CHART ATTACK!: 2/14/81

Howdy, everybody!  Happy Friday and welcome back to another edition of CHART ATTACK! This week’s mix is relatively eclectic, yet — as was often the case in the early ’80s — completely inoffensive.  And you’ll find references to John Lennon in four of this week’s singles.  On with the chart — let’s look at February 14, 1981!

10. Hey Nineteen — Steely Dan Amazon iTunes
9. Givin’ it Up for Your Love — Delbert McClinton Amazon iTunes
8. Keep On Loving You — REO Speedwagon Amazon iTunes
7. (Just Like) Starting Over — John Lennon Amazon iTunes
6. Woman — John Lennon Amazon iTunes
5. Passion — Rod Stewart Amazon iTunes
4. The Tide is High — Blondie Amazon iTunes
3. I Love a Rainy Night — Eddie Rabbitt Amazon iTunes
2. 9 to 5 — Dolly Parton Amazon iTunes
1. Celebration — Kool & the Gang Amazon iTunes

10. Hey Nineteen — Steely Dan (download)

I love Steely Dan.  And I love “Hey Nineteen.”  And although I’ve never had any misconception about this song’s subject, it was only when listening to this song the other day that I realized: Donald Fagen both looks and sounds like a skeevy, dirty old man, and “Hey Nineteen” is, in fact, not helping his image.  And despite the fact that Fagen was only 32 when this song was recorded, it’s not a stretch to hear it and imagine him being, say, 50.  SKETCHY.  Here’s a picture of Donald Fagen with Japanese musician Juri Panda Jones.  Look at this while listening to “Hey Nineteen,” willya?

Right?

Something else weird happened to me while I was listening to “Hey Nineteen” recently.  Whenever I sing along with it, I always avoid the lead line (except for “that’s ‘retha Franklin”).  I just sing the backing vocals.  And, when I sing them, I sing them like…you guessed it.

Oh, picture of 3 Time Grammy Award Winner Michael McDonald, how I’ve missed you.

Anyway, so yeah, I always sing those backing vocals like McD.  But when listening to the song the other day, I realized: I don’t hear McD as a prominent voice.  I mean, I think I hear him in there, and I know he sang backing vocals on Gaucho, but you know that I have a tendency to hear a little bit of McD in everything, so I could just be crazy.

Steely Dan only had a few Top 10 hits ( “Do It Again” and “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number,” and what the hell, we’ll give “Peg” credit for reaching #11, only because of McD), but this was their last one, peaking here at #10 for only two weeks.

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CHART ATTACK!: 1/29/77


Welcome back to another edition of CHART ATTACK!, everybody!  We’re going back a full 32 years this week, and it’s an interesting chart: if you like your rock or your sappy ballads, songs 10 through 5 are for you. But if you came here to shake your groove thang, you’re going to like the second half of this chart much better. Onward we go, to January 29, 1977!

10.  Walk This Way — Aerosmith Amazon
9. Love Theme From “A Star is Born” (Evergreen) — Barbra Streisand Amazon iTunes
8. Blinded by the Light — Manfred Mann’s Earth Band Amazon iTunes
7. Torn Between Two Lovers — Mary MacGregor Amazon
6. New Kid in Town — Eagles Amazon iTunes
5. Hot Line — The Sylvers Amazon
4. You Make Me Feel Like Dancing — Leo Sayer Amazon iTunes
3. Dazz — Brick Amazon iTunes
2. I Wish — Stevie Wonder Amazon iTunes
1. Car Wash — Rose Royce Amazon iTunes

10. Walk This Way — Aerosmith

“Walk This Way” peaked here at #10 and became the last Aerosmith song to reach the Top 10 until, well, “Walk This Way,” ten years later. Technically, though, that’s a Run-DMC song featuring Tyler and Perry, so really, it was their last Top 10 until 1988’s power ballad “Angel.” “Walk This Way” was released in ‘75, but didn’t make a dent in the charts until it was reissued late the next year. What else to say about this song? It’s a great classic rock staple, and without it and its subsequent resurgence, who knows if any of us would have given a shit about Aerosmith from, say, 1988 to 1993. (”I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” in ‘98 doesn’t count and you know it.)

