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Friday, July 17th, 2009

CHART ATTACK!: 7/20/74

by Jason Hare

Hi again, everyone! Thanks for all the fantastic comments on the all-Michael Jackson edition of CHART ATTACK! Did you notice that Motown jumped all over his death and released Michael Jackson: The Stripped Mixes? And it’s scary to think that this is only the tip of the iceberg. But that’s all I’m going to say about it — I’m all MJ’d out and I imagine you are, too — so this week, let’s go back a full 35 years and see what was at the top of the charts for the week ending July 20, 1974!

10. If You Love Me (Let Me Know) — Olivia Newton-JohnÂ Amazon
9. The Air That I Breathe — The Hollies Amazon iTunes
8. You Won’t See Me — Anne MurrayÂ Amazon iTunes
7. Rikki Don’t Lose That Number — Steely Dan Amazon iTunes
6. Rock the Boat — The Hues Corporation Amazon iTunes
5. On and On — Gladys Knight & the Pips Amazon iTunes
4. Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me — Elton John Amazon iTunes
3. Rock and Roll Heaven — The Righteous BrothersÂ Amazon
2. Annie’s Song — John Denver Amazon iTunes
1. Rock Your Baby — George McCrae Amazon iTunes

10. If You Love Me (Let Me Know) — Olivia Newton-John

This song is a pretty simple pop-twinged country tune (it peaked at #2 on the Country chart and remains her highest charting song there), and is a fine vehicle for ONJ’s beautiful voice. However, the choruses feature a backing vocal by what can only be described as a drunk bullfrog. There are a number of voices joining in behind Olivia on the chorus, but this guy is just way lower (and louder in the mix) than the others, and it sounds odd. I mean, clearly it was done to achieve a certain feel, but I just can’t get behind it. What I can get behind, though, is any clip of Olivia Newton-John, ever, because she is SO DAMN CUTE.

9. The Air That I Breathe — The Hollies

I really love this song. For me, it’ll always be one of those songs that just transcends time and genre. That being said, it’s a cover fave for many “light” artists: Barry Manilow, k.d. lang, Air Supply, Judy Collins…the list goes on. The Hollies version is actually a cover itself; it was co-written by Albert Hammond and Mike Hazlewood and recorded by Hammond in 1972. Phil Everly covered it in 1973, and in 1974 the Hollies had, by far, the greatest success with it, reaching #6. It wound up being the last of their numerous top 10 hits. I like Hammond’s original version, and I’m also partial to a cover by Semisonic; those links will take you to the excellent Coverville podcast where I heard both for the first time.

I was thinking about including a clip of the Hollies performing the song, but then I’d be turning down a perfectly good opportunity to look at Olivia Newton-John again. So here’s her cover.

8. You Won’t See Me — Anne Murray

Aw, crap. Who the hell asked for this? Did the Beatles split affect us so much that we just allowed any cover to reach the Top 10? When Paul sang it, he had irritation in his voice; I don’t know if Anne Murray has ever sounded irritated in her whole life. She gets rid of the awesome “ooh la la la” backing vocals, and confuses the listener by featuring a somewhat funky fade-in, creating a vibe that is completely eliminated by the time she starts to sing. And yet, according to the liner notes of her greatest hits album, Lennon apparently told Murray that her cover was his favorite Beatles cover. Like, ever. If this is true, then clearly John had a soft spot for Captain & Tennille, because this track sounds like it was ripped right off of them. In fact, I’m unconvinced that this isn’t actually a C&T track with Murray singing over it.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse…check out those shoulder pads!

(more...)

Tags: Alan O'Day, Albert Hammond, Anne Murray, Carl Wilson, Chart Attack!, Dionne Warwick, Elton John, fuckmikelove, George McCrae, George Michael, Gladys Knight & The Pips, Hues Corporation, Jason Hare, John Denver, KC & the Sunshine Band, Mike Love, Olivia Newton-John, Semisonic, Steely Dan, The Hollies, The Righteous Brothers
Posted in Chart Attack!, Featured, Featured - Frontpage, Music | Comments

Thursday, December 25th, 2008

The Twenty-Fifth Day of Mellowmas: Wingmas!

by Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Jason: Jeff, are you awake?

Jeff: Ah, Mellowmas morn!

Jason: Is it…is it…is it here? I’m a little groggy.

Jeff: I put a little something extra in your eggnog last night.

Can you smell the holiday spirit in the air?

Jason: I can’t smell anything. My nose is all stuffed. I think Smash Mouth gave me a cold. I think I fell asleep around 4 or 5 AM, but only for about 10 minutes. Suddenly, I heard Steve Harwell yelling.

Jeff: That may have been your mom.

Jason: He was all “IZZAT YOU SANNA CLAUS???” and I think I accidentally wet the bed.

Jeff: Hey, look! The fortune cookies you left out are gone!

Jason: They….they are?

Jeff: There’s a note on the table!

Jason: There….there is?

Jeff: Let’s see what it says.

Jason: Read it to me. My eyes are all sleepy. It’s so sleepy in here.

Jeff: “Dear Jaseff & Jon,

Thank for cookies. Please enjoy my musicas.”

“Love,

Wing”

Jason: gasp

Jeff: gasp

Jason: OH NO! Not….not Wing!

Jeff: claps

Jason: Oh NO!

Jeff: Wing is Santa Mellow!

Jason: This is the worst Mellowmas Day EVER! This is worse than Starland Vocal Band! This is worse than “Wonderful Christmastime“!

Jeff: It’s the most perfectly logical conclusion to Mellowmas! What, I ask you, is more Mellowmas than Wing?

Jason: You know what? You’re right. I don’t want you to be right. But you’re right. It’s true. Earnest + shit = Mellowmas.

Jeff: Oh, I’m so excited. I wonder which timeless carols Wing performs on her holiday album, Everyone Sings Carols with Wing. Hmmm…let’s see…”Ca Si Na Mu”?

Jason: “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear”!

Jeff: “Sheung Hai Tan II”?

Jason: “(Chinese Version).” Which is a relief, because the Korean version really weirds me out.

Jeff: “O Mio Babbino Caro”?

Jason: Wait, wait, wait. “Vision of Love”?

Jeff: That can’t be the Mariah Carey song. Can it?

Jason: “When You Believe”? That would be TWO Mariah Carey songs, Jeff.

