Into the Ear of Madness, Week 35 — I Love “Stealing Home”

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

Hey, I’m back! Sort of. Just to set things straight: Gimmicky posts about insanity and snark aside, I really have been quite exhausted over the past few months, and for the last two weeks I have been unable to come up with the weekly 500 words about Mr. Foster that you’ve grown accustomed to. You see, on top of everything else, I’m experiencing a writer’s block. I’ve never encountered anything like it in my entire life, and it’s frustrating beyond belief. I literally have to fight for every single word, no matter how trivial it may seem. My words have dried out, my Twitter account is a desert and I can’t even come up with anything sensible for my Facebook status line anymore. Thank God I’m doing this stuff pro bono. Ah well, life imitates art as they say. Or is it the other way around? Is this what Jeff had in mind?

stealing-homeAnyway, I’ve been blunt about my current health status, so I might as well be blunt about the music. Here we go: David Foster composed the score for this movie in 1988, and I have to admit that I love the Stealing Home soundtrack. I love the sentimentality of it, I love that it’s overloaded with strings and sweet synth sounds and I love the silly love lyrics penned by Foster’s wife for the love theme. I’ve kissed a thousand beautiful women listening to these tunes throughout my youth — well, in my dreams, anyway.

I honestly don’t know where the unabashed love for this kind of kitsch came from, but it’s there and it’s always been there. It’s like a genetic thing, no matter how much I’ve gotten into hard bop and rock and roll in recent years, whenever I’m spinning Stealing Home I’m right back to the acne-infected sentimental sap that used to greet me in the mirror over 20 years ago. I have to face it — I’m a 37-year old guy who likes music that would embarrass 11-year-old girls for its sentimentality. (more…)

Into the Ear of Madness: Week 34 — Blip

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.


“All By Myself” – Celine Dion. Produced by David Foster. Written by Eric Carmen.

Into the Ear of Madness, Week 33 — Procrastinating

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

Have I used that header before? I probably have. Well, it’s true. Before we delve into the specifics of the three songs I lined out in my entry two weeks ago (heh…), I’m presenting my Quite Comprehensive Guide of David Foster Productions, previously published, but never actually read by anyone, on my very own website a couple of years ago. It’s too bad to let all this work go to waste, so, my dear hordes, here it is in all its glory. Enjoy it if you can:

David Foster has been my musical hero for 25 years. It’s been a turbulent relationship, I’ll admit that much, but in one way or another he’s always been an important influence on my musical taste and on my own development as a musician. I’m self-taught on the piano, and for all practical reasons I’m like a Casio-Foster-preset on the keys.

My relationship with Foster has waggered to and fro, from blind worship and pure fandom through frustrations and disappointments to rediscoveries of pure delight and restored faith, only to be disappointed all over again.

Today I’ve come to terms with the fact that me and Foster have gone separate ways musically, and that we’ll probably never meet on the same note again.

But there was a time when David Foster was a different man; a young, hungry and immensely talented musician who turned to producing other artists by the time he was 25. He had the chops and he used them. He was energetic, had great rhythm and last but not least, he showed an early talent for those romantic ballads. And that’s the kind of Foster I still love.

David Foster has produced hundreds, if not thousands of songs. Here’s a chronological selection from that body of work with a few comments, mainly focused on those projects where he produced an entire album, or at least vital parts of it. Hope you enjoy the overview. (more…)

Into the Ear of Madness, Week 42 (oops, 32) — Feel the Neil

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

I’m sorry, but my mind is a total blank this week, and I don’t know what else to do than to continue the bashing from last time. Please forgive me, I’m no doubt a talentless and bitter dick for wasting my time writing crap about this guy, this genius, who has so much more talent in his left thumb than I have in my entire body that he’s laughing himself all the way to the bank on a yellow-brick road covered by red carpets (red-brick road?), champagne and cheap blondes while I’m sitting here in my ramshackled camp trailer on the edge of the world, watching Swedish Dansband on television to try to laugh off the pain and drinking methanol to stay warm. Did I mention that Foster was in an artistic and commercial slum last weep? Oops, sorry — Freudian slip time — that’s “slump last week.”

Before we delve into the specifics of the three songs I lined out in last week’s entry, we will take a look at David Foster’s career in the late ’80s, and today we’re moving on to 1988. At this point he wasn’t as productive as he used to be, and he certainly didn’t dominate the charts like he used to. He was going through a divorce at the time and, as a freak experiment, he decided to take Sundays off for the first time since his pre-teens, apparently to catastrophic effect. So, a lot of bad things were happening to our hero. Case in point:

“Carmelita’s Eyes” by Neil Diamond, from The Best Years of Our Lives (1988). Produced by David Foster. Written by Neil Diamond and David Foster. (more…)

Into the Ear of Madness: Week 31 — Foster Freeze

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

I’ve been on a break for a couple of weeks, but you probably haven’t noticed — David Foster is everywhere these days. In a sense, I feel I’ve reached the point where I can say: Good job, Terje. Mission Accomplished and all that. Jason and Jeff couldn’t keep their big, fat hands off him during their grim ride throughout the frothbolous wonders of Mellowmas, could they? They even managed to insult me and my rare, exotic name. Fuckers. I have to say, guys, you really outdid yourselves during Mellowmas this year. I have blocked my RSS reader from displaying any content with the word “mellowmas” in it, and I will never, ever listen to a Christmas song again, at least as long as I’m legally competent and the undisputed master of my faculties. (We intend to make sure Terje’s legal competence is called into question well before Week 52. –Ed.)