9. Love Theme From “A Star is Born” (Evergreen) — Barbra Streisand

Barbra Streisand is best known for singing others’ songs, but “Evergreen” was her own musical composition, and only the second song she had ever written. Stresiand was taking guitar lessons in preparation for her role in A Star is Born, and was jealous of her guitar teacher’s songwriting abilities. She was determined to write her own song, and though she didn’t come up with the lyrics — those came from Paul Williams — the song wound up winning the Academy Award, the Grammy, and the Golden Globe. Which just goes to prove: Do not fuck with Barbra Streisand. She is an unstoppable force. Williams, who might be best known for “The Rainbow Connection,” wrote all the songs for the movie, and also co-wrote the score.

I like this song. I don’t expect anybody to really watch this clip. I’m putting it up anyway, just for me. And James Brolin, who gets a silly face directed at him at near the end of this one.

8. Blinded by the Light — Manfred Mann’s Earth Band

Hey, you guys! You’re not going to believe this, but I just listened to “Blinded by the Light” by Manfred Mann again, and…man, this is crazy…it totally sounds like he’s saying “douche” instead of deuce!!!

What? That’s what every single discussion of this song talks about? Whoops. My bad. Let’s talk about something else for a second.

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CHART ATTACK!: 1/15/83


Welcome back to CHART ATTACK!, all new for 2009! This year we’ll be doing much like we’ve done in the past: ripping apart Billboard Top 10 charts for years ranging from the early ’70s to the early ’90s. You know the drill: some of ‘em are going to be great; some will be abysmal; some will feature way too many appearances by stupid Andy Gibb. (Not this week — just his brothers.)

This week, we’re looking at early 1983, a fairly diverse week featuring punk, pop, R&B, adult contemporary and whatever category you want to stick “Dirty Laundry” into. Also, here are a few of the odd words you’ll find in this week’s chart: Sharif, Serengeti, she-cat, and Vegemite. We’re also featuring three songs that, in some way or another, essentially were given a second chance on the charts this week.  Which ones?  Stay tuned as we attack January 15, 1983!

10.  Heartbreaker — Dionne Warwick Amazon iTunes
9. Rock the Casbah — The Clash Amazon iTunes
8. Baby, Come to Me — Patti Austin (with James Ingram) Amazon iTunes
7. Africa — Toto Amazon iTunes
6. Mickey — Toni Basil Amazon iTunes
5. Sexual Healing — Marvin Gaye Amazon iTunes
4. Maneater — Daryl Hall & John Oates Amazon iTunes
3. Dirty Laundry — Don Henley Amazon
2. The Girl is Mine — Michael Jackson/Paul McCartney Amazon iTunes
1. Down Under — Men at Work Amazon iTunes

10. Heartbreaker — Dionne Warwick (download)

“Africa” holds my spot for the best song on this relatively solid Top 10, but “Heartbreaker” is in second place.  It has very little to do with Dionne Warwick; while her vocal is fine, I think I’d also be okay with a number of other female vocalists singing. It’s more about the chorus, which is not only unmistakably catchy but contains just the right amount of Bee Gees — the fantastic backing vocals with none of the ridiculous falsetto wailing that Barry prefers to use at every turn.  And once again we have to give credit to Mr. Gibb for wisely handing out his songs to other vocalists at a time when the Bee Gees were certainly less welcome on the charts.  This one wasn’t initially his idea, though: in ‘82, Barry had planned on collaborating with a few different female vocalists for an album he was working on, but Clive Davis asked him if he’d write an album of material for Warwick.  He did so, and though Warwick didn’t really care for “Heartbreaker,” she recorded it anyway — and it wound up being her biggest solo hit of the decade.  I can’t believe I love “Heartbreaker” more than Dionne Warwick.  Anyway, the Bee Gees eventually recorded their own version in 2002:

The original demo can also be found on YouTube (or on iTunes).  Beware, though: Barry sings the whole thing utilizing the aforementioned falsetto wailing.

