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Oprah’s Rock Club: Bolt Thrower, “Those Once Loyal”

Darren Robbins April 30, 2008 8

Girlfriends, I was sitting on my diamond-encrusted toilet the other day thinking that ya’ll probably had no idea what kind of music to buy. Judging by your willingness to accept my book choices as gospel, I realize the power I wield and the idea of sending a couple million sheep tumbling off the nearest cliff does tickle me, child, but I digress.

So, without further a-do-do-do-de-da-da-da, here is this week’s pre-cease-and-desist-order Oprah’s Rock Club pick:

Bolt Thrower, Those Once Loyal (2005)

This one has been out awhile, but, hey, I’m Oprah. I get there when I get there. These lovable boys from Birmingham (England, not Alabama) deliver the goods on their ninth (and final?) long player, which sees the return of original vocalist Karl Willetts.

Like a dependable dog with a mean case of rabies, Bolt Thrower not only fetch the paper, but tear the sumbitch to shreds and lay the saliva-drenched pulp at your feet while unleashing pure skull-fucking fury on standout tracks “At First Light” and “Those Once Loyal”.

I personally thought they had done it all and said it all on Who Dares Wins from ’94, but Oprah stands corrected.

Those Once Loyal is a four-on-the-floor, Marshall-stack-powered full frontal assault on the senses that will leave your favorite Victoria’s Secret thong in a crumpled heap and smelling of motor oil on the floor of your Ford Freestar (right next to a Starbucks cup that seems to have been MacGyver’ed into a makeshift …oh, nevermind, child…Oprah’s already said too much).

Now, drop the kids off at soccer practice already and haul ass over to Borders and special order this one from the cute guy with the nose ring that works on the second floor. Like you needed an excuse, Honey.

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  • JohnHughes

    It's the “lawsuit” tag that's the tasty frosting on this comedy cake.

  • http://www.popdose.com DwDunphy

    You're one sick Humbug, Opie.

    I'd love to hear “her” take on Katatonia's “The Great Cold Distance”, my obsession of the week…

  • Darren

    Did Oprah just say “skull-fucking”? :)

  • http://www.popdose.com DwDunphy

    No. She said “Skoal Choking”. She like-a the chewbacco.

  • http://retro-remixes.blogspot.com deltablues2

    I''m sorry to have to say this but I don't like the “gimmick” of this column. It's unnecessary and doesn't really make any sense. Why not just have a column that recommends heavy metal releases ? And taking potshots at Oprah is just lame.

  • Darren

    It's okay, man. See, not everybody thinks everything is funny. If that were the case, there'd only be one stand-up comedian (with my luck, David Brenner) and one kind of music (please God not gangsta rap).

    We are each unique in our likes and dislikes. I, for example,loathe delta blues, delta burke, my buddy's delta 88 that broke down on the way to pick up our prom dates, and delta dawn regardless of what flower she has on.

  • Darren

    It's okay, man. See, not everybody thinks everything is funny. If that were the case, there'd only be one stand-up comedian (with my luck, David Brenner) and one kind of music (please God not gangsta rap).

    We are each unique in our likes and dislikes. I, for example,loathe delta blues, delta burke, my buddy's delta 88 that broke down on the way to pick up our prom dates, and delta dawn regardless of what flower she has on.

  • Darren

    It's okay, man. See, not everybody thinks everything is funny. If that were the case, there'd only be one stand-up comedian (with my luck, David Brenner) and one kind of music (please God not gangsta rap).

    We are each unique in our likes and dislikes. I, for example,loathe delta blues, delta burke, my buddy's delta 88 that broke down on the way to pick up our prom dates, and delta dawn regardless of what flower she has on.