Jeff: Which is perfect. Seeing as how Mariah Carey has actually recorded a Christmas album. And Wing could have done a song or two from that. Maybe these are different songs titled “Vision of Love” and “When You Believe.”

Jason: Hold on. I’m on the phone with the airline, booking my ticket to Sarajevo.

Jeff: Make sure they don’t seat you next to Bolton. I hear he snores.

Jason: I would take Bolton snoring in my ear over Wing singing Christmas carols.

Jeff: Fortunately, you don’t have a choice in the matter. Where should we begin? I’m so excited, I can’t pick.

Jason: Sigh

I can’t believe this. This is the way Mellowmas ends?

Okay, fine. “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” (download).

Jeff: “(To Kick Wing’s Ass).”

Jason: Hey, those horns sound real.

Jeff: Nice backing!

Jason: UGH!

Jeff: Oh no!

Jason: ACK!

Jeff: Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing

Jason: Did you hear the “Why?” in the background? That was me, yelling “WHY, WING? WHY!??!”

Jeff: I want you to know, it’s taking everything I have to type right now. I’m laughing so hard I can barely see. I’d love to know how this was recorded.

Jason: Oh, I think it’s obvious.

Jeff: Were those backing vocalists in the studio with Wing? Were they real?

Jason: Oh, hell no. Wing’s producer goes out and spends $5.99 on a karaoke track. $6.41 with tax.

Jeff: He sees when you are sleeping! He knows if you been back or good! I’m dancing in my chair.

Jason: Can you imagine what the karaoke backing singers would think if they heard this?

Jeff: Oh, I wish I could be there to see that.

Jason: Had they known, they might have demanded more money. I mean, the difference between the two styles is just hysterical.

Jeff: I keep hoping Wing will record an album with live musicians. Big finish! Wow!

Jason: Ooh, she’s holding out that last note! She nailed it!

Jeff: Wing’s got some lungs on her!

Jason: She nailed in that way that only Wing can nail it!

Jeff: With a fucking nail gun, right through the cerebral cortex!

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: Ba-DOW!

Jason: I’m starting to perk up a little.

Jeff: See?

Jason: Hang on, let me get some eggnog from my fridge. I need something to help me swallow this Percocet.

Jeff: Now you’re getting into it.

Jason: Shall we listen to another?

Jeff: Oh, let’s.

Jason: “Jingle Bells” (download)?

Jeff: I’d love to.

Jason: Okay!

Jeff: Oooh!

Jason: More real horns!

Jeff: Uptempo!

Jason: Another $6.41!

Jeff: Over sheels we go!

Jason: Laughing all the weeeey!

Jeff: Oh my God, I love this so much.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Listen to how she punches “Bells!” She’s fucking serious about jingle bells!

Jeff: Satan by my side?

Jason: And soon Miss Fencing Bright?

Jeff: I completely lost track of what she was saying back there.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! This is AWESOME!

Jeff: I don’t care. I’m just going with the flow.

Jason: Yeah, me too. I’m grooving a little in my chair now.

Jeff: She sounds out of breath. I wonder if her asshole producer sped up the track just to mess with Wing.

Jason: My cats are trying to flush themselves down the toilet.

Jeff: Another big finish!

Jason: What? Only 1:47? NO! Noooooo!

Jeff: Whatever. I have it on a loop.

Jason: I can’t believe what I’m saying, but that wasn’t enough.

Jeff: I’m dashing froo the snow again. Did she say “sing a snake song tonight”?

Jason: She might have! It’s Wing!

I love this. Another! Another!

Jeff: Yes!

Jason: Just not “Ca Si Na Mu,” because iTunes says it’s 6:02.

Jeff: How about “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear” (download)?

Jason: Okay, THOSE are synths.

Jeff: Is that David Foster on the keys?

Jason: It came upon a mit! night clear!

Jeff: So. Much. Wing. This could be none more Wing. She has Winged to 11.

Jason: I told you back during Earmageddon: I kind of love this stuff now.

Jeff: Piss on the Earth?

Jason: Hey, man. It’s Wing’s world. We just live in it.

Jeff: This sort of reminds me of going to church when I was younger.

Jason: Yeah?

Jeff: Although if Wing had been a member of my church, I’d still be there. Like, living there. Just hoping to catch a glimpse of her Wingness.

Jason: In the church.

Jeff: Yeah. Hey, do you think she does more than one take of these songs? Because I hope she does.

Jason: Why?

Jeff: Because it would just complete the effect for me. You know, the artist, laboring over her craft. The producer, painstakingly stitching together different vocal takes. The mixer, downing a fifth of bourbon.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha! It’s too bad this wasn’t done in the ’80s. I’m imagining the producer with a razor blade.

Jeff: Oh, that would be great.

Jason: Trying to decide whether to cut the track or his wrist.

Jeff: Ha ha ha! I’m imagining the poor fucker who had to master this and laughing my ass off.

Jason: You know, maybe it’s that I’m used to Wing, but I definitely don’t consider this the worst thing of the Mellowmas season.

Jeff: Nor do I. In fact, I want to listen to this all day. Maybe if I listen to it enough times, I’ll be able to understand the lyrics.

Jason: Oh, I doubt it.

Jeff: Do fro alovin ass in fry

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: Ag bah in free a bah say mah

Jason: You sound like Michael McDonald on the bayou!

Jeff: I remember that Michael McDonald song. It’s great, but not as great as this.

Jason: How much would you love to hear a duet between Wing and the Singing Saw?

Jeff: How could you tell them apart? I think the Saw might have better diction.

Jason: By the way, at my Acoustic ’80s gig last week, we’re playing “Last Christmas” by Wham!, and I hear someone in the audience yell, “Where’s the singing saw?” It was Jon Cummings.

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha! You WERE supposed to learn how to play it.

Jason: And it made me happy. Not because he was heckling, but because it meant that he had really listened to the Singing Saw. I think that may be the worst of Mellowmas 2008.

Jeff: I may have to agree, although I still say the fucking Archies were pretty painful. And I’m having a hard time deciding whether Shelley Duvall or the Germans were scarier.

Jason: You’re being such a baby about the Archies.

Jeff: Horrible. Just horrible.

Jason: I vote for Singing Saw or Duvall for the worst of Mellowmas ‘08.

Jeff: The best, of course, was Mr. Alan O’Day.