9. Rock the Casbah — The Clash

One can only imagine what Joe Strummer thought about spending time in the Top 10 next to Dionne Warwick. Even worse, only a few weeks later he’d wind up stuck next to Eddie Rabbitt and Crystal Gayle. The Clash’s Top 40 singles were far and few between — we’re talking this one and “Train in Vain (Stand By Me).” (”Should I Stay or Should I Go” reached #45.)

“Rock the Casbah” was born out of a piano part composed by drummer Topper Headon, and it’s Headon who plays bass, drums and piano on the track. The origins of the lyrics have been disputed, but the story I’ve heard the most is that Strummer was inspired by a news report of Iranians being flogged for owning disco music. I don’t see why that’s so wrong.

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CHART ATTACK!: 12/3/77

I know what you’re thinking: isn’t Popdose closed for the season?  What the hell is CHART ATTACK! doing here?  You raise a good point, but today’s post is here for two reasons.  First, I scheduled this CHART ATTACK! well over a year ago, before Popdose was even hatched, and second, today’s chart is by our good friend (and talented writer) David Eastman.  And we all owe a big debt of gratitude to David Eastman.  You wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for him.

You see, it was back in September ‘07 when our fearless leader Jefito had his website, well, pwned.  His web hosting company went under, and took all of Jeff’s hard work with him.  Jeff wasn’t so sure he ever wanted to bother doing a personal website again.  I wrote a post about it, and in the comments, Mr. Eastman wrote the following:

I humbly submit that Jeff and Jason join forces, divvy up the work, and rely on a growing cadre of eager submitters to build J-blog v. 2.0.

Jeff could be the editor and do whatever features he pleased, Jason could do Mellow Gold and post McD. pictures, and the rest of us could kick in other flotsam on a regular basis to help them build the bestest blog ever. It’d be like Voltron!

Well, it didn’t exactly happen just like that, but Jeff and I took David’s suggestion to heart, and a few months later, Popdose was born.  So this holiday season, when you’re either reflecting on how thankful you are for Popdose or cursing us for the Mellowmas dreck we’re putting you through, remember that it’s pretty much because of David.

On that note, enjoy one final CHART ATTACK! for 2008 and we’ll see you in the new year.  Take it away, David!  — JH

1977 was a monster. “Bohemian Rhapsody” was named top single of the previous 25 years. Punk spewed forth in the form of the Damned, the Clash, the Ramones and the Sex Pistols. Billy Joel planted his flag with The Stranger; Steely Dan gave us Aja; Fleetwood Mac unleashed a little collection known as Rumors. The Police, Van Halen, the Cars and Devo all signed their first record contracts. Led Zeppelin and the Supremes, meanwhile, performed their last US concerts. Lynyrd Skynyrd’s plane went down. Studio 54 went up. And Elvis Presley, the King of it all, died on his porcelain throne.

Yeah, ‘77 was huge. But man, speaking of toilets …

Ha-ha, I kid, of course! The pop charts of ‘77 were as good as the greater rock scene; bedecked in gems the likes of which we’ve ha-ha-ha-ha, I kid you again! A lot of this stuff sucked. Not all of it, but a lot of it. Really, there must have been something in the water that year. (Note: the obvious Jonestown joke would not be operative for another 11 months.) That said, most of these songs have long been lurking on my iPod, so you can’t trust me for anything but hypocrisy. Hey, speaking of awkward segues, let’s talk about the week of December 5, 1977:

10.  (Every Time I Turn Around) Back in Love Again — L.T.D. Amazon iTunes
9.  It’s So Easy — Linda Ronstadt Amazon iTunes
8.  Boogie Nights — Heatwave Amazon iTunes
7.  We’re All Alone — Rita Coolidge Amazon iTunes
6.  Heaven on the 7th Floor — Paul Nicholas Amazon
5.  Blue Bayou — Linda Ronstadt Amazon iTunes
4.  Baby, What a Big Surprise — Chicago Amazon iTunes
3.  How Deep is Your Love — Bee Gees Amazon iTunes
2.  Don’t it Make My Brown Eyes Blue — Crystal Gayle Amazon iTunes
1.  You Light Up My Life — Debby Boone Amazon iTunes

10. (Every Time I Turn Around) Back in Love Again –- L.T.D.

