions Amazon
7. She Believes In Me — Kenny Rogers Amazon
6. The Logical Song — Supertramp Amazon
5. Chuck E.’s In Love — Rickie Lee Jones Amazon
4. We Are Family — Sister Sledge Amazon
3. Bad Girls — Donna Summer Amazon
2. Hot Stuff — Donna Summer Amazon
1. Ring My Bell — Anita Ward Amazon

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Hi everybody! I’m still exhausted from the CHART ATTACK! podcast — so let’s give it up for another guest writer! Dw. Dunphy needs no introduction — certainly you know him from his Dw. Dunphy On… series, Chartburn and numerous other posts here on Popdose. He’s thoughtful and always entertaining — and this week’s post is no different. Rock it, Dunphy! - JH

June 12th, 1976 is a pretty strange week in pop music, not only for what managed to get on the Top 10, but for what surrounded it. In short order, you had future classics floating in the Top 40 like Fleetwood Mac’s “Rhiannon,” Peter Frampton’s “Show Me The Way” and Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys Are Back In Town,” as well as perennial favorites like Seals And Crofts’ “Get Closer” and The Doobie Brothers’ “Takin’ It To The Streets,” freshly injected with 40 cc’s of McD. Oh, and Eric Carmen continued to pillage the musical corpse of Sergei Rachmaninoff with “Never Gonna Fall In Love Again.”

What actually landed in the top ten is another story. You have odd covers, old favorites, lost classics and a couple of songs tailor made for your suicide soundtrack. You could rock, groove, dance, get mellow, get really mellow, depressed and angry all in the span of less than an hour. Of course, you’ll also experience that same bi-polarity by reading this CHART ATTACK!, so let’s get moody with June 12, 1976!

10. Fool to Cry — The Rolling Stones Amazon iTunes
9. More, More, More (Pt. 1) — Andrea True Connection Amazon iTunes
8. Shop Around — Captain & Tennille Amazon iTunes
7. Sara Smile — Daryl Hall & John Oates Amazon iTunes
6. Shannon — Henry Gross Amazon iTunes
5. Happy Days — Pratt & McClain Amazon iTunes
4. Love Hangover — Diana Ross Amazon iTunes
3. Misty Blue — Dorothy Moore Amazon iTunes
2. Get Up and Boogie (That’s Right) — Silver Convention Amazon iTunes
1. Silly Love Songs — Wings Amazon iTunes

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Hey everybody, remember back in March when Jeff and I made a guest appearance over at Dave Lifton’s rockin’ Wings For Wheels? And remember how you listened and thought, “these guys are idiots, I hope they never do another one of these podcasts again”?

Um … guess what?

Yup, it’s true. I had thought about doing a CHART ATTACK! podcast many times in the past, but like most of my brilliant ideas, it never went anywhere. Dave, who apparently gets no wiser with time or as a result of lame experiences, asked us to join him for yet another podcast appearance, and suggested we do it Top 10-style. Knowing that I’d never get off my lazy duff and do it myself, Jeff and I quickly agreed, and here we are, once again sounding like d-bags on the Internet.

Actually, Dave, Jeff and I had a great time recording this episode. Although you can see the Top 10 songs we discussed below, we explored numerous tangents over the course of our discussion: the new lead singer of Journey, Tom Kelly and Billy Steinberg, and my mother’s aerobics class, to name just a few.

For this episode, we decided to attack June 9, 1984:

10. Jump (For My Love) – Pointer Sisters
9. Self Control – Laura Branigan
8. Breakdance – Irene Cara
7. Hello – Lionel Richie
6. The Heart of Rock & Roll – Huey Lewis and the News
5. Sister Christian – Night Ranger
4. The Reflex – Duran Duran
3. Oh Sherrie – Steve Perry
2. Let’s Hear It for the Boy – Deniece Williams
1. Time After Time – Cyndi Lauper

Juicy chart, right? We thought so too. So if you’re in the mood to listen to the three of us shooting our mouths off, come check out our appearance on Wings For Wheels!

Direct Download Link:
Wings For Wheels, Episode 52: CHART ATTACK!
(Dave Lifton, Jeff Giles, Jason Hare)

Folks, it’s time for another guest-penned CHART ATTACK! — and this one comes from Keilani Goggins, who is actually our first female Chart Attacker! Not only that, but she’s pregnant, too — which means that one day she can tell her child about the week she regressed 25 years and revisited the time she dressed up as a boy dressed up as a girl. What the hell am I talking about? You’ll have to read this week’s chart to find out! Take it away, Keilani! -JH

Hi, everyone! I’m totally stoked about the chart I’m covering. So many good things. Of course, I wish “Hello” was on this list, but that will have to wait until 1984. Considering that I spent this particular week in history learning to square-dance for my kindergarten graduation, you’d think I wouldn’t know any of the songs below, but you’d be wrong, my friends: I am a true child of the ’80s! Also, my older cousin gave me mono that summer, meaning I was indoors most of the time, so my grandmother got cable so I could watch the Disney Channel, but I just watched MTV and Color Sounds (remember Color Sounds?) for a solid month instead. Thanks, Grandma!