Jason: Oh, of course. I mean, not that it’s saying much, considering everything else, but Alan O’Day is my hero. An artist with a fantastic creative mind and a sharp sense of humor.

Jeff: He’s won the everlasting devotion of our entire staff. Especially Terje “Curtis Armstrong” Fjelde.

Jason: Yes. Everyone knows Terje, of course. Terje has lovingly devoted himself, as you all know, to nothing but David Foster’s music.

Jeff: And he still talks to us!

Jason: But some of you may not know that Terje is so goddamn obsessed with David Foster that he actually can compose and record in the David Foster style.

Jeff: Terje’s first Foster pastiche, “Baseball in the Backyard,” is one of my favorite tracks of 2008, even though he recorded it in 1997.

Jason: I agree. Mine, too. So when Terje heard Alan’s masterpiece, “Have a Very Mellowmas (Theme From Mellowmas),” he was…inspired.

So it seems fitting to close this year’s Mellowmas season with Terje’s re-interpretation of Alan’s creation. Alan has heard this, by the way.

Jeff: More fitting than Wing?

Jason: You know what he said? “Terje, you’ve produced a masterpiece from a demo of emotional nothingness. I shudder to think what you would do if you were given a decent song to work with!”

Jeff: Ha ha ha!

Jason: This is why I love Alan O’Day.

Jeff: One of many reasons, yes. If any of you haven’t bought Alan’s latest album yet…well, I don’t know what to say to you. Other than BUY ALAN O’DAY’S LATEST ALBUM RIGHT NOW.

Jason: Well, this seems to be the end, huh?

Jeff: It’s been a long road to Mellowmas.

Jason: We’ve been through so much this year. I’m exhausted.

Jeff: Parting with this season is always such sweet sorrow.

Jason: Maybe for you! I think our readers will be happy to get back to regular Popdose coverage.

Jeff: Yes, and I’m sure they’ll enjoy meeting all our new columnists and reading all our new features. And seeing the site’s new design.

But still…

Mellowmas…

sniff

Jason: Yes, We thank you all for making it through The 25 Days of Mellowmas, for sure. Give me a hug, buddy. Happy Mellowmas, my friend.

Jeff: And a very Happy Mellowmas to you. Shall we cue up the love theme of the season?

Jason: Hey…did you just fart? Dude! Not cool to fart while we’re hugging!

Jeff: That was the hidden bonus track on the Wing album, I think.

Jason: Enjoy “Love Theme From Mellowmas” (download). Share it with the ones you love, if they’re still with you after listening to everything else from this season.

Jeff: We’ll meet you back here on January 1.

Jason: Happy Mellowmas to all!

Tags: Alan O'Day, Curtis Armstrong, Jason Hare, Jeff Giles, Jon Cummings, Terje Fjelde, WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING, Wing
Posted in Mellowmas, Music | Comments

Monday, December 22nd, 2008

The Twenty-Second Day of Mellowmas: Double Duvall!

by Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Jason: So Jeff, the other day we gave our readers a double dose of Sedaka.

Jeff: Yes, we did.

Jason: We also gave them a double dose of Archies.

Jeff: That was mean of us.

Jason: Could we get any meaner?

Jeff: We’re dicks! Double dicks!

Jason: Let’s go for the dick hat trick.

Jeff: Yes!

Jason: Let’s play them some stuff from Shelley Duvall’s Christmas record. That’s right, folks. Shelley Duvall released a Christmas record.

Jeff: Shelley Duvall’s Christmas record, you say? Why, what’s it called, Jason?

Jason: It’s called Merry Christmas, and the first track is called “A Very Merry Christmas.” But she’s full of shit.

Jeff: I think she might be full of something else. Something possibly illegal. Several somethings, actually.

Jason: Wait a minute. I believe the album is actually technically called — and I swear I’m not making this up — Hello, I’m Shelley Duvall…Merry Christmas.

Jeff: Yes, that’s the title I was looking for. And on the cover, she’s posing with a pack of cartoon animals. A cartoon owl in a Santa hat is on her shoulder.

Jason: And she’s wearing something weird on her head. Oh wait, that’s her perm.

Jeff: Shelley Duvall is batshit crazy.

Jason: How crazy, you ask, readers? Well, let’s listen to “A Very Merry Christmas,” shall we?

Shelley Duvall — A Very Merry Christmas (download)

From Hello, I’m Shelley Duvall…Merry Christmas Amazon

Jeff: Hello, Shelley! Merry — wha? Stop.

Jason: I want to.

Jeff: Hey, quit it.

Jason: But my computer is somehow frozen.

Jeff: Stop it, damn you!

Jason: It won’t let me stop the track!!!!

Jeff: Blackberry cherry absolutely very

Jason: It’s a blackberry, raspberry, something something…SHUT UP

Jeff: Well, at least she stopped rhyming with “erry.”

Jason: Is this really a grown woman?

Jeff: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Jason: She sounds, like, eight.Â There is only one way I would accept any of these tracks, and that’s if she sang them in The Shining.

Jeff: This is a very scary Christmas.

Jason: “I know this song is hard to sing.” Shelley, it’s hard to HEAR. Jesus Christ.

Jeff: Not a temporary Christmas! Did you hear that?

Jason: I can’t hear anything anymore, Jeff.

Jeff: She plans on things staying this way forever.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
This is BULLSHIT.

Jason: My body is shaking, this is so awful. Jeff, I don’t know. I’m having second thoughts about subjecting them to a second track.

Jeff: Why didn’t anyone SLAP her? Slap her in her FACE? That always works on TV when a woman is acting crazy.

Jason: I’m not condoning violence during the Christmas season, but someone needed to stop Shelley Duvall.

Jeff: I hear it worked for Margot Kidder.

Jason: What record label was this released on?

Jeff: Hmm.

Jason: Find out. And find out who runs that label. Even if they didn’t run it in 1991, they deserve to be beaten for the past sins of the label.

Jeff: Oh, wow.

Jason: What?

Jeff: I found a “review” of the album.

Jason: I found that too! That blog is great, by the way. So readers, if we’re not giving you enough crap to listen to, head over to Musical Fruitcake. Dammit. I wish I had thought of that title.

Jeff: Dude, Kid Rhino released this. I’m assuming Kid Rhino is the kids’ offshoot of Rhino Records.