L.T.D. was formed in 1968 by two former members of Sam & Dave’s backing group. Within a year they were fronted by drummer/vocalist Jeffrey “Wings of Love” Osborne. This song, the band’s second top 40 hit, was penned by Messrs. Zane Gray and Len Ron Hanks, who would later write hits for Tavares (”Never Knew Love Like This Before”) and Will Smith (”Da Butta”).

Hahahahahaha! I kid a third time! Wait, no I don’t. There really is a song called “Da Butta” by Will Smith. Damn. Well, in any event, L.T.D.’s little slice o’ funk is pleasant enough, and the echoes of Stax in the track start our Attack off pretty strong. Move to the groove with this Soul Train appearance, starring the USC Marching Band and 12 bolts of shiny red fabric:

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CHART ATTACK!: 11/24/84

Hey everybody!  Just think: one week from now, you’ll probably be feeling full and somewhat nauseous from all the food you’ve ingested.  I say, why wait a week?  Get that nauseous feeling right now as we tackle the Billboard Top 10 from November 24, 1984!

10.  I Just Called to Say I Love You  — Stevie Wonder Amazon iTunes
9.  Penny Lover — Lionel Richie Amazon iTunes
8.  All Through the Night — Cyndi Lauper Amazon iTunes
7.  Strut — Sheena Easton Amazon iTunes
6.  Caribbean Queen (No More Love on the Run) — Billy Ocean Amazon iTunes
5.  Better Be Good to Me — Tina Turner Amazon iTunes
4.  Out of Touch — Daryl Hall and John Oates Amazon iTunes
3.  I Feel For You — Chaka Khan Amazon iTunes
2.  Purple Rain — Prince and the Revolution Amazon iTunes
1.  Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go — Wham! Amazon iTunes

10. I Just Called to Say I Love You — Stevie Wonder

I’m sorry. I know it’s cliché, but I have to.

It’s funny ’cause it’s true! There are, sadly, a lot of people out there who think of this song when they think of Stevie Wonder, and seriously, that pains me. You know who I’m talking about. You probably work with them.

Barry asks another important question here: “Is it, in fact, unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins?” No, it’s not. Stevie Wonder may be a musical genius, but it doesn’t mean I have to love everything he’s ever released. “I Just Called to Say I Love You” is actually a well-written song. It’s poppy, it’s catchy, and the sentiment is simple, yet original. However, none of this changes the fact that this is song comes nowhere near the caliber of his work from the ’70s. And I’m still on the fence as to whether I give him credit or points off for the cha-cha-cha ending.

When I hear this song today (and I try not to), this is what I usually think about:

9. Penny Lover — Lionel Richie (download)

When you’re on fire like Lionel Richie in 1984, you can do whatever the hell you want.  You can write a song called “Penny Lover,” which is not actually about somebody who loves pennies, or even about someone who loves girls named Penny.  And you can sit back and watch your song reach the Top 10, without batting an eye.  That being said, “Penny Lover” peaked at #8 and thus became Richie’s lowest-charting solo single to date.  This doesn’t seem so bad until you realize that he co-wrote the song with his wife, Brenda, and you just know that Lionel got the shit kicked out of him for that one.  “You write a song with ‘Tam bo li de say de moi ya” and it goes to #1, but my song stalls at #8?  Go outside and find me a switch!”

