15. His trash-talking during high school basketball games inspired White Men Can’t Jump

14. Until 2004, his last name was X

13. His actual grandmother? Oprah

12. He’ll only put his hand on his heart at Sanford and Son conventions

11. He is the guest rapper on Jay-Z’s new remix of “99 Problems”

10. He’s never around when Frozone appears

9. He sold his soul to the devil at a crossroads in exchange for smooth speechifyin’

8. Malia and Sasha attend a Madrasah on the South Side

7. He snacks on American flags

6. His new arrangement with Hillary?

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/MtfipeRNOrg" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

5. His actual grandfather? Neville Chamberlain

4. Michelle also changed her name in 2004. Her former name? Sister Souljah

3. Was in Wrigley Field stands during Cubs-Cardinals brawl in ’85, and was heard to shout, “Kill Whitey!”

2. He plans to eat our children

1. His great-great-grandfather?

Oh, and one more thing.