Hi everybody! It’s CHART ATTACK! time once again, and this week’s pretty solid, if I do say so myself. (And I do.) This week, we bid a fond (okay, maybe not-so-fond) farewell to three artists who had a slew of Top 10 hits in the ’80s but came to a dead halt within a few weeks of this chart. One day, someone will write a requiem for Loggins, Lewis and Palmer (sounds like a really bad supergroup), but until then, we’ll just have to pay tribute to them here, as we look back to September 24, 1988!

10. Don’t Be Cruel — Bobby Brown Amazon iTunes
9. Nobody’s Fool — Kenny Loggins Amazon iTunes
8. If It Isn’t Love — New Edition Amazon iTunes
7. One Good Woman — Peter Cetera Amazon iTunes
6. Perfect World — Huey Lewis & the News Amazon iTunes
5. Love Bites — Def Leppard Amazon iTunes
4. Simply Irresistible — Robert Palmer Amazon iTunes
3. I’ll Always Love You — Taylor Dayne Amazon iTunes
2. Sweet Child O’ Mine — Guns N’ Roses Amazon iTunes
1. Don’t Worry, Be Happy — Bobby McFerrin Amazon iTunes

10. Don’t Be Cruel — Bobby Brown

Whenever I’m feeling down in the dumps, I like to present myself with some perspective. I always used to think about the Blues Traveler line “It won’t mean a thing in a hundred years,” but I think I’m switching to “hey, you could be Bobby Brown.” Because I don’t know if anybody is such a great example of having everything and then flushing it right down the toilet. He’s even worse than Andy Gibb. I mean, Bobby Brown is so universally hated that even Whitney’s Oprah interview can’t bring her back to the top. You only need to spend a few minutes with Bobby Brown to know that it’s generally a bad idea (case in point? Glenn Medeiros); Whitney spent what, five years with this tool? Maybe if she could still sing, we’d take her back, but this is all besides the point. The point is that no matter how bad you think you’ve screwed up, or how much you think you’ll never be able to get back to a better place, remember: hey, you could be Bobby Brown.

Bobby’s first solo album King of Stage didn’t do so well on the charts (quite possibly because was not the king of the stage). Not so with Don’t Be Cruel, both the album and the single. This was the lead-off single, and though it took a couple of months, it eventually peaked at #8 and paved the way for the other hits from the album. “Don’t Be Cruel” is a pretty sweet R&B song; dare I say it deserved to chart higher, or at least higher than “Humpin’ Around.” My only criticism of the song, and I can’t believe I’m going to say this, is that it ends too abruptly. Bobby does a nifty lil’ rap, and then there’s a fade-out. I seriously want more.

9. Nobody’s Fool — Kenny Loggins

As we’ve said before, Kenny Loggins was the undisputed King of the Soundtrack Songs in the ’80s. You can’t deny the awesome montage/we’re-gonna-make-it-after-all power of “I’m Alright,” “Footloose,” “Danger Zone,” and “Meet Me Half Way.” Kenny would agree; they’re included on his 1997 greatest hits collection. “Nobody’s Fool,” however, isn’t on there. Seems odd, right? The song did reach #8, certainly higher than other included songs like “Forever” (#40), “Conviction of the Heart” (#65) and “The Real Thing” (#∞).

So why isn’t it included? I’m going to guess that perhaps it’s because the song was the “Theme From Caddyshack II,” which was a terrible, terrible movie. And because it actually includes the line “Back to the shack,” which just reeks of desperation. Take a look at the video, which — of course — includes numerous clips from the movie itself. When you’re competing with Jackie Mason for screen time, you know you’re in serious, serious trouble.

“Nobody’s Fool” was Loggins’ final appearance not only in the Top 10, but in the Top 40. That might be another reason why the song isn’t included. It’s actually a shame, because the chorus is pretty damn good. You can read more about the song and its video at Gavin Edwards’ Rule 42 blog. (more…)