Jason: Maybe it was actually a kid rhino.

Jeff: Knowing they’re responsible for this makes me angrier than I would have expected. Can you imagine the faces in the boardroom when she played this shit for the executives?

Jason: I imagine her actually bringing the stuffed animals. And dancing around the room.

Jeff: They must have been beyond high.

Jason: Hello. I’m Shelley Duvall.

Jeff: Merry Christmas.

Jason: And I’m FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jason: Do we subject them to another one?

Jeff: Fuck yes we do! We both listened to the whole album!

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: They can suck it up.

Jason: Now you’re talkin’! How about “Gotta Be a Christmas”? I mean, really, we could pick anything. But this one is, like, four minutes long. And that seems especially mean.

Jeff: Heh, heh, heh.

Jason: And thus perfect for Mellowmas. The other one was only two minutes.

Jeff: It felt like fifty.

Jason: Ready?

Jeff: Very very very

Jason: Suck my dingleberry

Jeff: I popped your mother’s cherry

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I’m crying over here!

Hang on. Seriously. I have to stop laughing. Oh my God. The tears.

Jeff: The Mellowmas tears.

Jason: Oh, my stomach hurts.

Whew
Okay.
Deep breaths.
Okay. I have to move on.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Snicker

Jeff: I don’t think the readers are in any rush.

Jason: I don’t think the readers are going to find this as funny as I’m finding it right now.Â Oh, I needed that. Okay, seriously now. On to “Gotta Be a Christmas.” This should take the smile off my face.

Jeff: Right away.

Shelley Duvall — Gotta Be a Christmas (download)

From Hello, I’m Shelley Duvall…Merry Christmas Amazon

Jeff: Oh, man.

Jason: AHHHHHHHHH! What the fuck?? Are those the South Park kids?

Jeff: It sounds like she’s fronting the most annoying kids’ choir in the world.

Jason: Ding dong! Shelley Duvall is at the door! And she’s hoping for your turkey scraps!

Jeff: Penguins? Santa lives in an igloo?

Jason: He lives in a giant…what?

Jeff: Shelley, those are Eskimos, you dumb bitch.

Jason: Who WROTE this shit?

Jeff: Synth drums!

Jason: How the hell is she pronouncing “Claus”?

Jeff: I…I want to choke her.

Jason: Jack Nicholson is sitting somewhere banging his head on the desk. “What happened, Shelley”?

Jeff: I hate Christmas all of a sudden. Like, I wish there was no such thing.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jason: He eats too much…bologna?

Jeff: Santa eats too much BALONEY?

Jason: Wha….? This is so terrible.

Jeff: I don’t understand.

Jason: Like, genuinely terrible.

Jeff: I don’t understand how this happened.

Jason: Wait, here comes the godforsaken chorus.

Jeff: I’d love to interview one of the people who lost their jobs because of this album.

Jason: What is with her squeaky motherfucking voice?

Jeff: That’s her falsetto, Jason. When will this end?

Jason: I have to know who the guitarist is.

Jeff: That’s Shelley, dressed up as an owl.

Jason: This is so very awful. Ding dong! Shelley’s at the door! She wants to know if you have any left over Oxycontin!

Jeff: Fade out! Please! Fade OUT already! Fade, fade, fade, damn you! Faster!

Jason: “There’s just GOTTA be a Christmas!” “I don’t know what I would do!”

Jeff: Shut your goddamn mouth, Shelley!

Jason: “There better be a Christmas!”

Jeff: sigh of relief

Jason: You’re right. That fade took way too long. But it’s over now.

Jeff: What the fuck.

Jason: I think even Alan O’Day has left by this point. Alan may very well be on a plane, getting ready to hunt one of us down and shoot us.

Jeff: I’m looking for Shelley’s official site.

Jason: No. Don’t do it.

Jeff: Surprise! She doesn’t have one. Nobody even cared enough to cybersquat at www.shelleyduvall.com.

Jason: Who’d want to admit to being Shelley’s cybersquatter? What is she doing now, anyway?

Jeff: “She is currently living in Blanco, TX.”

Jason: Is there a cult there?

Jeff: “Although recent reports have stated Duvall residing in Blanco, she has been sighted making multiple trips to the original filming site of The Shining. Rumors speculate after filming The Shining, Duvall never recovered from the traumatic experiences with director Stanley Kubrick.”

Oh my God, it all makes sense now.

Jason: !!!!! Holy crap.

Jeff: Yeah, this is scarier than Verschmiginnighscht. I will be sleeping with my lights on tonight.

Jason: Ooh! I double-dog dare you to put THIS on your daughter’s iPod!

Jeff: Just waiting to hear a high-pitched old lady’s voice say “ding dong!”

Jason: Seriously, though, will you play it for her, and let me know what she thinks?

Jeff: Oh, but I already have.

Jason: You have?

Jeff: Sophie loves music so much. She has her favorites, but she just loves music.

Jason: I know.

Jeff: After hearing “A Very Merry Christmas,” do you know what she said?

Jason: What?

Jeff: My three-year-old daughter looked up at me and said, “It’s over now. Isn’t that good?”

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Sophie Giles FTW! Did you play it for your wife? I haven’t played it for mine.

Jeff: At full volume!

Jason: You did?!?!? Oh my God!

Jeff: She’s grown numb to this kind of thing.

Jason: Poor Leah!

Jeff: I think I played it while she was making dinner, actually, which makes it even worse.

Jason: I’m surprised your dinner didn’t have an extra-special ingredient in it that night.

Jeff: There’s nothing like Mellowmas to remind you of what a horrible human being you are, is there? Thanks a lot, Shelley Duvall!

Jason: I need to go take some medicine. That was awful. Sorry, readers.

Jeff: Pepto won’t help.

Jason: How about cyanide?

Jeff: It also won’t stop the nightmares of Shelley Duvall rocking herself to sleep on the porch of an abandoned hotel in the Rocky Mountains.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Hello!
I’m Shelley Duvall.
And I’m here to eat your first born!

Jeff: Can’t…type…laughing…so…hard…

Jason:
Hello!
I’m Shelley Duvall.
Vergissmeinnicht.

