Ah, Skittles. Remember that good old-fashioned rainbow of fruit flavors? Remember when it just came in that friendly red package, and you could eat a full three-quarters of the bag before you started to feel ill?

Those were good times, weren’t they?

Not good enough for Mars Incorporated, apparently, because awhile back, the company started rolling out new Skittles varieties all willy-nilly. I believe the tropical flavors came first, followed by Wild Berry, Smoothie Mix, the so-disgusting-they’re-awesome Sour Skittles, and — if the candy’s Wikipedia page is to be believed — all kinds of strange and terrible spinoffs, like Skittles Mints, Liquorice Skittles, and, dear God, Double Sour Skittles.

You’d think they were all done, right? No more fruit frontiers to explore? Every pot of gold at the end of every rainbow plundered? You’d think that, all right, but you aren’t an evil genius in the employ of a dark and powerful candy empire. Behold, bitches! Chocolate Mix Skittles have arrived!

Looking at this bag, two immediate reactions seem appropriate:

1. What, is chocolate a fucking fruit now?
2. (As spoken by my wife when I came home with these) Chocolate Skittles? Aren’t those M&M’s?

Not to spoil anything for you, but the answers to both questions are a loud and hearty “no.” (more…)