Alright – let’s attack the chart from May 28, 1983!

10. Straight From the Heart — Bryan Adams Amazon iTunes
9. My Love — Lionel Richie Amazon iTunes
8. Time (Clock of the Heart) — Culture Club Amazon iTunes
7. Solitaire — Laura Branigan Amazon iTunes
6. Little Red Corvette — Prince Amazon iTunes
5. She Blinded Me With Science — Thomas Dolby Amazon iTunes
4. Overkill — Men at Work Amazon iTunes
3. Beat It — Michael Jackson Amazon iTunes
2. Let’s Dance — David Bowie Amazon iTunes
1. Flashdance … What A Feeling — Irene Cara Amazon iTunes

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Welcome back to another Friday edition of CHART ATTACK! I have to admit that I do have a soft spot in my heart for almost all of the songs in today’s chart. Although it contains a fair share of one-hit wonders, I think most of the songs are pretty solid. Agree? Disagree? Decide for yourself as we attack MAY 18, 1985!

10. Axel F — Harold Faltermeyer Amazon
9. Everybody Wants to Rule the World — Tears for Fears Amazon iTunes
8. We Are the World — USA For Africa Amazon iTunes
7. Rhythm of the Night — DeBarge Amazon iTunes
6. Some Like it Hot — The Power Station Amazon iTunes
5. Smooth Operator — Sade Amazon iTunes
4. Everything She Wants — Wham! Amazon iTunes
3. One Night in Bangkok — Murray Head Amazon iTunes
2. Crazy for You — Madonna Amazon iTunes
1. Don’t You (Forget About Me) — Simple Minds Amazon iTunes

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And now, a special treat for you here at Popdose! As you know, CHART ATTACK! is a collaborative effort between myself and a few of my favorite writers. If this week’s chart looks somewhat unfamiliar to you, it’s because it’s a contribution from Stephen Hanley, our guest writer from the UK! Stephen has opted to attack a British chart from the early 1970s. Sit back and enjoy, and don’t forget to make fun of all his silly misspellings (”neighbours!” ” favourites!” “cos!”). Take it away, Stephen!

TRANS-ATLANTIC EDITION!

This chart leapt from the shackles of the BBC on 2nd May 1971 — that’s 05/02/71 to you colonials, right? Here’s what it looked like …

10. Jig-a-Jig — East of Eden Amazon iTunes
9. (Where Do I Begin) Love Story — Andy Williams Amazon iTunes
8. Indiana Wants Me — R. Dean Taylor Amazon iTunes
7. Hot Love — T. Rex Amazon iTunes
6. Remember Me — Diana Ross Amazon iTunes
5. Mozart Symphony No. 40 — Waldo de los Rios Amazon
4. It Don’t Come Easy — Ringo Starr Amazon iTunes
3. Brown Sugar/Bitch/Let It Rock — Rolling Stones Amazon iTunes
2. Double Barrel — Dave & Ansil Collins Amazon iTunes
1. Knock Three Times — Tony Orlando & Dawn Amazon iTunes

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(This week, Ye Olde CHART ATTACK! is being taken over by none other than Robert Cass, my co-Managing Editor here at Popdose. Seems like it was only last year that Robert was attacking the early ’90s with stories of internal monologues about Vanessa Williams and awkward pictures of Dick Cheney — oh wait, it was last year. Can Robert entrance us all again the way he used to? Will he include more pictures of Mr. Vice-President? Will David Caruso fans adore this post, too? Only one way to find out! Take it away, Cass! - JH)

This is Jason’s house, and I’m just visiting, so I’ll try not to rearrange anything too much, though I’d love to replace those hyphens below with em dashes, and I’d definitely decapitalize the first letters of all those articles and prepositions in the song titles, and that intro Jason wrote could use some pruning, so maybe I’ll just— … What am I doing? Focus, boy, focus! You’re wasting time on trivial matters when you need to be discussing trivial music! Hurry up and start this week’s attack!

