Jason: So today’s track is from a David Foster Christmas album.

Jeff: Isn’t that perfect?

Jason: Anybody want to take a guess who suggested it?

Jeff: Ken! Ken Shane!

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! No, you fucknut! Terje! Terje Fjelde! The man behind Into the Ear of Madness, the weekly Foster-obessive series on Popdose!

Jeff: Oh riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! That dude!

Jason: I have no idea what to do with the “j’ in his last name, do you?

Jeff: You mean how to pronounce it?

Jason: I guess it’s a “y” sound?

Jeff: When I say it out loud, I pronounce it “Curtis Armstrong.”

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Okay, so Terje sends us an e-mail, and he says: “It’s an All-Star rendition of ‘White Christmas’ from David Foster’s 1993 Christmas album, with what no doubt is the most soulful delivery of the line ’sleighbells in the snow’ in the history of recorded music.

“With: Natalie Cole, Roberta Flack, Peabo Bryson, BeBe and CeCe Winans, Celine Dion (in French), Tom Jones, Vanessa Williams, Michael Crawford, Tammy Wynette, Johnny Mathis and Wynonna.”

Jeff: Nice!

Jason: And I looked on my hard drive, and it was already there. But what I can’t figure out is: how did I miss it before?

Jeff: Willpower? Luck? All of the above? What an incredible lineup.

Jason: Define “incredible.”

Jeff: “With tons of miserable potential.”

Jason: That’s what I thought you meant. Let’s go!

David Foster — White Christmas (download)

From The Christmas Album Amazon

Jason: Oh, those keyboards. That’s David Foster, all right.

Jeff: I’m in middle school all over again.

Jason: So I guess this is Natalie Cole. Sounds like Natalie Cole.

Jeff: Have I ever told you how much I fucking loathe Natalie Cole?

Jason: You have. I believe we attempted to do a Mellowmas track of hers last year, but it didn’t make the cut.

Jeff: Oh boy. Is that Peabo?

Jason: It ain’t Roberta Flack! I’m not going to recognize another voice until Tom Jones, I know it.

Jeff: Do you feel seasick?

Jason: I feel like David Foster is sucking the soul out of all the artists, and us as well.

Jeff: Oh, there’s Celine. Singing in FRENCH, the bitch.

Jason: I wish she sang in German.

Jeff: Go back to your own country!

Jason: Hey, don’t be a dick! Terje is foreign!

Jeff: This song is synthtastic!

Jason: Hey, there’s Tom Jones! How did he get involved? Wait, I bet the answer is in an “Into the Ear of Madness” post somewhere.

Jeff: There are SO MANY SYNTHS.

Jason: Which “sleighbells in the snow” line was the most soulful one? I think I was busy shoving cotton into my ears the first time around.

Jeff: I don’t know, I can’t think straight.

Jason: It’s like a “Voices That Care” Christmas carol.

Jeff: There’s too much going on here, and all of it sucks.

Jason: I hate it.

Jeff: BOLTON!

Jason: That was Bolton?

Jeff: Was it?

Jason: Shit! Two Bolton appearances this year?

Jeff: Wasn’t it? I don’t know.

Jason: I don’t know either. I don’t know anything anymore. Oh man, now they’re all riffing and shit. Rein ‘em in, Foster! These bitches work for YOU!

Jeff: I do know that David Foster thinks that 64 synth tracks plus some overdubbing equals holiday spirit.

Jason: Hey, fuck you, buddy! Do you have hits like David Foster? I didn’t THINK so!

Jeff: Diane Warren? Is that you?

Jason: It’s called “pop music” because it’s “popular”! Isn’t that what he’s been talking about this month while promoting his new book?

Jeff: I also know that if I’m ever hosting a holiday party and I want everyone to go home, I’m playing this.

I wonder if this song turns into “After the Love Is Gone” when you play it backwards.

Jason: Hey! Where the hell is Cetera? How did he get out of this? Doesn’t Foster own his soul?

Jeff: I think he was probably busy writing a check for half his assets to his ex-wife at the time.

Jason: Do you think Jason Scheff was knocking on the studio door?

