Sugar Water: Test Your Knowledge of Hollywood’s Creative Bankruptcy!

Written by Film, Sugar Water

Sequels! Adaptations! Ill-advised remakes! It’s gotten so it’s hard to tell what’s a real movie in development and what’s a story in The Onion — and that’s where our quiz comes in.

The summer movie season finally begins to wind down this weekend with the release of Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds. So what’s next in Hollywood’s blockbuster pipeline? Would you believe a song-and-dance remake of The Bodyguard starring Hugh Jackman and Miley Cyrus? As of July that was the case, but earlier this month a spokesperson for the Wolverine star denied he was involved in the project.

It’s just as well since “Personal Security” sounded like an April Fool’s Day joke in the first place, but these days it can be difficult to tell when Hollywood’s being serious about its various remakes (The Last Dragon, The Secret of NIMH, and even 1985’s Clue, among many others, are currently in development), sequels (a second Bull Durham, a fourth Beverly Hills Cop, a fifth Indiana Jones adventure), and adaptations of everything under the sun. (By the way, I loved that comment you left on the site that one time. In fact, that comment would make a great movie!)

Can you believe everything you read? Well, of course you can, but that doesn’t mean you should. Without consulting any sources, including all your friends who work at Variety and The Hollywood Reporter, take the quiz below and submit your answers to me via e-mail. A winner will be chosen at random and will receive a prize package that includes Hannah Montana: The Movie on Blu-ray, the first season of Peyton Place on DVD, and a free copy of Jack Wagner’s Don’t Give Up Your Day Job, recently reissued on CD by Friday Music. Hey, remember when the General Hospital star made the jump to the big screen in 1984’s Hard to Hold? Or maybe that was somebody else. Oh well, on with the quiz!

1. Following the success of the two Transformers movies and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, which toy line from the 1980s is next in line for the silver-screen treatment?

(a) Gobots
(b) M.A.S.K.
(c) Jem
(d) Masters of the Universe

2. True or false? The Lego Group recently signed a deal with a major studio to make movies based on its building-block toys.

(a) True
(b) False

3. Which popular board game is not being adapted into a movie?

(a) Candy Land
(b) Life
(c) Monopoly
(d) Battleship

4. Oliver Stone is attached to direct “Monopoly.”

(a) True
(b) False

5. Which of the following Atari video games is being developed for the big screen?

(a) Asteroids
(b) Pitfall
(c) Combat
(d) Breakout

6. General Mills is partnering with two studios to turn its Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry cereals into 3-D animated films.

(a) True
(b) False

7. Which popular 1980s TV series is not being adapted into a movie?

(a) MacGyver
(b) Magnum, P.I.
(c) Scarecrow and Mrs. King
(d) T.J. Hooker

8. Beyoncé Knowles is being considered for the role of Wonder Woman in the planned big-screen adaptation of the DC Comics superhero.

(a) True
(b) False

9. Johnny Depp is set to star in his eighth film — and sixth adaptation/remake/”reimagining” — for director Tim Burton. What is it?

(a) “My Fair Lady”
(b) “Dark Shadows”
(c) “Houdini”
(d) “To Kill a Mockingbird”

10. Megan Fox and Kristen Stewart will star in a remake of 1991’s Thelma & Louise.

(a) True
(b) False

BONUS: Which of the following movie-news items is real?

(a) “A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas” is being developed for a 2010 release.
(b) Director Zhang Yimou (Raise the Red Lantern, Hero) is remaking the Coen brothers’ Blood Simple and relocating the action to a Chinese noodle shop.
(c) Will Smith is in preliminary talks to star in “City That Sailed” as a New York City dad whose love for his daughter overseas is so strong that Manhattan begins to float over to her side of the Atlantic.
(d) all of the above
(e) none of the above

Thanks to Tamara Faulkner for the initial idea, and Arend Anton, Bob Cashill, Jeff Giles, Jason Hare, Jeff Johnson, Scott Malchus, and Kelly Stitzel for contributing various news items.