Dw. Dunphy On… Crawling Through a Winter Wonderland

Hey, East Coast, are you feeling a little European today? It’s the last great Blizzard of 2010, folks.

I have just finished digging out our driveway (thanks to the neighbors for the snow blowing, shovel assistance and the salt) and the sun has come out. Even so, with a six-foot drift in the backyard, icy winds blowing and the main roads still awaiting a plowing and salting, now may be a good time to try out that Wii you got for Christmas, or maybe hit Netflix for some movies.

Here then are some movies you may not want to rent today.

The Shining (1980) - The Stanley Kubrick classic based on Stephen King’s novel about a family taking care of a hotel for the winter. Hijinks ensue when the ghosts of the manse, as well as the snow outside and the stir craziness inside, start to take their toll. Writer Jack Torrence (Jack Nicholson) seethes, hyperventilates and hacks away, terrifying his wife and son. This is not a feel-good snowball fight kind of flick.

Misery (1990)  - Another Stephen King adaptation, this time directed by The Director Of Flipped, Meathead, Rob Reiner. Writer Paul Sheldon (James Caan – notice a trend?) is rescued from a blizzard by superfan Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates), but she is not at all happy with Sheldon’s latest plotline, killing off Annie’s favorite heroine Misery Chastain. It’s snowing outside, Sheldon is wounded and immobilized inside and his savior is cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

The Day After Tomorrow (2004) - Roland Emmerich’s ecological disaster flick brings scientist Jack Hall (Dennis Quaid) to the brink as his son, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, is trapped in New York under the effects of a new ice age, brought on by global warming. If that wasn’t enough, there are wolves, too! And what about food? What are we going to do? Well, let’s hide out in an abandoned Wendy’s, since the Halal Street-Meat vendor has been flash frozen like a Green Giant string bean…

Jack Frost (1998) - Jack Frost (Michael Keaton) dies in a car accident. Merry Christmas! But then he possesses the snowman on the lawn. It’s a heartwarming and frostbiting family comedy with CG effects, Frank Zappa‘s kids and the obvious moral of the story: If your name is Jack Frost, move to Florida. You’re just asking for trouble otherwise.

Alive (1993) - So, you’re on a rugby team and you’re flying home. My advice is to bring lots and lots of meat on the plane with you. Smuggle sausages in your underwear. Dress in drag and stuff two canned hams in your bra, whatever it takes. You’ll thank me later when your teammates aren’t gnawing on your shinbone. Oh, and Ethan Hawke as an Uruguayan? Not buying it.

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