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CHART ATTACK!: 11/7/70

Why do I love today’s CHART ATTACK! author? Well, there are many reasons. First and foremost, of course, is his fantastic, thoughtful writing at The Hits Just Keep On Comin’. The second reason is because he has been willing to grace Popdose with his monthly column, “One Day in Your Life.” Today, however, I love him because who else could be counted on to write a phrase that begins with “Lo, its powerful bubblegummy mojo”? Read on and love him, too! — JH

In the fall of 1970, I was the first kid on my school bus every morning, and thus I traveled through rural Wisconsin on gravel roads and paths trodden by cows to get to school. Being the first kid on, I had my pick of seats. The back of the bus was the most desirable spot, but what you must know about the social dynamics of the school bus is that little kids don’t get to sit in the back. One particular morning, in an attempt to keep from getting my ass kicked, I chose a seat near the front, underneath the radio speaker. And on that morning, the bus driver tuned in WLS, the Top 40 giant from Chicago, and nothing in my life was ever the same after that.

There were some fine, fine songs on the radio that day, and some goofy stuff too, because it was the 1970s, and that was the law. The nation’s Top Ten looked like this on November 7, 1970:

10. Lola — The Kinks Amazon iTunes
9. Candida — Dawn Amazon iTunes
8. Cracklin’ Rosie — Neil Diamond Amazon iTunes
7. I Think I Love You — The Partridge Family Amazon iTunes
6. All Right Now — Free Amazon iTunes
5. Indiana Wants Me — R. Dean Taylor Amazon iTunes
4. Green-Eyed Lady — Sugarloaf Amazon iTunes
3. Fire and Rain — James Taylor Amazon iTunes
2. We’ve Only Just Begun — Carpenters Amazon iTunes
1. I’ll Be There — The Jackson Five Amazon iTunes

10. Lola — The Kinks

If, in the version you know, Ray Davies sings about champagne that tastes like cherry cola, you have the version he recorded after the BBC refused to air the original line about champagne that tastes like Coca-Cola because it would have constituted a commercial mention. (The re-cutting apparently required Davies to make a one-day round-trip from New York to London.) As a lad of 10, I could not have grasped the transvestite subtext, but I take comfort in the fact that there are people who are a lot older who still don’t get it. If that’s you, please click here for an explanation in flowchart form.

9. Candida — Dawn (download)

“Candida” was written by late-period Brill Building songwriters Irwin Levine and Toni Wine. (She’s best known, probably, for providing female vocals for the Archies.) Producers Hank Medress and Dave Appell had cut a version they didn’t like by a group they didn’t like, so they asked Orlando, a friend in the record biz, to recut it. He laid down the lead vocal; Wine and Jay Siegel later provided the backing vocals. Legend has it that Orlando didn’t think about the record again until it was Number 3 on WABC. Telma Hopkins and Joyce Vincent-Wilson were drafted to become Dawn for the followup single, “Knock Three Times”; they didn’t even meet Orlando until after it had gone to Number One.

8. Cracklin’ Rosie — Neil Diamond

More ungraspable subtext for the 10-year-olds. Despite the song’s borderline racy puns about wine and prostitutes, Diamond was already beginning to shed his ’60s kid-rocker image for that of an adult-contemporary balladeer, at least until you turned this record over. The flipside, “Lordy” is as rough as anything he ever made, featuring throat-shredding screams and lines like “cut your heart out for the prize/while the bitch sings hallelujah.” Here’s how it sounded on his Live at the Troubadour album in 1976:

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CHART ATTACK!: 11/1/86

Howdy, everybody!  Happy Halloween!  Between Tina Turner’s hair and Eddie Money’s face, it’s quite a scary week here at CHART ATTACK!  Take a look back at what singles were topping the Billboard Hot 100 on November 1, 1986!