PBS wasted a whole week on Foster’s Vegas concert, the one I reviewed back in November. I’m located elsewhere, but I have my sources, and I’m under the distinct impression that most Americans gathered around their TV sets that week to enjoy the company of Foster and Friends. Don’t deny it, I know you watched it, too. It’s something in your food, isn’t it? I’m so over that concert, by the way. Thank you.

In fact, I wasn’t at all that sure I wanted to keep doing this series for yet another 180 days. We’ve reached the glorious year of 1986 in the course of my loose chronological order, true, but it also means that the best years of David Foster’s career, at least as far as I’m concerned, are behind him and I will spend the next 20 posts writing about music that I basically don’t give a damn about — at all. I spent my Christmas vacation concocting all kinds of elaborate plans to opt out of my deal: Sorry guys — just got this new gig, really demanding job, too busy to continue writing… Serious health issues, marital distress, moving into a tent with no Internet connection — all options were explored.

But in the end I was too proud. A promise is a promise, and I need to keep my part of the deal to fuel the notion of the man I aspire to be. I can’t wait until June, though, when Jeff, the evil mastermind who gave birth to this painful series in the first place, has to keep his part of the deal. You know, he agreed to do anything I asked of him. Really. Anything. Use your imagination, guys and gals — be as mean as you can be and hit me — no, sorry — hit Jeff with your evil schemes in the comment section. (more…)

Into the Ear of Madness: Week 24 — Surrender

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

I received the new David Foster CD/DVD in the mail yesterday along with his autobiography, Hitman! Forty Years of Making Music, Topping Charts & Winning Grammys.

I wasn’t ecstatic in any way – I jumped up and down a couple of times and did a pirouette in front of my bewildered wife – nothing major. The CD concept was a bit of a disappointment — no studio recordings, merely a selection of audio files from the PBS Special Tribute Concert featured on the DVD. I didn’t expect this Vegas extravaganza to affect me in any way, and a small part of me didn’t even want to see it. After all, what could Eric Benet, Michael Johns, or Katharine McPhee bring to the table? Sure, I used to adore David Foster, but I’m not that guy anymore – I haven’t been for the past 15 years. David Foster’s syrupy ballads doesn’t move my heart these days; John Coltrane and Bill Evans do.

And even though I always tell people I’m so uncool, it’s really just a way to downplay people’s expectations. I’m secretly convinced that I’m about the coolest person on this side of the North Pole. I have a giant ego and no doubt a seriously disturbed positive self-image. And most importantly, David Foster, Peter Cetera or “I Swear” have no place whatsoever in this delusion. So, when I sat down to watch the DVD, I was prepared to laugh at Peter Cetera’s spasmodic performance jerks. I was prepared to tsk and groan in despair as this poperatic catastrophe evolved before my eyes and ears.

Then something funny happened. I was about to turn away as Kenny G entered the picture two minutes into the concert, but once again the seductive tones of “Love Theme from St. Elmo’s Fire” had me transfixed. I suddenly took in the beautiful autumn leaves flowing over the background screen, I found myself smiling at Foster’s playful glances at his audience. And good, old Kenny G — he looked pretty great for a 52-year-old, didn’t he? NO! I did not think that thought! But I did. (more…)

Into the Ear of Madness: Week 23 — Betty Boop Meets Elihu Smails

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

Book a seat. David Foster is set to score a new musical about Betty Boop, and the show aims to debut on Broadway in the 2010-2011 season. David Foster has worked on Broadway musicals before – he won a Grammy for his production work on Dreamgirls starring Jennifer Holliday in 1982 – but this will be his debut as a composer. And I may be some sort of Foster expert, but never in a million years would I have predicted that his next career move included Betty Boop. David Foster continues to surprise and amaze us.

This is an appropriate time to bring out some of the weirdest and most unlikely collaborations throughout the recorded history of David Foster, wouldn’t you agree? I’ve been waiting for the right moment and this seems to be it.

Foster has been so eclectic and productive in his career that it’s tempting to assume that nothing he has ever done can come as a surprise at this point. Yet he has specialized in music so firmly planted in the “middle-of-the-road” that it’s hard to convince people he’s actually done anything in his career besides overproducing piano-driven ballads with high-pitched male vocalists and divas.

Of course, faithful readers of this series know better. The Rocky Horror Show and Jaye P. Morgan hardly fit the bill of your average Foster gig. He played on the Wheel of Fortune theme and he co-wrote a song called “Thicke of the Night” with Alan Thicke. Here are a couple of sessions which may make your jaw drop even further. Then again, maybe not — Betty Boop probably did the trick. (more…)

Into the Ear of Madness: Week 22 — Lighting Up the Night?