Jeff: Upper…body…hurts…

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Tags: Alan O'Day, Jason Hare, Jeff Giles, Mellowmas, Shelley Duvall, The Shining
Posted in Mellowmas, Music | Comments

Sunday, December 21st, 2008

The Twenty-First Day of Mellowmas: Sedakamas

by Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

What would Christmas be without Neil Sedaka?Â Other than a whole lot better?Â Today, we do something especially cruel: we give you not one, but two songs from one of the sappiest artists alive.Â Enjoy!

Neil Sedaka — Love is Spreading Over the World (download)

From The Miracle of Botox Christmas Amazon iTunes

Jason: I just want to tell you how excited I was when I found this record.

Jeff: I can see why.

Jason: Like, I knew it was awful before I even heard a note. It’s so…calculated.

Jeff: I’m transfixed by the cover photo.

Jason: Listen to this shit. Listen to that synthesizer!

Jeff: I know, it’s supposed to be a Hammond.

Jason: I would bet ANYTHING that’s Daryl Dragon.

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jason: It sounds like Captain & Tennille! Key change! And more C&T keyboards!

Jeff: What do you think Neil looks like when he’s singing? I imagine him with a grin permanently frozen on his face. Snapping his fingers.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha! In a sweater.

Jeff: Oblivious to the fact that his producer has left the building.

Jason: You think this gospel choir in the background went out and committed mass suicide after this?

Jeff: He’s really having fun here. You can tell. He doesn’t even know how much he sucks.

Jason: It’s like he’s trying to channel “Put a Little Love in Your Heart.”

Jeff: God is alive and he’s making a comeback! Oh no!

Jason: God is NOT alive, Neil.

Jeff: Watch out, sinners!

Jason: Wait for it, here it comes…PRAISE GOD!

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jason: God’s like, “No! No! Stop! Don’t praise me!”

Jeff: Funky breakdown!

Jason: Do you feel it?! Clap! Clap! Clap!

Jeff: Neil Sedaka is a Baptist!

Jason: I’m bopping in my chair! Amen!

Jeff: That isn’t bopping — that’s your internal organs trying to escape.

Jason: He just said “praise God” again! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: I feel like we’d be remiss if we didn’t tell our readers that this is a DOUBLE-DISC SET. TWO DISCS OF SEDAKA.

Jason: The first is traditional Christmas music. We didn’t even download that one. The second, with original Christmas music, seemed much more enticing.

Jeff: I almost wish I had a physical copy of this, so I could give it to the oldest person I know.

Jason: …Ron Dante?

Jeff: Ha! I bet Ron and Neil are gummin’ buddies!

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: They crack a six-pack of Ensure and talk about the good old days!

Jason: So I’ve actually listened to all of this disc. I think he mentions God specifically in every track, but this one seemed to be the most blatant. God. Is. Alive. And. He’s. Making. A. Comeback.

Jeff: More blatant than “Where Is God?”

Jason: Ooh, good point.

Jeff: Yes, friends, there is a track titled “Where Is God?”

Jason: “Where is God” is actually a depressing track, if I remember correctly. It’s not like “Where is Thumbkin.”

Jeff: Ha!

Jason:
Here I am!
Here I am!
How are you today, sir?
Choking on Sedaka!
Run away!
Run away!

Jeff: Jason, this whole record is depressing.

Jason: I know.

Jeff: I’m sure there’s an infomercial for it somewhere.

Jason: runs to YouTube

Jeff: It probably plays in a loop in the restrooms of Ron Dante cruise ships.

Jason: Shit! I can’t find one! I did find “Laughter in the Rain,” which is an awesome song, but I digress.

Jeff: Well, we found it at eMusic, and something tells me Neil’s target demographic doesn’t frequent that particular vendor. I’m sure he’d sell more copies on QVC.

Jason: I think the first disc was released last year, and now they’re re-releasing as a 2-disc set. Or something.

Jeff: Deluxe reissue!

Jason: Wasn’t there another track you wanted to foist upon our poor readers?

Jeff: I think there was.

Jason: Something that reminisced about the Andrews Sisters or something?

Jeff: Oh yes.

Jason: “Razzle Dazzle Christmas,” I think it was.

Jeff: “Razzle Dazzle Christmas.”

Jason: What the fuck. Let’s just do it. These people hate us by now, anyway. We only have one reader left. Alan O’Day.

Jeff: Hi, Alan!

Jason: And Alan probably knows Neil. Who knows, we may have just pissed off Alan O’Day. But it’s okay. A copy of “Vergissmeinnicht” and some chloroform will calm him down.

Jeff: This is a short track. They can count themselves lucky for that much, at least.

Neil Sedaka — Razzle Dazzle Christmas (download)

From The Miracle of Botox Christmas Amazon iTunes

Jeff: Hee hee hee!

Jason: Sedaka channels Bob Fosse!

Jeff: Where is God, indeed!

Jason: Sedaka’s totally doing jazz hands! Careful, Neil! You’ll break your hip!

Jeff: Silly sound effects!

Jason: I think he’s going to name-check some people soon.

Jeff: I think he’s going to die soon.

Jason: We can drink some brandy! Great idea, Neil!

Jeff: Sugar on a spoon!

Jason: Give me a taste of the old days, it was sugar on a spoon? What the hell does that mean?

Jeff: That’s Thursday afternoon at Boca del Boca!

Jason: Crosby and the Andrews Sisters!

Jeff: Brenda Lee could rock it! Haaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha!

Jason: Brenda Lee! He slept with Brenda Lee! Brenda Lee is havin’ his baby!

Jeff: What’s with that fucking whistle?

Jason: Big finish! BIIIG FINISH! Kick line!

Jeff: Do you think this is what karaoke night at Neil’s sounds like? Oh! My colostomy bag!

Jason: Ha ha ha ha! Oh, thank God that’s over. Whew

Jeff: That was…something.

Jason: It was. I don’t even know what to say.

Jeff: I think you do.

Jason: Except Neil Sedaka + jazz hands = my lunch, coming right back up.

Jeff: urp

Tags: Alan O'Day, Jason Hare, Jeff Giles, Mellowmas, Neil Sedaka
Posted in Mellowmas, Music | Comments

Wednesday, December 17th, 2008

The Seventeeth Day of Mellowmas: Mellowmas Goes South

by Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Well, folks, every year, we come across a song or two that we imagine will be truly, truly terrible — and we’re surprised to find out that they’re actually not half-bad. Take a trip with us down south and see if you agree!