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jason: “Peter, uh, can’t make it. Can I come in?” This is great. Now I’m picturing Jason Scheff suffocating Peter Cetera. This is actually the nicest thing I’ve thought about all Mellowmas.

Jeff: That’s a nice metaphor for Jason Scheff’s career, actually. “Peter isn’t here. Mind if I, uh, sing?”

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha h!

Jeff: “You may know me from such hits as ‘Sounds Like That Other Chicago Song’ and ‘Same Damn Ballad All Over Again’.”

Jason: Well, that song’s over.

Jeff: wipes hands, hard drive

Jason: That was pretty terrible. Syrupy, schmaltzy, exactly what I expected, yet I’m still upset by it. Thanks a lot, Ken.

Jeff: There’s a Mellowmas continuum, you know? At one end is “Oh my God, that was actually pleasant.” In the middle is Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. At the other end is “That hurt to listen to.”

Jason: Where does this fall for you? I’m somewhere between the middle and end.

Jeff: I think this track was closer to the “hurts to listen to” end.

Jason: Before or after Singing Saw?

Jeff: Ugh.

Jason: I’m just asking.

Jeff: I don’t want to think about it.

Jason: Fair enough.

Jeff: Which I guess means that I like this song better than the Singing Saw.

Jason: Well, thanks, Terje, you’ve infected us all with Foster yet again.

Jeff: The Ear of Madness claims two more victims.

Dw. Dunphy: Simply inescapable. It’s a big old, synth-laden AOR kind of rocker that does what it has to do. I can’t say that I either like or hate the song — it just is. It’s just a shame that for all the music Palmer made in his life, he’ll be remembered primarily for this and “Addicted To Love.”

Will Harris: I can’t believe we live in a world where Heavy Nova is currently unavailable on iTunes, but such is the case. This song suffered a major blow to its credibility upon its initial release because of its association with a Pepsi commercial, but it’s aged really well, I think. I have a suspicion that some of the women in the video still consider this video to be the highlight of their career, however, and that makes me a little sad.

Zack Dennis: I think it’s pretty amusing that only the models in the back row are allowed to dance. The frantic efforts of the girls in black dresses just simply draw attention to the sense that everything in both the video and the song itself really feel like they’ve been phoned in. With the recycled chords and styles, this song basically feels like “Addicted to Love,” except it comes with a new hat!

David Lifton: Ah, the old industry standby, the follow-up single that sounds like the first hit, but piles it on a little bit more. It’s usually a big commercial success, but as Wayne’s World 2 and the New Testament prove, the sequel is rarely as good as the original.

David Medsker: Quoth the poet laureates the Pussycat Dolls, be careful what you wish for ‘coz you just might get it. Palmer was making the last album in his deal with Island, and needed a hit. Boom, “Addicted to Love,” which he parlayed into a fat contract with EMI. What did EMI want from Palmer? Another “Addicted to Love.” And there you are. Wasn’t terribly fond of it at the time, but as Will said, the song’s held up rather well. (more…)

Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

The Olympics are coming up, folks, and what better time to take a look at Mr. Foster’s efforts in the games over the years?

David Foster boasts a proud Olympic history — he composed the classic pop instrumental “Winter Games” and conducted the orchestra during the ceremonies at the Winter Olympics in Calgary in 1988; he conducted alongside John Williams at the 1996 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles and provided a song for Celine Dion at that; he wrote Leann Rimes a tune for the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City and, finally, he stroke up the band with Andrea Bocelli’s “Because We Believe” at the closing ceremonies of the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin.

Now the moment we’ve waited for is coming true
And our hopes and our dream will soon shining through
And the feeling we know is here to stay
And whatever may come, we’ll see it through remembering today.

If only, my friends, if only. (more…)

My mom, God rest her soul, hit the nail on the head. She always used to ask me, “Why must you do everything ass-backwards?” She had a point. Shoes went on before pants, finalizing efforts always preceded initializing efforts, and have you ever seen me get out of the backseat of a car? It’s like some horrid recreation of a breach birth.

So in this modern age, you can put a shiny, silver disc into the face of your car’s dashboard and hear wonderful sound. You can put a machine the size of a candy bar into your pants pocket and a headset the size of dental floss with tiny tumors into your ears and hear wonderful sound. Me? I like records.

(more…)