Nov. 8, 2012
To: Walt Disney Studios Chairman Alan Horn
Fr: George Lucas
Re: Story ideas for Star Wars Episode VII
Thanks for taking the time to review the plot outlines I’d been working on for Ep. VII. As you know, you’re under no obligation to use these, but as the creator of “Star Wars” I think I have a good sense of what longtime fans are looking for. (Although if you go in a different direction I’ll just have to drown my sorrows in my $4 billion — ha ha!)
We’ll start with Han Solo, since he’ll obviously need to be central to the new trilogy. As Ep. VII kicks off, the former smuggler has ironically been named viceroy of the newly reestablished Trade Federation and is attempting to regulate interstellar shipping passing through the Rim territories. In a long, pivotal scene, he must argue in front of the Republic Senate for a loosening of trade restrictions, where he is opposed by upstart young Senator Ak-Run, grandson of Ak-Rev, the Weequay drum player for the Max Rebo Band in the Special Edition of “Return of the Jedi.” (Fans will love that little Easter egg!)
After their debate, Han mutters to himself, “I’m getting too old for this bantha poodoo.” Later, of course, there’s an action sequence where Ak-Run shoots first and Han must defend himself despite his long-established pacifist tendencies.
As for Luke Skywalker, he’s spent years on Blathshorp, a remote desert planet (or possibly swamp or snow — you can add in the CGI later) reestablishing a Jedi temple. It’s populated mostly by Bleebops, little Jedi trainees (approx. 1-2 feet tall) who look sort of like a cross between troll dolls and those baby otters you see in those cute memes on Pinterest. Their leader, Bloop-Bloop Badoop, talks in funny broken English like Warner Oland in those old Charlie Chan movies.
Luke has a beard like Obi-Wan had, and talks in Jedi aphorisms but with an updated twist, like “Use the Force, but don’t abuse the Force, my young Bleebop Padawan friends, you dig?” Yoda visits him as a Force ghost and says things like, “Still have much to learn, you do, despite your age — 900 years old I was when a Force ghost I became,” etc. I was working on CGI for an Alec Guinness Obi-Wan Force ghost also, but you may just have to go with Ewan McGregor instead — don’t worry, nobody will care.
I haven’t fully worked through what happens with Princess Leia, but I have some sketches of her with her hair in five buns instead of just the two, which I think would be pretty groundbreaking. Also, she can spend the entire movie in a metal bikini (you can add in the CGI later). And she’ll have a whole new slew of insults for Chewbacca, calling him a “walking sweater,” “walking fuzzy wallpaper,” etc. You can work out the exact wording on set.
As for plot, a new Sith Lord has threatened to throw the Force out of balance, lightsabers, space battles, droid hijinks, yadda yadda yadda. You can work out the exact wording on set.
Happy to sit down and discuss these further! Looking forward to hearing what you think.
We liked the idea of Luke having a beard.
Read more Pete at Pete’s Pop Culture, Parenting & Pets Blog.