As I’m sure you’re aware if you’re a watcher of movies, if you were to put together a pie chart measuring anticipation for movies being released in 2015, about 60 percent of it would be taken up by “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” 25 by “Avengers: Age of Ultron” and 10 by “Jurassic World,” with a tiny little 5 percent sliver for everything else, both with colons in their titles and without. It’s not right.
So to give those other flicks a fair shake, I’ve listed here my top 10 OTHER movies that haven’t come out yet, in as many disparate genres as possible, followed by my top 5 most likely stinkers of 2015, because pop culture writers can never be completely positive. It’s a law.
1) “The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out Of Water” (February): If you thought they couldn’t improve upon the first SpongeBob movie, in which SpongeBob meets David Hasselhoff, think again: This one features live-action 3-D versions of SpongeBob and friends. And while it doesn’t have Hasselhoff, it does have Antonio Banderas, Seth Green and Slash, not necessarily in that order.
2) “Maps to the Stars” (February): Directed by David Cronenberg and featuring John Cusack, Mia Wasikowska and (best of all) Julianne Moore as “unraveling actress Havana Segrand,” it’s a Hollywood ghost story that’s rated R for “strong disturbing violence and sexual content, graphic nudity, language and some drug material.” Take that, wimpy PG-13 horror thrillers! You know who you are.
3) “Deli Man” (February): A documentary on the culinary and cultural history of Jewish delicatessens? As someone who still regularly tells the story of the time I ran into Henny Youngman in the Carnegie Deli in 1988 to anyone who will listen, I think I’m probably the intended audience.
4) “Far From the Madding Crowd” (May): In perhaps the ultimate example of counter-programming, this adaptation of the 1874 Thomas Hardy romance novel is going up against “Avengers: Age of Ultron.” And it’s got the one thing that Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Black Widow, The Hulk and Hawkeye don’t have: the lush pastoral setting of 19th century England. Also, petticoats!
5) “Ricky and the Flash” (June): WARNING: Does not involve Ricky Ricardo, or The Flash from DC Comics and the CW. Boy, did I almost find that out the hard way. Regardless, it features Meryl Streep as an aging rock star, and that’s all I need to know.
6) “Pixels” (July): This is the one where space aliens attack earth in the form of ’80s videogames, and a trio of washed-up former gamers played by Adam Sandler, Peter Dinklage and Josh Gad has to save the world. That sounds better than 100 “Blended”s. OK, 1,000. (1,000,000?)
7) “Scouts vs. Zombies” (October): This is the one where scouts fight zombies.
8) “The Peanuts Movie” (November): If you thought 3D SpongeBob was exciting, how about 3D Snoopy? If it stays true to the Charles M. Schulz formula of mixing droll humor and melancholy, it just might jump start good ol’ Charlie Brown for a new generation. Now let us all join hands and pray for no fart jokes.
9) “Rock the Kasbah” (November): I’m going to just paste in the whole description from Movie Insider, and just tell me there’s anyone in the world who wouldn’t want to see this movie: “A burned out music manager (Bill Murray) goes to Afghanistan on the USO tour with his last remaining client. When he finds himself abandoned, penniless and without his passport, he discovers a young girl with an extraordinary voice who stows away with him back to Kabul to compete on the popular television show, the ‘Afghan Star,’ Afghanistan’s equivalent of ‘American Idol.’” I swear I didn’t make any of that up. And Bruce Willis is in it too!
10) “Sisters” (December): Tina Fey and Amy Pohler, yadda yadda yadda, hilarity. To paraphrase Gene Siskel, I’d pay to watch these two having lunch.
1) “Chappie” (March): Let’s face it, movies about persecuted robots that are meant to tug at our heartstrings peaked with “Short Circuit” (1986) and have been going downhill ever since. (Sorry, “Bicentennial Man.”) I don’t anticipate a turnaround here.
2) “Cinderella” (March): Oh good, a live-action version of the Disney … Zzzzzzzzzzz …
3) “Poltergeist” (July): Sacrilege! If Craig T. Nelson isn’t involved, a boycott is in order. Plus, first rule of Hollywood: Never remake a cursed movie. Have we learned nothing from “Footloose”?
4) “Viktor Frankenstein” (October): For some reason I can’t work myself up to get excited about a “character drama” about Frankenstein’s monster from the point of view of Igor, played by Daniel Radcliffe. Unless of course it contains the following exchange of dialogue:
5) Untitled Cold War Spy Thriller (October): Also known as, the movie where America finally turns on Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg. Oh, who am I kidding, it’s gonna be awesome.
Read more Pete at Pete’s Pop Culture, Parenting & Pets Blog.