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by the man. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

Jeff, Popdose’s editor-in-chief, has a crush on Jack Wagner. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that (actually, there is, but it’s generally not a good idea to throw rocks from a glass house). But I do fear that my future here at Popdose would be in danger if I failed to mention David Foster’s collaborations with Wagner, so here we go. For those of you who don’t know the man, Jack Wagner is an American singer and television actor who’s graced such classic soap operas as General Hospital and The Bold and the Beautiful as well as the prime-time soap Melrose Place. On occasion he’s even managed to combine his two careers, sculpting magical moments like this, and if that doesn’t bring tears to your eyes I honestly don’t know what will. Wagner is also respected amongst his Hollywood peers for his golfing ability.

“All I Need,” released in 1984, is his only Top 40 hit. It was written and produced by Clif Magness and Glen Ballard, a prolific songwriting team in the ’80s. This post, however, isn’t dedicated to “All I Need” at all, but rather to the follow-up single, “Lady of My Heart,” a blank ballad written by Foster, Ballard, and Jay Graydon that, to my surprise, actually managed to climb all the way up to #76 on the Billboard chart in the spring of ‘85.

“Lady of My Heart,” by Jack Wagner, from All I Need (1984)

It’s incredibly bland — I can’t listen to it without conjuring an image of a snotty high school senior with a Clark Kent hairdo singing his heartfelt rendition in front of his teachers and fellow students toward the end of an episode of Fame after learning a lesson or two about the hard realities of showbiz. Cut to Bruno and Coco smiling knowingly at each other as the end credits appear over the lame freeze-frame.

(more…)

Into the Ear of Madness: Week 21 — The Passion Burns Deep

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

When I heard “Love Theme from St. Elmo’s Fire” for the first time in 1985 or 1986, it was the also the first time that I became aware of David Foster. I had a friend at the time, a spoiled little brat who used to sport a white skipper hat and a ponytail, kept about 25 pastel-colored linen suits in the style of Don Johnson in his walk-in closet along with matching espadrillos, and drove a banana-colored Citroen Visa — and of course he and his family were always the innovators: they were the first ones on our street to own a Betamax, the first ones with a modem and he was the first kid to get an Amiga (an ancient personal computer). We always used to laugh at his poor gaming skills, though, especially on this insanely addictive timewaster called Marble Madness, and when we did, he turned all red in the face, promptly turned off his computer and threw us out of the house. Every time. Then we laughed even harder — he was such a poor loser.

Ah, good times.

Anyway, he was also the first kid to buy a CD player, and I will never forget the day that he and I and some other guys went to the library and picked up a couple of CDs to put his new brand new player to the test. I hadn’t seen the movie yet, but I had heard “St. Elmo’s Fire (Man in Motion)” on the radio, and it was about the coolest thing I had ever heard, so I pleaded him to bring along the St. Elmo’s Fire soundtrack. He was more of a Mantronix (!) man, but he reluctantly agreed. (more…)

Into the Ear of Madness: Week 20 — More Power, Ballad Style

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by the man. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

I’m on vacation, spending the rest of the week by the Mediterranean, but hagen wouldn’t let me off the hook, so here’s a little something for you to enjoy while I’m away. Due to the circumstances, I’m afraid this week’s entry will be painfully short. I left my Fosterclopedia tools at home, so there’ll be no amusing anecdotes or pointless trivia to accompany the music. You may claim that I could have foreseen these events and written this week’s post ahead of schedule, and of course you’re absolutely right. But that’s just not how I work. To paraphrase David Foster, I’m “living for the moment” (from his 1990 solo album River of Love).

“Hold Me Til the Morning Comes,” by Paul Anka

We’re starting this week with a duet. You may remember my duet ramblings from last time, when I mentioned the Paul Anka-Peter Cetera collaboration. I’m sure you were excited by the idea, and who am I to let you down? Here’s the track in all its splendor. Someone — I think some guy at a fan site — noted that it sounds like a lost track from Chicago 17, and I agree. Replace Mr. Anka with Bill Champlin and you’ve got a perfect Chicago ballad (”perfect” being a relative term, of course) in the style of “Hard Habit to Break.”

“I Can Wait Forever,” by Air Supply (from the Ghostbusters soundtrack)

And then we have this memorable ballad from Australia’s most popular soft rockers. It’s my favorite Air Supply ballad, if indeed there is such a thing. “I Can Wait Forever” is a tight, solid David Foster production in the style that made him so famous (or infamous, depending on your tastes) in the early 1980s. In fact, both of the featured songs’ melodies are really strong and infectious. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself humming these tunes as you’re walking home from work this afternoon; I know I do it on a pretty regular basis (note the deliberate ambiguity here).

That’s all for this week. We’ll soon be done with all these power ballads, and then we’ll enter the realm of David Foster: The Solo Artist. Well, gotta go — I have an appointment with Michael Caine and Steve Martin in about half an hour.