Since talking about 12″ mixes is like dancing about architecture, I’m just posting tunes going forward. So for all you fly mothers, get on out there and dance. Dance, I said!
Janet Jackson – Rhythm Nation (United Mix)
Neneh Cherry – Buffalo Stance
The System – Don’t Disturb This Groove
The Rolling Stones – One Hit (To the Body)
Sniff ‘n the Tears – Driver’s Seat (Extended Version)
Hi, everybody! Welcome back to another edition of CHART ATTACK! So I’m assuming that every single one of you sat at your computers two Fridays ago, furiously refreshing my Twitter page to follow my exciting adventures at the Jack Wagner concert. What? You didn’t? You guys are jerks. That’s the last time I invite you to…watch me do something. Well, here it is in a nutshell: my two-hour drive wound up taking five hours in the rain and traffic. I showed up halfway through the show, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. I shouted for “Right Here Waiting” when he asked for requests and Jeff hit me. Then, he played “All I Need,” and…well, if you haven’t read it already, check out Jeff’s awesome account of the evening.
Anyway, last time we met here, we covered a summer week in 1992. I was convinced there were better weeks within the decade to be found. Let’s see if you agree — here’s the chart for the week ending August 18, 1990!
10. King of Wishful Thinking — Go West Amazon iTunes
9. Cradle of Love — Billy Idol Amazon iTunes
8. Have You Seen Her — M.C. Hammer Amazon iTunes
7. Do Me! — Bell Biv Devoe Amazon iTunes
6. Blaze of Glory — Jon Bon Jovi Amazon iTunes
5. Unskinny Bop — Poison Amazon iTunes
4. The Power — Snap! Amazon iTunes
3. If Wishes Came True — Sweet Sensation Amazon iTunes
2. Come Back to Me — Janet Jackson Amazon iTunes
1. Vision of Love — Mariah Carey Amazon iTunes
10. King of Wishful Thinking — Go West
I’m having a serious debate with myself right now. Do I admit to you that I really like this song a lot? That if it comes on the Lite-FM radio station, I totally won’t turn it off? And after that, do I admit to you that the first compact disc I ever owned was the Pretty Woman soundtrack, followed by Richard Marx’s Repeat Offender? Because if I tell you these things, you might think less of me, and I don’t want you to think less of me. So okay, I won’t tell you. Problem solved.
Go West, consisting of Richard Drummie and Peter Cox, was formed in England in 1982. Although they had a number of hits in their native country, the duo literally hovered around the Top 40 before 1990: “We Close Our Eyes” reached #41 (you can find out more about the single by checking out either Popdose series White Label Wednesday or Bottom Feeders) and “Don’t Look Down — The Sequel” reached #39, leading me to wonder how anybody hits the Top 40 with the word “sequel” in the title. (Only one other artist has done it — if you know who, shout it out in the comments!) It wasn’t until veteran A&R exec and producer Ron Fair included the song on the Pretty Woman soundtrack that Go West received their moment in the spotlight. “King” peaked at #8 and received an ASCAP award as well. You may recall one other Go West song, “Faithful,” aka “King of Wishful Thinking — The Sequel,” which reached #14 in 1992. Both songs were written by Drummie and Cox in collaboration with Martin Page, the man behind “In the House of Stone and Light.” Go West are still together, although Peter Cox has released a few solo albums — including one that contains his cover of “What a Fool Believes.”
9. Cradle of Love — Billy Idol
If you were watching MTV in the early part of the decade, surely you remember the huge news of Billy Idol’s motorcycle accident: in February of 1990, Idol ran a red light while on his Harley and was hit by a car. He almost lost his right leg; he wound up having a steel rod inserted instead. Billy’s album, Charmed Life and the single, “Cradle of Love,” ended up serving as “comeback” releases for him. They might have been determined as such anyway, as he hadn’t released a truly new album since 1986’s Whiplash Smile and hadn’t released a single since 1987’s live version of “Mony Mony,” from the remix album Vital Idol. The hype surrounding his return to the industry, coupled with inclusion in an overrated movie (The Adventures of Ford Fairlaine) and a tremendously hot video (directed by David Fincher) all helped the song reach #2 in early August. Billy hasn’t reached the Top 40 since then.
Now here’s the bad news: Billy lost two movie roles as a result of his accident. You may have heard about the first one — his role in Oliver Stone’s The Doors was significantly reduced since he couldn’t really walk. But the second role he lost?
I’m not kidding you. Billy Idol was James Cameron’s first choice to play T-1000 in Terminator 2. It’s totally true!
8. Have You Seen Her — M.C. Hammer
Okay, look. I understand that “U Can’t Touch This” was a huge hit. I’d even call it a deservedly huge hit. It’s awesome. The only thing wrong with it is that it gave Rick James more money for blow. But just because one song is a hit doesn’t automatically mean that every song after it should be given a free pass. This song is just terrible. Absolutely terrible. And even worse, it reached #4, beating “U Can’t Touch This” by four spots. How does “Have You Seen Her” beat “U Can’t Touch This”? This is bullshit. I’m glad he went broke.
I’m not just randomly bitching here. I can back this up.
Jason’s Top Three Reasons Why “Have You Seen Her” Sucks (more…)
Social Distortion – “Bad Luck”
Ying Yang Twins – “Salt Shaker”
Say Hi – “We Lost the Albatross”
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Last week Nada Surf was the most popular selection, as Sarah Sebestyen’s fans showed up en force to deliver her 49 percent of the vote — almost three times as many as anyone else. Join us again next week as we match up songs about Fading to Black. Song suggestions for next week are welcome in the comments!
