Fellow citizens of Bootleg City, I have something to confess — I am not a fellow citizen. I’m the mayor. I’m up here, and you’re down there.
That’s why certain people (I don’t want to name names, but here’s a clue in the form of a simple anagram: MATTWARDLWA) would like to see me fall from grace — they don’t want anyone blocking them as they make their own way up the ladder. And once they’re at the top they’ll give lip service to being “a man of the people,” and they’ll address you as “my fellow citizens,” but trust me, they won’t mean it.
The truth is, it’s fun to be in power. It’s fun to look down and see who’s even balder than you.
It’s also fun to abuse power, and that’s exactly what I did last month when I let my libido lead me away from Bootleg City and off to Spain for a few days. I wasn’t even thoughtful enough to leave a sign on my office door that said “Back in five minutes, or whenever this erection dies down.”
I didn’t let anyone know where I was going. I didn’t put anyone in charge in my absence. Do I regret it? Not really. But do I need this job? Absolutely. I mean, have you people seen what the job market’s like right now? Holy crap!