Lynyrd Skynyrd — Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin’ (download)

From Christmas Time Again Amazon iTunes

Jason: Ungh! OOOOH! ROCK!

Jeff: This is unusual for a Mellowmas track.

Jason: You mean that it actually has some balls behind it?

Jeff: It sounds…hairy. Smells like Natural Light.

Jason: Or Milwaukee’s Best.

Jeff: Santa Claus wants some lovin’! It’s time for Santa to make his midnight greet!

Jason: Say it again! Santa Claus wants some lovin’!

Jeff: Oh, wait, that’s “creep.” As in, “this song is creeping me the fuck out.”

“Now I been trying to fix this old bicycle
Can’t seem to find my pliers
Halfway watchin’ Mama for that sleep in her eyes cause
Santa Claus wants some lovin’.”

Does that mean what I think it means?

Jason: I’m afraid so.

Jeff: Is he waiting for her to fall asleep?

Jason: I think so. I don’t know what it has to do with the old bicycle though.

Jeff: Or the pliers. shudder

“I don’t want no turkey
Don’t care about no cake
I want you to come here Mama ‘fore the children wake cause
Santa Claus wants some lovin’.”

I want to vomit.

Jason: See, this is a case where I think the music is just fine, but the lyrics are terrible.

Jeff: Shit, for all I know, this music is from another Skynyrd song.

Jason: I mean, the music isn’t great by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s not horrible.

Jeff: “Come make your Papa happy.” Spoken like a true man of the south!

Jason: Oh, no. That’s awful.

Jeff: “Daddy, get off me, you’re crushin’ my cigarettes!”

Jason: Hey, do you think Santa Claus wants some lovin’? Because they haven’t mentioned it about 300 times.

Jeff: Ssshh. I’m enjoying the solos. I’m finally having some fun this Mellowmas.

Jason: This isn’t going to go on until tomorrow like “Freebird,” is it?

Jeff: And they fucking faded it out! Assholes! Come back here and make your papa happy, dammit!

Jason: They probably faded out because the guitarist was drugged up and didn’t open his eyes for another 10 minutes. They didn’t want to disturb his groove.

Jeff: Or maybe another one of the Skynyrds was on the run from the law.

Jason: Actually, for all we know, that guitarist may still be playing. Maybe they faded it out, mixed it, pressed it and released it, all while he was noodling.

Jeff: Well, I feel unfulfilled. We were just starting to rock a little, and those dicks ruined it. I’ve sat through Al Jarreau, Barry Manilow, and worse.

Jason: Jarreau, Manilow and…Skynyrd. I smell a tour!

Jeff: I smell what happens when you mix together too many brands of toilet cleaner!

Jason: Ha ha ha!

Jeff: Stand back!

Jason: So now what?

Jeff: Well, we’re down South.

Jason: Uh oh. You have something else up your sleeve, I know it.

Jeff: And I’m in the mood for some more guitar.

Jason: Can’t I just send you a Tommy Emmanuel track?

Jeff: I have something caught in my beard.

Jason: Is it yesterday’s yogurt?

Jeff: Oh, would you look at that? It’s 38 Special!

Jason: slams head on desk

Jeff: Santa Claus needs a second chance, Jason. He knows he was wro-ooooooong, and he wants you back where you belong.

Jason: Great. Now “Second Chance” is in my head.

Jeff: Are you ready to have a wild-eyed Christmas night?

Jason: Does it even matter anymore?

Jeff: Absolutely not.

So listen, before we listen to this song, I want everyone to just sit and stare at the cover artwork for a minute.

null

Jeff: Do you see that?

I repeat. DO YOU FUCKING SEE THAT?

Jason: I’m trying not to look at it! It makes my stomach feel all funny!

Jeff: What says “Christmas” like eyeballs hanging from a tree?

Jason: Yeah, that cover is almost as creepy as the Lee Greenwood cover.

Jeff: As if it wasn’t weird enough that 38 Special was making a Christmas album in the first place.

Jason: Well, let’s listen to the track. And see if it’s as creepy as the cover.

Jeff: I can only hope.

38 Special — A Wild-Eyed Christmas Night (download)

From Wild-Eyed Christmas Night Amazon iTunes

Jeff: Real drums! It’s a Mellowmas miracle!

Jason: Yeah! “All right, let’s do it!”

Jeff: When you hear that, you know no one’s going to do it.

Jason: Huh. Jeff, this…this isn’t that bad.

Jeff: You know, I think I may have to agree with you. I mean, okay, it’s hokey as hell.

Jason: Yeah, but most Christmas songs are.

Jeff: And there’s nothing Christmasy about it. And they namecheck themselves in the chorus. Which is terrible.

Jason: WHOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wild-eyed Christmas night!

Jeff: But all things considered, this could be much, much worse.

Jason: Well, the lyrics are Christmasy, you gotta give them that. They’re talking about mistletoe and other shit.

Jeff: It…actually sort of rocks.

Jason: I know!

Jeff: Solo! See? This is what I wanted.

Jason: This feels…not right, somehow. Not right for Mellowmas. This is kind of like when we covered Paul Carrack last year. We expected awful, and we got…not-awful.

Jeff: This guitar solo is giving me the strength I need to carry on. It’s also making me want to listen to my Gary Hoey Christmas CDs.

Jason: I love the Gary Hoey Christmas CDs! I mean, it’s probably not an awesome song, but in the context of Mellowmas? It’s pretty fucking great.

Jeff: Yeah, it deserves a Mellowmas Grammy of some kind.

Jason: Well, what the hell? Let’s give it to them.

Jeff: And the award for Song Better Than Its Album Artwork goes to 38 Special’s “A Wild-Eyed Christmas Night”!

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! And the award for Band Least Likely To Put Out A Christmas Song That’s Not Adult Contemporary goes to 38 Special’s “Wild-Eyed Christmas Night”! And the award for Band Least Likely to be Able to Afford Real Horns and Drums goes to 38 Special’s “Wild Eyed Christmas Night”!

Jeff: YES! I was hoping they’d win that one!

Jason: How did this happen, Jeff? How did 38 Special wind up being Mellowmas heroes?

Jeff: It’s the magic of the season, my friend.

Jason: This is the question that could be asked in Alan O’Day’s Mellowmas song next year.

Jeff: Good idea — let’s ask Alan if he can write that down.

Jason: How awful to have your Mellowmas season rescued by 38 Special.

