I should start subscribing to the newspaper again on Sundays. Not for the news, of course. Please. No, the only part of the paper I’m interested in is Parade magazine, particularly Walter Scott’s Personality Parade, the regular page-two feature where Scott answers readers’ questions about various celebrities’ careers, love lives, and deeply offensive character flaws.
Judging by his responses, I’m guessing that Scott is somewhere around the age of 117. He’s a curmudgeon who thinks Hollywood doesn’t make them like they used to, whether the “them” in question is movies, movie stars, or the tawdry things those stars do in public to keep Scott’s readers interested and thereby keep his mailbox full. Flash your unmentionables at the paparazzi all you want, Paris and Britney, but Walter Scott remembers a time when unmentionables with true talent were the talk of the town, and they were being violated by real celebrities like Fatty Arbuckle.
