There are a few cold, hard truths in this world: you can’t run for president on the GOP ticket if you’re a thrice-married cross-dresser, the Cubs aren’t going to win this year either, and long-distance relationships are really, really hard to pull off, no matter how ambitiously starry-eyed you are when you leave college. Mojo Flucke learned the last one the hard way, but at least he got a trip to Margaritaville out of it, which is something not all of us can say.

“Wasted Away Again In Puerto Rico”
By Mojo Flucke, Ph.D.

I begin by tossing out this long-distance dedication — “Breathe” by All (download) — to this one girl.

See, I was engaged twice. Few people know of the first; most know of Kate, the second, to whom I remain happily married. I very rarely speak of this other one, because the retelling sends jolts down my spine. Bad- vibes jolts. Like when you’re using jumper cables to start a car and you get a sudden poke and realize, yeah, your arm actually conducts serious amperage just like the warnings right there on the battery say. Still does, 15 years on. Dunno why, because clearly I’m much better off today without her, and with my soulmate Kate.

This one girl? She was my last college girlfriend, beautiful and smart, with an easy laugh and, best of all, half-decent taste in music, save for chronic Plimsouls benders revisited upon her every few months. We closed down shop at the U in Athens, Ohio, got our degrees, and started our careers together. Me in chilly New Hampshire, she in sunny-wonderful Wilmington, N.C. Didn’t matter where we ended up or how good or bad the career changes togetherness would require, she’d accepted the ring and said “yes.” Good times were invariably ahead. (more…)