Jeff: It seems appropriate, somehow.

Jason: I feel wrong thinking, “Oh, thank God, 38 Special! I never dreamed you’d come!”

Jeff: Well, never let it be said that we don’t give Mellowmas credit where it’s due.

Jason: And there you have it, folks. Mellowmas Redeemed: The Story of 38 Special.

Jeff: If there’s one Mellowmas record you need to buy this year, it’s…38 Special’s Wild-Eyed Christmas Night.

Note: There are no Mellowmas records you need to buy this year.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Tags: 38 Special, Alan O'Day, Gary Hoey, Jason Hare, Jeff Giles, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Mellowmas
Posted in Mellowmas, Music | Comments

Sunday, December 14th, 2008

The Fourteenth Day of Mellowmas: Sweet Little Andymas

by Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Congratulations!Â You’ve made it through two full weeks of Mellowmas, uh, cheer!Â Can you handle 11 more days?Â You’ll have to get through today first, as we once again piss on a national institution…

Jason: Jeff, I feel kind of weird about this. Andy Williams? I mean, he sings “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” That’s, like, a classic. When I think of certain kinds of sweaters, I think of Andy Williams. He’s a true classic.

Jeff: Fats Domino did a lot of classics, too.

Jason: Shit. You just schooled me. Let’s listen, sweet little Jesus boy.

Andy Williams — Sweet Little Jesus Boy (download)

From The Andy Williams Christmas Album Amazon iTunes

Jason: Oh. OH.

Jeff: Get out!

Jason: Okay. I guess I see what you’re saying.

Jeff: Get out of my ear!

Jason: Ha!

Jeff: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jason: They made you be born in a manger!

Jeff: God, this song feels like a wet willie!

Jason: We didn’t know whooooooo yooooooooou werrrrrrrre!

Jeff: It’s taking everything I have not to claw the earphones out of my ears.

Jason: I bet we piss off some readers with this post. I bet there are some readers who love this song. I am not one of them.

Jeff: I am drowning in syrup.

Jason: This song is being sung directly to Jesus as a baby, I guess. Which makes me wish there were noises of baby Jesus farting or something. Speaking of, and I know I’m going off-topic here, but how come the only Mellowmas song to feature a fart sound has been Alan O’Day’s? That seems weird to me.

Jeff: I suppose it depends on your definition of “fart.”

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: Also, I keep looking at the album cover, which is the scariest thing I’ve seen in awhile.

Jason: The album cover is sort of sinister, isn’t it? It’s like the look Michael Jackson gives the camera at the end of the longform “Thriller” video.

Jeff: Yes, it is sinister. That’s exactly what it is. And now he’s talking about how Jesus died, and begging his forgiveness. Is Andy Williams that old? Was he there when Jesus died?

Jason: When did Andy Williams die, anyway? Let me look it up.

HOLY SHIT! He’s still ALIVE!!!

Jeff: He’s still alive! He’s kicking it with Jim Nabors, yo!

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha! Did we bet against Jim Nabors being alive last year? We did, didn’t we?

Jeff: We did. You were supposed to play the Nabors track at full volume in your office. Of course, this year, you don’t work in an office anymore. Coincidence? I think not.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Maybe if I play “Sweet Little Jesus Boy” really loud, I’ll close my eyes and wind up back in an office.

Jeff: A therapist’s office!

Jason: I have no doubt this song has sinister powers. Like Andy’s FACE.

Jeff: Now look, Andy Williams fans, I know he’s done some holiday greats. But can any of you argue with a straight face that this is one of them?

Jason: He has done some holiday greats. Like I said, “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” is an amazing song. Johnny Mathis’ version can’t hold a candle to it, and yes, I know that Johnny Mathis did a popular cover of it, shut up.

Jeff: I just can’t get over the fact that some graphic designer somewhere thought it would be festive to drench everything in red and then put a picture of Andy Williams leering on the cover.

Jason: Leering. Yes. Like Keith Sweat.

Jeff: Ha! It’s awful. It reminds me of a scene from some ’60s movie where someone’s having a bad drug trip.

Jason: Muah hah hah hah hah hah! I’ve come to eat your children! Hey, you know what’s delicious?

Jeff: McNuggets?

Jason: SWEET LITTLE JESUS BOY!!! YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM

Jeff: Oh, right. Him. I’m picturing Andy Williams staggering, zombie-style, into the manger in his tux. Leering at baby Jesus with a little bit of drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. His hair, naturally, is perfect. And he’s singing this song.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: It actually makes me want to listen to “Sweet Little Jesus Boy” again, in a weird way.

Jason: Reign of terror! Reign of terror!

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha! I’d like to hear Andy Williams cover that!

Jason: Sorry, that song is still ringing in my ears from yesterday.

Jeff: You know what? I’d like to hear Andy Williams cover everything. Everything we’ve heard this year.

Jason: Let’s make a list of songs we want Andy Williams to cover.

“Ride Like the Wind.”

Jeff: Haaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha!

Jason: “No Diggity.” “Cum On Feel The Noize.”

Jeff: Imagine if we had that kind of power? The kind of power to compel our “favorite” artists to cover songs of our choosing? Gosh, that would be great.

Jason: Well, we DID get Alan O’Day to write and record a Mellowmas song. So maybe we do have the power.

Jeff: Hmm. Maybe we do.

Jason: You should see me right now. I have a sinister look in my eye.

Jeff: Are the walls in your apartment red?

Jason: Everything is red, Jeff. Except for my tuxedo.

Jeff: Hey, great idea — you should paint the place red before your wife comes home.

Jason: And then just sit in a chair, leering at her?

Jeff: With this song playing.

Jason: Crooning “Sweet Little Jesus Boy”? Sweeeeeeet little Jeeeeeeeesus boyyyyyyyy…

Jeff: I have to say, much as I hate this song, I have to give Andy props for being able to squeeze 30 seconds out of every damn note.

Jason: That’s a good point.

Jeff: It would be under two minutes if he hadn’t done that.

Jason: Maybe each note took so long because he was drooling blood or something. It fits with the album cover. I’m just saying.

I looked up some fun facts on Andy Williams on Wikipedia, Jeff. Check this out:

A persistent rumor states that Andy Williams, while a teenager, provided the dubbed singing voice of Lauren Bacall for her song “How Little We Know” in the movie To Have and Have Not. Bacall herself addressed it in her autobiography, stating that Williams did dub a couple of high notes for her, not the whole song.

