Mix Six: “Anti-Love Songs (Love Stinks)”

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Ever been dumped?Á‚  Stings, donÁ¢€â„¢t it?Á‚  We know.Á‚  Believe me, we at Popdose know.Á‚  Last year, as Valentine’s Day approached, many of the Popdose staffers gathered to trade stories of being dumped. After our Á¢€Å“boys and girlsÁ¢€ Iron John weekend, we wrote our stories of heartache and woe, and like idiots we posted our pain for all to shake their collective heads at –Á‚  my sob story can be read here and was penned when I went by the moniker Á¢€Å“Py Korry.Á¢€

Yes, I know ValentineÁ¢€â„¢s Day will be here in a matter of days, but sometimes you gotta be a contrarian and do a little something for those who have loved, lost and are still bitter they got dumped.

But never fear, dear readers: we here at Popdose wonÁ¢€â„¢t be pissing in the punchbowl on ValentineÁ¢€â„¢s Day. We have something special planned where Á¢€Å“the softer sideÁ¢€ of the staff will be laid bare, shorn of any cynical edges.

Until then, however, letÁ¢€â„¢s get on with the show!

Á¢€Å“Love Stinks,Á¢€ The J. Geils Band (download)

Peter Wolf and his ex-pals from the band must have sent Adam Sandler a big bag of blow in the shape of a heart after he used this song to great effect in The Wedding Singer.Á‚  Indeed, thereÁ¢€â„¢s a kind of cultural divide between those who know this song from when it came out in 1980 (and during the early years of MTV) and those who know it from the movie. But it doesnÁ¢€â„¢t matter when you heard it first, because 10 seconds into the song, you know youÁ¢€â„¢re hearing a classic.Á‚  And, to be frank, if I didnÁ¢€â„¢t lead with a Á¢€Å“top of the hour cookerÁ¢€ like Á¢€Å“Love Stinks,Á¢€ my claim to bluntness would have been hollow.

Á¢€Å“Ex-Girlfriend,Á¢€ No Doubt (download)

If youÁ¢€â„¢re the one whoÁ¢€â„¢s doing the breaking up, thereÁ¢€â„¢s a good chance you will know what Hell is, as the brokenheartedÁ¢€â„¢s heart fills with venomous anger directed at Y-O-U. DonÁ¢€â„¢t believe me?Á‚  Well, letÁ¢€â„¢s say youÁ¢€â„¢re Tony Kanal of No Doubt and your ex-girlfriend is Gwen Stefani.Á‚  You had some good years, but youÁ¢€â„¢re just not Á¢€Å“feelinÁ¢€â„¢ itÁ¢€ anymore, and you break it off.Á‚  Well, not only do you get to hear about your break-up in the lyrics in song after song, but you have to play bass on many of the tracks, too.Á‚  Plus, you get to experience the utter joy of people always saying: Á¢€Å“So, youÁ¢€â„¢re the guy who broke up with Gwen Stefani? Are you crazy? SheÁ¢€â„¢s hot!Á¢€

Á¢€Å“Dancing with Tears in My Eyes,Á¢€Á‚  X (download)

Man, high school sucks sometimes.Á‚  Did you ever go to a dance and long for someone else, while the one youÁ¢€â„¢re dancing with longs for you?Á‚  No, that never happened to me either.

Á¢€Å“Song for the Dumped,Á¢€ Ben Folds Five (download)

In a way, this song is a good counterpoint to PinkÁ¢€â„¢s Á¢€Å“U + Ur Hand.Á¢€ LetÁ¢€â„¢s imagine the following scene, shall we?

FADE IN
INT. MR LUCKYÁ¢€â„¢S BAR – NIGHT

In some crummy bar located in some faceless strip mall, we see a very drunk PINK stumble across the room and confront a bitter and heart-stricken BEN FOLDS sitting at a nearby table.

PINK
I was fine before you walked into my life/Á¢€â„¢Cause you know it’s over before it began/Keep your drink just give me the money/It’s just u and ur hand tonight.

BEN, not missing a beat, retorts acidly — and melodically :

I wish I hadn’t bought you dinner/Right before you dumped me on your front porch/Give me my money back/Give me my money back/You bitch.

As the screen fades to black, we hear maudlin music swell as the credits roll.

THE END

Á¢€Å“Unhappy Birthday,Á¢€ The Smiths (download)

Very few can do bitter — combined with unintentional Á¢€Å“funnyÁ¢€ — like Morrissey.Á‚  I would love to hear the out takes from the making of any Smiths album because IÁ¢€â„¢d have to know how many times it took him to sing lines like Á¢€Å“Cause youÁ¢€â„¢re evil and you lieÁ¢€ without laughing.

Á¢€Å“Untouchable Face,Á¢€ Ani DiFranco (download)

Ah, getting dumped never sounds so sweet as when Ani DiFranco sings about it.Á‚  And so it goes with Á¢€Å“Untouchable FaceÁ¢€– an ode to a break-up where one has moved on to a more perfect relationship, and the other … well, sheÁ¢€â„¢s still coping with anger issues and is dealing with them by writing songs embraced by tens of thousands lonely hearts who wish they could crush the one they loved with two words.