10.  All Cried Out — Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam with Full Force Amazon iTunes
9.  Take Me Home Tonight — Eddie Money Amazon iTunes
8.  Sweet Love — Anita Baker Amazon iTunes
7.  When I Think of You — Janet Jackson Amazon iTunes
6.  True Blue — Madonna Amazon iTunes
5.  Human — Human League Amazon iTunes
4.  Amanda — Boston Amazon iTunes
3.  I Didn’t Mean to Turn You On — Robert Palmer Amazon iTunes
2.  Typical Male — Tina Turner Amazon iTunes
1.  True Colors — Cyndi Lauper Amazon iTunes

10. All Cried Out — Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam with Full Force

I have the weirdest memory of this song. I remember watching America’s Funniest Home Videos very early on in its run (I was 12, okay?), and they had a video of a guy who had done his makeup half as a bride, half as a groom.  And his shtick was that he sang “All Cried Out” in profile to the camera, half as the woman and half as the man.  That’s all I remember about this song; it wasn’t until I listened to it just now that I realized it was even a duet. Who’s the guy, anyway?  I’m guessing he was in Full Force.  According to Wikipedia, Full Force had two vocalists — Paul Anthony or Bowlegged Lou — so I guess it was one of those two.  Please let it be Bowlegged Lou.  I like the idea of someone named Lisa Lisa having a passionate lover’s quarrel with Bowlegged Lou.  “You listen here, Lisa Lisa!”  “Don’t talk to me like that, Bowlegged Lou!”  And then, of course, later, they reconcile, and before you know it, the priest is going, “Do you, Lisa Lisa, take Bowlegged Lou…”

Why did Lisa Lisa need Full Force, anyway?  Wasn’t having Cult Jam enough?  Both sound like formidable teams, but a Full Force Cult Jam sounds like overkill.

Holy cow, here’s a “live” performance from 1986, and guess what? Paul Anthony and Bowlegged Lou sing to Lisa Lisa! It’s a Full Force threesome!  Fast forward to 1:40 for the good stuff, and by “good stuff,” I mean “some seriously awful fashion decisions.”

I personally find this song to be just another lame ballad, but apparently, I’m in the minority: listen to this crowd do all the singing at this performance from earlier this year. They’re loving this one, even without good ol’ Bowlegged Lou. By the way, I’m not saying that people can’t get older and maybe put on a few pounds, now she’s more like Lisa Lisa Lisa.

9. Take Me Home Tonight — Eddie Money

Is it just me, or does Eddie Money kind of look like Benny Mardones?

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CHART ATTACK!: 10/17/81

(I don’t have much of an intro for this week’s CHART ATTACK! — only that today’s writer, Rob Smith, made me laugh so hard it woke up my wife in the next room. It’s only fitting that Rob, who goes by “EightE1″ on the blogs, tackles this specific year. You’re going to love this one! — JH)


Kenny Rogers. The Alan Parsons Project. Leo Sayer. Oak Ridge Boys. Cliff Richard. Pablo Cruise. Alabama. Gino Vannelli. Neil Diamond. Kim Carnes. These are just a few of the wild, crazy hitmakers who sent songs up the charts in 1981. Juice Newton. Air Supply. Pointer Sisters. Marty Balin. The list goes on — a veritable who’s who of adult contemporary royalty. Commodores. Terri Gibbs. Champaign. John Schneider. This was Top 40 radio at the turn of the decade, and you either loved it or you plugged your ears until you could dial into a rock station more to your liking.

I was 11 years old in 1981. I had just discovered that if I placed my little GE portable cassette recorder next to my clock radio and pressed PLAY and RECORD, any song I wanted could be mine (with a bit of DJ patter or faded parts of another song, if I wasn’t quick enough to hit STOP in time). It was file-sharing for the Atari 2600 age — I was Napster before Napster was Napster. The first song I chose was “Celebration,” by Kool and the Gang. The only time I hear it these days is at weddings (or as a really inappropriate selection at a funeral), but it will always hold a special place in my heart, as the song that revolutionized how I collected and listened to music.

I’m sure I had several of these next songs stashed away on 90-minute K-Mart blank cassettes (blue labels, three for a buck). Time and taste have certainly changed my opinion about some of them — the fresh-eared 11-year-old has given way to the grumpy, curmudgeonly almost-fortysomething who’s typing this now. Sometimes I wonder, though, whether I enjoyed music more back then, before CDs and MP3s and iPods, when I wasn’t focus-grouped to death and the concept of reunion tours hadn’t been invented yet. Did that kid with the tape recorder and the cheap, rickety cassettes have more fun with music?

