Don’t Give ‘Em Any Ideas: “Ferris Bieber’s Day Off”

Written by Film

We all know Hollywood is bereft of ideas and has been for a good long time. There’s still no reason why we should lead them to awful choices, and yet Popdose insists — nay, demands! — to speak the name of atrocity aloud. It’s called “Don’t Give ‘Em Any Ideas” for a reason, folks!

Ferris Bieber’s Day Off (2011): Young Ferris Bieber has the world by the short and curlies. His teachers are completely snowed, his parents (played by Michael and Dina Lohan) are oblivious to his shenanigans, and wherever he goes, mayhem ensues!

It is a sparkling spring day, and Ferris decides it’s too nice to waste it in class, so he calls his introverted, depressed friend Cameron (played by Usher, naturally) and proposes a day of hooky out in the big city. Cameron is suspicious, but the persuasive power of the Bieber cannot be denied.

Hijinks commence as they plot to break Ferris’ girlfriend Sloane (played by Kim Kardashian) out of class under the nose of suspicious Principal Rooney. Rooney, played by Jeffrey Jones, has had it with Bieber’s strutting around like he owns the place. He just wants to get his big ol’ adult-sized hands on Bieber, and when he does, it’s gonna be a spanking! Don’t you think it won’t be, mister! And not some quick, “This hurts me more than it does you” tap on the behind, either!

Ferris Bieber has another problem in the form of his jealous sister, Jeannie (played by Taylor Momsen). Jeannie’s tired of playing second fiddle to her cunning and crafty sibling and, this time, she’s going to make him pay. It doesn’t matter how trashy, how far down in the dirt, or how nasty things have to get. Even if she has to lift her shirt up to the whole world, she’ll expose Ferris for the sneaky little twerp he is!

A touching scene finds the three kids strolling around an art museum, set to the music of Flo Rida’s “Bieber Gonna Tap Some O’ Dat.” Cameron is transfixed by a painting on the wall of the gallery. He stares deeply at it, connects with the imagery on almost a spiritual level, and then Ferris springs up in front of it to flash the ‘peace’ sign. Oh, what a scamp that Ferris Bieber is!

Ferris Bieber’s Day Off is a delightful romp in the vein of Obligatory Pop Star Puff Piece, Obligatory Pop Star Puff Piece 2: Puff Harder, and D.W. Griffith’s Birth Of A Nation.