15. His trash-talking during high school basketball games inspired White Men Can’t Jump
14. Until 2004, his last name was X
13. His actual grandmother? Oprah
12. He’ll only put his hand on his heart at Sanford and Son conventions
11. He is the guest rapper on Jay-Z’s new remix of “99 Problems”
10. He’s never around when Frozone appears
9. He sold his soul to the devil at a crossroads in exchange for smooth speechifyin’
8. Malia and Sasha attend a Madrasah on the South Side
7. He snacks on American flags
6. His new arrangement with Hillary?
5. His actual grandfather? Neville Chamberlain
4. Michelle also changed her name in 2004. Her former name? Sister Souljah
3. Was in Wrigley Field stands during Cubs-Cardinals brawl in ’85, and was heard to shout, “Kill Whitey!”
2. He plans to eat our children
1. His great-great-grandfather?
Oh, and one more thing.
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