Probably. But I think he also liked Christopher Cross. The kid was an idiot.

On with the countdown …

10.  The Night Owls — Little River Band  Amazon  iTunes
9.  Hard to Say — Dan Fogelberg  Amazon  iTunes
8.  Who’s Crying Now — Journey  Amazon  iTunes
7.  Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around — Stevie Nicks with Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers  Amazon  iTunes
6.  Private Eyes — Daryl Hall and John Oates  Amazon  iTunes
5.  Step by Step — Eddie Rabbitt  Amazon  iTunes
4.  For Your Eyes Only — Sheena Easton  Amazon
3.  Start Me Up — The Rolling Stones  Amazon  iTunes
2.  Endless Love — Diana Ross and Lionel Richie  Amazon  iTunes
1.  Arthur’s Theme (Best That You Can Do) — Christopher Cross  Amazon  iTunes

10. The Night Owls — Little River Band (download)

Australia’s Little River Band is one of those groups that has, at least in name, been around forever, a band that scored a load of hits in their heyday, yet if you challenge the average listener to name even one member of the band, that average listener would likely come up blank, even if you filled in all the vowels and the letter R. This is a good thing for LRB, since the group that currently tours casinos, amusement parks, state fairs, and city festivals contains not a single member of the original band, not even a single member of their most successful lineup (the guys who played on “Lonesome Loser” and “Reminiscing”? Nowhere to be found). Bassist Wayne Nelson — a Texan, fer Chrissakes — joined the band in 1980 and the next year sang lead on “The Night Owls” (usurping lead singer Glen Shorrock, who probably played tambourine or something), watched it hit Number Six on the US charts, and, suddenly, found he had a gig for life (he is the band’s lead vocalist today).

“The Night Owls” tries to be dark and mysterious. “There’s a bar right across the street,” Nelson sings. Ooh — alcohol is going to be consumed. Cool. Good start. “He’s got a need he just can’t beat,” he continues. A need — is he thirsty? Sexually frustrated? I want to know more. “Out on the floor, he shuffles his feet away.” He — he shuffles his feet away? He’s dancing, I suppose, but shuffling his feet away? Is he doing some serious James Brown shit, tearing up the floor while everyone else gawks? Or is he just, you know, walking across the floor? I get the strange sensation of wanting to know, yet not really caring. By the time we get to the chorus, where we’re implored to find the heart of a night owl falling (presumably, after it’s been knocked out of its tree and ripped apart by some hungry animal), I’ve pretty much lost whatever thread he’s talking about.

LRB saw their run of chart success end within a couple years, after they became a personnel carousel (read their Wikipedia entry for a full, incredibly confusing account of the group’s multitude of ex-members). Still, every summer, on tiny stages across the US, you can hear Wayne Nelson and whoever is calling themselves LRB these days belt out “The Night Owls.”

9. Hard to Say — Dan Fogelberg

Oh, God, I hate Dan Fogelberg. Yes, he’s dead, I know, and we all felt bad when he died, mere days after Jeff and Jason’s Fogelmas dialogue last holiday season. But, short of maybe John Denver, was there ever a singer/songwriter who lashed such über-sensitive sentiments to anemic studio accompaniment, with such wimp-god arrogance?

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Lost in the ’80s: “Revenge of the Nerds”

It may be the height of over-sharing to admit this, but Revenge of the Nerds was a movie that really spoke to me in high school.  As a computer-loving, comic book-collecting, Dungeons & Dragons-playing sophomore, I certainly related to Lewis and Gilbert and their struggle and desire to fit in.  Maybe I wasn’t as persecuted as they were, but I certainly felt a kinship for being teased for being smart and not athletic (not that I was any sort of genius, mind you).  While the movie was meant to be another Animal House-style comedic romp, the background and weight given to the lead characters led to a few actually somewhat poignant moments.