Alright, here we go …

10. Here We Go - C+C Music Factory Presents Freedom Williams & Zelma Davis Amazon iTunes
9. Cry For Help - Rick Astley Amazon iTunes
8. I Like The Way (The Kissing Game) - Hi-Five Amazon iTunes
7. Rico Suave - Gerardo Amazon iTunes
6. Sadeness Part 1 - Enigma Amazon iTunes
5. Joyride - Roxette Amazon iTunes
4. Hold You Tight - Tara Kemp Amazon iTunes
3. I’ve Been Thinking About You - Londonbeat Amazon iTunes
2. Baby Baby - Amy Grant Amazon iTunes
1. You’re In Love - Wilson Phillips Amazon iTunes

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Hi everyone, and welcome back to another edition of CHART ATTACK! This was a fun week to cover. And although we won’t be doing any of these songs, I still encourage you to be wild and come check out ACOUSTIC ’80s in NYC tonight — it’ll be a fun time, and we encourage you to throw things at us if you don’t have fun.

So as I present this week’s Top 10, here’s something to think about: what do songs 10, 4 and 3 all have in common? You’ll find the answer in this week’s Attack, where we tackle April 5, 1980!

10. How Do I Make You - Linda Ronstadt Amazon iTunes
9. Desire - Andy Gibb Amazon iTunes
8. Special Lady - Ray, Goodman & Brown Amazon iTunes
7. Ride Like The Wind - Christopher Cross Amazon iTunes
6. Him - Rupert Holmes Amazon iTunes
5. Too Hot - Kool & The Gang Amazon iTunes
4. Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen Amazon iTunes
3. Call Me - Blondie Amazon iTunes
2. Working My Way Back To You/Forgive Me, Girl - Spinners Amazon iTunes
1. Another Brick In The Wall Part II - Pink Floyd Amazon iTunes

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I’ll tell you one thing about today’s guest Chart Attacker: the man knows music. A prolific writer for Bullz-Eye, West Coast Performer and his own blog (to name a few), Michael Fortes is the kind of guy that could find tons of fascinating nuggets about any artist imaginable. If you haven’t read his utterly comprehensive Popdose Guide to Ornette Coleman, you’re missing out; check out his previous Idiot’s Guides to Minnie Ripperton, Chicago, and — holy shit — Slayer, all available on his site The Front Parlour. Show us the joys of March 1975, Michael!

This week on CHART ATTACK!, we’re taking a trip back to the center of a decade infamous for questionable pop music. Yes, we’re back to the ’70s again – more specifically, the week-ending March 22, 1975.

It’s interesting to note the huge, canonical classics many of us were enjoying back in 1975: Bob Dylan’s Blood on the Tracks, Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here, Led Zeppelin’s Physical Graffiti, Queen’s A Night at the Opera, Neil Young’s Tonight’s The Night … OK, the latter was not a huge seller, I admit, but it was a critical success and a fan favorite, and to this day it remains the easiest Neil Young album to find on newly-pressed vinyl in any reputable record store that sells new LP pressings. The point is, the ’70s weren’t a complete musical wasteland, and never were. And this chart isn’t a complete wasteland either, though it’s far from what I’d call an entirely pleasurable listen, as it’s filled with reminders of greater past glories and gross injustices.

It’s worth noting that, besides the one song actually in the number one slot, four other songs on this week’s chart either had spent time at the top, or would do so later.

It’s also worth noting that I was less than two years away from being born when this chart was first generated. Now, that might seem to make me unqualified to comment, but the reality is this: just like many other younger folks, I was exposed to all of these songs at one time or another from birth to the present via the same channels as those who were there: radio, records and tapes, and sometimes TV too. So much so, in fact, that it feels like I might as well have been there. But I wasn’t, and maybe it was for the best. There’s far more of a coolness factor in being able to proclaim you were born the year Elvis Presley died and “Elvis Costello” entered the public consciousness. Not that I’ve ever been cool or anything, but still…

Anyway, on with the dissection of March 22, 1975!

10. Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You - Sugarloaf/Jerry Corbetta Amazon iTunes
9. No No Song/Snookeroo - Ringo Starr Amazon iTunes
8. Poetry Man - Phoebe Snow Amazon iTunes
7. You Are So Beautiful - Joe Cocker Amazon iTunes
6. Express - B.T. Express Amazon iTunes
5. Have You Never Been Mellow - Olivia Newton-John Amazon iTunes
4. Black Water - The Doobie Brothers Amazon iTunes
3. Lovin’ You - Minnie Ripperton Amazon iTunes
2. Lady Marmalade - LaBelle Amazon iTunes
1. My Eyes Adored You - Frankie Valli Amazon iTunes

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