If you’re holding your breath for the day MTV starts playing music videos, let it go. It’s never going to happen, not while there’s still a young, rich nobody out there with loose morals, no chastity belt and a script for an “unscripted” reality program to be read – Shhhh!! Keep a secret!!
But who needs MTV in the digital age? We’re here, the time’s right, and the videos are waiting for us. Even better; this week’s list was democratically determined by the Popdose Staff in honor of election week across the U.S. The terms were simple. The songs that get the most votes get the spots, except for the #1 of the year. And because this is a retroactive deal, you won’t have to vote again in four years to throw these bums out. So set the way-way-back machine for 1988, strap on your shoulder pads, poof up that hair and layer those jackets. It’s time to rock.
Guns And Roses – Welcome To The Jungle: For many, this is how the G’nR train began. Look closely at the people in the video and you’ll see how it finished for a lot of them too.
Tracy Chapman – Fast Car: I’ll never forget what my mom said about this song, being, “Man, that guy sure can sing!”
Cheap Trick – The Flame: For many, this was the moment that Indonesian junk that was going ’round finally took Cheap Trick down. For others, this was the soundtrack to backseat hanky panky. Either way, sexually transmitted diseases are no laughing matter. Always wear your wiener hat, guys.
George Harrison – Got My Mind Set On You: In the immortal words of the Popdose Staff, “Animatronic Squirrels!”
INXS – Never Tear Us Apart: So you’ve heard by now that INXS are back to re-record their hits with a cast of guest vocalists… and Rob Thomas. We’ll have a comment from Michael Hutchence later on.
Breathe – Hands To Heaven: Johnny Hates Breathe? Breathe Jazz? For years, I couldn’t tell the two apart. I’m not exactly sure I can now either!
Terrence Trent D’arby – Sign Your Name: He calls himself Sananda Francesco Maitreya now. His actual name was Terrence Trent Howard. Sign Your Name? WHICH ONE?!
Brenda Russell – Piano In The Dark: This song comes from the album Get Here. The song “Get Here” became a huge hit for Oleta Adams. Oleta Adams’ real name is Oleta Trent Maitreya. That Indonesian junk is still going ’round.
Icehouse – Electric Blue: This hit should have spawned a massive, hit-making legacy. Instead, the band spawned a crappy beer. It’s almost like Death Of A Salesman without the death, or the salesman.
Pet Shop Boys featuring Dusty Springfield – What Have I Done To Deserve This?: Many songs crossed the tabulation finish line with two votes, and so we had an animatronic squirrel break the deadlock and cast the winning vote for this tune. We approve, even if the robo-rodent is loosely affiliated with Glenn Beck.
…And your #1 song for the year 1988.
INXS – Need You Tonight: Here’s a primo quotation from Michael Hutchence, direct from the way, way, waaay outback (Legal footnote: this is not an afterlife quote from Michael Hutchence. Thanks for making us put up the disclaimer, you buzzkillers).
Have you ever heard of a thing call “auto-erotic asphyxiation?”
I really think you should give it a try… Right… Now.
That’s it for this week. Remember to tell your friends, enemies, robo-squirrels and Terrence Trent Whatshisface that Friday Night Videos! is on Popdose at 11:00pm Eastern Standard Time, so check your local listings for details – of which there won’t be any.