But for all those thoughtful moments, Revenge of the Nerds was most certainly primarily a comedy, with plenty of classic, repeatable lines (”What the fuck are ‘robster craws?’”) and memorable scenes, such as the infamous panty raid as pretext for hiding cameras in a sorority (talk about predicting the future of the Internet early!).  Also memorable was the movie’s soundtrack, a hodgepodge of minor New Wave also-rans and never-weres, like Gleaming Spires and Bone Symphony.

Gleaming Spires began life as a band called Bates Motel, gigging around Los Angeles in the early ’80s.  It was there they were discovered by Ron and Russell Mael, and Bates Motel became the new backing band for Sparks, playing on Whomp That Sucker, Angst in My Pants and Sparks in Outer Space.  During this period, with an okay from the Maels, the group began recording on their own again under the name Gleaming Spires, releasing a few albums and a novelty New Wave number called “Are You Ready for the Sex Girls,” (download) which got some airplay on KROQ.  A year or so later, it also ended up being used in Nerds during the Lambda Lambda Lambda/Omega Mu bash.  Gleaming Spires recorded one more album after their Nerds exposure, then faded away. (more…)

CHART ATTACK!: 10/5/85

Howdy, everybody! It’s CHART ATTACK! time once again!, What can I tell you about this week? Well, at least three of our artists owe their chart success to MTV. Four of our artists are from Europe, and strangely enough, three are from Michigan. And I’d say that just over 50% of today’s songs still hold up today, but I’ll leave you to make that decision for yourself. Let’s jump into October 5, 1985!

10. Part-Time Lover — Stevie Wonder Amazon iTunes
9. Dancing in the Street — Mick Jagger and David Bowie Amazon iTunes
8. Lonely Ol’ Night — John Cougar Mellencamp Amazon iTunes
7. Freedom — Wham! Amazon iTunes
6. Saving All My Love for You — Whitney Houston Amazon iTunes
5. Dress You Up — Madonna Amazon iTunes
4. Take On Me — a-ha Amazon iTunes
3. Oh Sheila — Ready for the World Amazon iTunes
2. Cherish — Kool & the Gang Amazon iTunes
1. Money for Nothing — Dire Straits Amazon iTunes

10. Part-Time Lover — Stevie Wonder

I am slowly working my way through the entirety of Stevie’s discography. I’m extremely familiar with everything he released from 1971 through 1976, which doesn’t sound like a lot until you remember that Stevie Wonder’s a prolific, musical genius and released six albums (including a double album) within that period. Anyway, so far, I’ve made it as far as 1980’s Hotter Than July, which is actually a phenomenal record. This means I have another record or two until I get to In Square Circle, which is where you’ll find “Part-Time Lover.” Any thoughts on the album, readers? If it’s no good, let me know; I ignored all the people who said Journey Through the Secret Life of Plants was a piece o’ crap and boy, do I regret it now.

But I digress. I like this song. No, it’s not going to hold a candle to anything Stevie released in the ’70s, but to hold any of these songs to that standard is completely pointless, and besides, this is a catchy pop song. “Undercover passion on the run” is a great phrase. Also, I love the story: he’s cheating on her, but (gasp!) she’s cheating on him too! SNAP! “Part-Time Lover” reached #1 on the Pop, R&B, Dance and Adult Contemporary charts, making Stevie the first artist to accomplish such a feat.

Here’s the music video, featuring Stevie groovin’ in a club meant for people who can’t really dance. Also, for the first part of the video, he’s in a triangle for some reason.

I saw Stevie live three times this past year. He played “I Just Called to Say I Love You” at two of the shows, and at all three, he let “Ribbon in the Sky” drag on for 20 minutes. Not once did he play “Part-Time Lover.” I feel slightly jilted, but still, if Stevie comes to your town, run, don’t walk.

9. Dancing in the Street — Mick Jagger and David Bowie

Remember in early 1990, when Angela Bowie made the rounds on the talk show circuit and dished details about finding Mick and David in bed together, naked? And remember how it was this big, salacious bombshell? Anybody who found that news shocking obviously never saw the “Dancing in the Street” video.

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