Friday Night Videos!: The Hits of 1987

Written by Friday Night Videos!, Music

If you’re holding your breath for the day MTV starts playing music videos, let it go. It’s never going to happen, not while there’s still a Crib left to plunder, Mr. Yo.

But who needs MTV in the digital age? We’re here, the time’s right, and the videos are waiting for us. So set the way-way-back machine for 1987, strap on your shoulder pads, poof up that hair and layer those jackets. It’s time to rock.

Bruce Willis – Respect Yourself: How in the world could this song be the subject of this video sung by this person and still be “Respect Yourself?”

Expose – Let Me Be The One: 1987 was the year of the glamorous female singer/group. That’s about all I’ve got in regard to this video.

Bon Jovi – Wanted Dead Or Alive: Kids, take a look at this hair and understand why our current cancer rates have skyrocketed. I’m not saying you should blame Bon Jovi. I’m not saying you shouldn’t. Just take a good suck off your oxygen tank before you walk to the school bus.

ABC – When Smokey Sings: There is a small but strong contingent of ABC fans on the Popdose staff, so I do not dare snark on this video. But if I do, hoo boy! I mean, HOO BOY! I… uh… This is nice.

Madonna – La Isla Bonita: Last night, I dreamt of some bagels. Just like the night before at the donut store.

Samantha Fox – Touch Me (I Want Your Body): Imagine the shock of all the horny males of 1987 – Wait, she’s a singer?! I thought she was just a poster!

Genesis – Land Of Confusion: Think we could get Genesis to tour again if we substituted Phil Collins with his Spitting Image puppet? We can make this happen, people. You just gotta believe!

Tiffany – I Think We’re Alone Now: True confession time. I bought the Tiffany album even though I couldn’t stand her music. Why? She was cute and teenage boys are stupid. This should explain the meteoric rise of Katy Perry.

Whitesnake – Here I Go Again: There ought to be a law against brooding meaningfully into the camera during a music video. David Coverdale doesn’t seem intense as much as he appears to really be trying to pass the eye exam.

And your Number One song of 1987…

The Bangles – Walk Like An Egyptian: The Bangles. Dancing. In Egyptian two-piece garb. It’s a miracle the males of the species ever left their bedrooms that year.