This recent missive to Clive Davis, major label majordomo and Svengali to the Adult Contemporary set, discusses Uncle Donnie’s ideas for a post-comeback Whitney Houston comeback. Whether Clive or Whitney do anything with his advice is another matter entirely.
This is the last Uncle Donnie memo to be posted in 2009. On behalf of Lev and his uncle, I wish you a happy holiday. See you next year. – RS
TO: Clive Davis
FROM: Don Skwatzenschitz
RE: Career Advice for Whitney
Shalom! And a great big Gut Yontiff to you and yours! I hope it’s been a great year for you, what with Kelly coming back into the fold (is she putting on weight for a role? Did some studio finally option the script I did for From Justin to Kelly II: Alexa’s Revenge? I’ll have to check). Getting Whitney out there was a feat of pure chutzpa, as well, though her televised performances left something to—well, let’s just say they had me wishing I could see Bobby Brown scoop poo out of her toochis.
But what can you do, Clive? What can you do? You tried everything—you marketed it perfectly, you got her in the studio with passable songs and half-decent production. There were poppy/dancy tracks and big, melisma-showcasing ballads. She used to knock that stuff out of the park. Maybe she just doesn’t have it anymore. I know, I know—it’s hard to believe, much less have to face yourself, that your little doll, your female side personified for the last 25 years, has turned into a whacked-out, coked-out has-been who can’t hit the high notes anymore. It’s tough to write that, my friend. I imagine it’s even tougher to live it. (more…)



I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised about this, but Lev brought over this missive in which Uncle Donnie weighs in on the ongoing Aerosmith drama. -RS
This is a memo written in 1977 to the Canadian management of Rush. If pictures from this period are any indication, Uncle Donnie had taken to sporting a green Mohawk for at least several months that year. -RS
In 1967, Rick James was just getting out of military prison, having served a year for going AWOL from the Navy, and was pondering a return to music with the
Uncle Donnie has a soft spot for lost causes, and there are none more lost than Ms. Love. This recent missive outlines his concerns, and his plans to help her rise again. -RS
According to Lev, Uncle Donnie served in some capacity in the Def Leppard camp during the recording sessions for
TO: Barry Gibb
TO: Donny Osmond
Unbeknownst to me and many others, Uncle Donnie was an adviser for Van Halen from roughly 1980 through ‘85, when David Lee Roth bolted the band. Apparently, he came aboard to be in charge of their concert merchandise line (including the oft-overlooked Diamond Dave dildos, in six flashy colors—suck on that, Gene Simmons) and wound up running a number of their business affairs. Not sure what led VH to part ways with Uncle Donnie, but this memo, from around ‘85, might offer a clue or two.
TO: Billy Squier