That’s just awesome.

Jeff: Oh, wow. High notes? This guy?

Jason: As a teenager! Wait, here’s another one.

He was the sponsor of the letter ‘W’ for the 1978 restoration of the famous Hollywood Sign in Hollywood.

Jeff: chokes

Fucker, I have water all over my shirt now…

Jason: I’m not making these up! That’s the truth! Without Andy, it’s just be Hollyood! Wait, one more for you.

It is widely believed that Andy is half werewolf.

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jason: Okay, maybe I made that one up. But it’s not so far fetched, is it? LOOK AT THAT COVER, PEOPLE!

Jeff: Andy was present at both the birth and execution of Jesus Christ.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: Andy has settled into comfortable retirement on the macadamia farm of his longtime lover, Jim Nabors.

Jason: Oh man, now you’ve got me clamoring for The Andy Williams and Jim Nabors Holiday Special: A Very Metamucil Christmas.

Jeff: I think their voices would go really well together.

Jason: Each song would be approximately ten minutes. But oh! The sweaters!

Jeff: Throw in Barry White, and you’d have yourself a regular Tuvan monk choir.

Jason: Look at the picture from his Wikipedia page.

Jeff: Ooh. Andy.

Jason: Is that smoke at the bottom? Like, demon smoke? Or is it dust?

Jeff: I think it’s a baby fart.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! His last album was called I Don’t Remember Ever Growing Up.

Jeff: (Or Anything Else)

Jason: Isn’t that perfect? Because I bet he doesn’t.

Jeff: It is.

Jason: Because it was so long ago, when he was with Sweet Little Jesus Boy.

Jeff: It’s also perfect that he’s performing in Branson now. Branson, MO: Where Hokey Acts Go to Die.

Jason: Are you kidding? He built the theater FOR those acts!

Jeff: So he could collect their skeletons!

Jason: Williams has recorded eight Christmas albums over the years and has been penned as “Mr. Christmas.” EIGHT! EIGHT CHRISTMAS ALBUMS!

Jeff: Wow.

Jason: Mellowmas 2009, here we come!

Jeff: A Month of Andy!

Jason: The Twenty-Five Days of Andymas!

With gratitude, as always, to Terje Fjelde — graphic designer extraordinaire — for making all of our Popdose dreams come true.

Tags: Alan O'Day, Andy Williams, Jason Hare, Jeff Giles, Jim Nabors, Mellowmas
Posted in Mellowmas, Music | Comments

Monday, December 1st, 2008

The First Day of Mellowmas: The Theme From Mellowmas

by Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Welcome, one and all!Â The day you’ve been dreading waiting for all year has finally arrived!Â It’s time to begin The 25 Days of Mellowmas!

If you’re new to this time-honored tradition, or if you’ve just psychologically blocked it out of your head from last year (smart move), here’s how it works: every day, from now until Christmas, swing on by to listen to some of the lamest Christmas music ever released.Â The two of us will gift you with a track per day (sometimes two, you lucky people!), along with brilliant commentary about the crap we’re presenting.Â We invite you to listen along with us, and join us for further “analysis” in the comments section!Â You can read past Mellowmas entries over at Jason’s site.

So this year, we thought: what can we do to make Mellowmas even better (worse) and brighter (darker) than the past two years?

How about a Mellowmas Theme?

And how about we ask one of our favorite Mellow Gold artists to get involved?

And how about if said Mellow Gold artist actually takes our stupid idea seriously and writes and records the most awesome Mellowmas song in the entire world?

Jeff had the fantastic idea of contacting none other than the brilliant Alan O’Day.Â Remember Alan?Â Alan is the man behind the #1 hit “Undercover Angel.”Â He’s also the man behind “Angie Baby,” a hit for Helen Reddy, and “Rock and Roll Heaven,” made famous by the Righteous Brothers.Â He also wrote the Muppet Babies theme, which is now in your head (but not for long, as you’ll soon see).Â But perhaps the most important thing to happen in his career — and we’re sure he would agree — was when he became the subject of Adventures Through the Mines of Mellow Gold 17, where Jason wrote the following phrase:

Oh my God, this is the most horrible thing I’ve heard since Mellowmas.

Mr. O’Day stumbled upon the Mellow Gold post and actually found it amusing, which is not surprising when you check out his website and hear some of the songs he’s recorded.Â In fact, he’s got a brand new album out, entitled I Hear Voices, which has it all — bluesy rock (”Rock and Roll Shoes”), inspirational pop ballads (”Guide Me”), and songs that are indicative of his finely-tuned (read: sick) sense of humor, like “Your Song Sucks.”Â You can buy the CD here, or purchase it digitally here, and find out for yourself exactly what kind of great music what we’re talking about.Â One thing is certain: the man doesn’t take himself too seriously.

Jason, with a certain amount of trepidation, contacted Alan via e-mail with the idea.Â Alan, shocking the hell out of us all, responded nearly instantly with great interest.Â A few phone calls and e-mails later, and Alan was off.Â Lyrics, demo and finished track, all within a few days.Â What a guy!Â And this, everyone, is the story of why we didn’t call Benny Mardones.

Enough with all this talk.Â You want to hear the Mellowmas Theme, don’t you?Â It’s time.Â Enjoy it, download it, share it with your friends.Â But one thing is certain: it’s going to be in your head today.Â And perhaps tomorrow.Â You’ll be singing this chorus all season long.Â Yes, by Christmas, you’ll be dreaming of the three of us driving off a cliff together, but you can’t deny that it’s one of the catchiest holiday tunes in recent years — and that it’s perfect for this terrible holiday we’ve invented.Â Without further ado, the world premiere of:

Alan O’Day — Have a Very Mellowmas (Theme From Mellowmas) (download)

You love it, right?Â You should.Â Because it’s frickin’ awesome.

But that’s not all.

We weren’t content with just featuring this song for download.Â As usual, we just have to push things one step further.Â And so, thanks to Popdose writers Terje Fjelde and Ted Asregadoo, we present:

Happy Mellowmas, everybody!Â See you tomorrow!

Tags: Alan O'Day, Jason Hare, Jeff Giles, Mellowmas
Posted in Mellowmas, Music | Comments

Friday, November 14th, 2008