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culinary vanguard Tag

If you know anything about dessert, you know cupcakes are the hottest thing around, and have been for years. Wherever you look, cupcakes are huge — often literally, what with all the kits you can buy for making the damn things as big as your increasingly lard-padded head — and even when they’re normally sized, their prices are bloated enough to make up the difference.

And if you know your ass from a hole in the ground when it comes to breakfast foodstuffs, you know that nobody hops on a culinary trend like our good friends at Post. I mean, who can forget Bacon-Wrapped Alpha Bits? Or Golden Crisp with Quinoa? Or…Cupcake Pebbles?

Yes, that’s right. You heard me. Wipe that drool off your chin and hustle down to your nearest supermarket, because Post has done it again. In a sugar-mad blend of old and new, classic and cutting-edge, those crazy fuckers have taken yesterday’s “you cannot possibly be considering eating that for breakfast” menu and added a bold new stroke.

If you haven’t been lucky enough to surf the next wave of deeply inappropriate first meals, I’m going to try and give you an idea of what to expect — but oh my God, you guys, I wish the Web was scratch ‘n’ sniff, because words can’t describe the overpowering blast of cupcakeness that uncoils itself, panther-like, and lodges in your nostrils when you open a box of Cupcake Pebbles. It almost literally punches you in the face. If Betty Crocker and Mike Tyson decided to open a bakery together, I think they would aspire to the visceral scent-clubbing this cereal delivers — it’s so thick, by the time you tear open the bag, you feel like you’ve already eaten several bowls.