Everyone has that song that they like beyond all logical explanation. This is mine.
The rational part of my brain knows that this a ‘pieces parts’ kind of song. The rhythm track and bass line are a near note-for-note ripoff of Janet Jackson’s “What Have You Done for Me Lately,” which stormed the charts nine months earlier. Chico’s vocals are wafer-thin, and while it’s tempting say that this would explain why he was never allowed to be in the band that bears his name, that would be giving his older siblings far too much credit. Lastly, sweet Jesus, look at that cover. Hideous ’80s hair, and an equally hideous, midriff-baring outfit to go with it. What they didn’t steal to make this song, they took from a dumpster and assembled with duct tape and discarded wallpaper.
And I like it anyway.
Listen to the thump of that drum track. Big, exploding snare drum, then POW! The biggest handclap ever put to tape, not to mention lots and lots of cowbell, which recent studies have shown cures cancer, re-grows hair and will help you get back together with your ex-girlfriend. They even engage in a little studio wizardry with some backwards bits to lure in remix geeks like me, while that brand-new sampler begs for its life. “T-t-t-t-talk to me, baby.” All right, now drop an octave. “Taaaaaaalk tooo meeee baaaaaaaaaaby.” Very much of the moment, but pretty damn funky for a mid-’80s Motown record. Still, the song is such a ripoff of Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis’ production on Janet’s Control (1986) that it’s equal parts ‘answer’ record and hate-fueled skull-fucking. “I’m Berry Gordy, bitch!” (more…)
What the hell, I’m jumping on the bandwagon. I don’t have too much to say about Michael Jackson’s death (okay, maybe a little bit at the end of this post), but I did love the man’s music. Like so many of you, I grew up with Thriller, bought Bad the day it came out, and threw up a little when he kissed Lisa Marie on national television. So this week, I thought I’d review some of Michael’s many songs that graced the Top 10 over his career.
A few notes before we begin: would you believe that Michael never had a song at #9 or #8? It’s true. So I took a few liberties across the chart, but every song did indeed reach the Top 10. Also, I don’t think I’ve really come to terms with the fact that Michael Jackson is actually dead (how come there haven’t been any conspiracy theories brought forth yet about this all being a ruse, and Michael is actually living in hiding somewhere with John F. Kennedy, Jr. and Olivia Newton-John’s boyfriend?), so forgive me for switching tenses here and there. I know I did it, I’m too lazy to edit it now. Okay, enough explanation — it’s time for CHART ATTACK!’s Michael Jackson Edition!
10. Off the Wall — Michael Jackson Amazon iTunes
9. P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) — Michael Jackson Amazon iTunes
8. Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground) — The Jacksons Amazon iTunes
7. Human Nature — Michael Jackson Amazon iTunes
6. In the Closet — Michael Jackson Amazon iTunes
5. Scream — Michael Jackson & Janet Jackson Amazon iTunes
4. Got to Be There — Michael Jackson Amazon iTunes
3. Remember the Time — Michael Jackson Amazon iTunes
2. Man in the Mirror — Michael Jackson Amazon iTunes
1. The Love You Save — The Jackson 5 Amazon iTunes
10. Off the Wall — Michael Jackson
Peaked at #10 on 4/12/80
I’ve known this song for years and years, but I always thought it was called “Enjoy Yourself.” Nope, that’s actually a song by the Jacksons that reached #6 in 1974. This one is written by Rod Temperton, formerly known as “the white guy in Heatwave.” This marked the beginning of a very lucrative collaboration between Temperton and Jackson, as Temperton wrote “Off the Wall,” “Burn This Disco Out” and the awesome “Rock With You” for Off the Wall, and “Thriller,” the underrated “Baby Be Mine” and the just-as-mediocre-as-you-remember-it “Lady in My Life” for Thriller. Apparently Rod had a knack for writing album title songs. Anyway, “Off the Wall” features some lame lyrics and an inexplicable chimp in the opening (no, it’s not Bubbles — this was 1979, remember?), but a great hook in the chorus. That’s really what this song’s all about. If the bassline sounds familiar it all, it might be because Rod wrote a very similar part in Heatwave’s “Boogie Nights.”
Michael performed this one live frequently, both with the Jacksons (Destiny, Triumph and Victory tours) and solo, doing a pretty credible job on the Bad Tour as well. Sheryl Crow’s in the background of this video, singing backing vocals, but good luck finding her under all her hair.
9. P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) — Michael Jackson
Peaked at #10 on 11/26/83
Oooh yeah! Now we’re talking! I love every single thing about this song. It’s funky, it’s got a killer groove, great vocals and awesome synths. Minor points off for any song where Michael feels the need to talk, especially when trying to sex someone up, but it really can’t stop this one from kicking ass. The Pretty Young Things echoing back the “na na na na na” part are Janet and LaToya, not that you could possibly tell.
“P.Y.T.” was originally written by Jackson and Greg Phillinganes as a slower R&B song. Quincy Jones heard it, and apparently liked the title…and nothing else. He and James Ingram re-wrote the song into the version we all know and love. Here’s the original demo that was rejected; will.i.am later mixed the demo for the Thriller 25 album, and this version has been edited by DJ U-Tern, apparently. It’s the only version I can find.
Michael Jackson — P.Y.T. (Demo) (U-Tern Edit) (download)
In 2002, Monica sampled “P.Y.T.” for her single “All Eyez on Me,” which is actually quite good. Jackson actually gave the masters to Monica, and you can hear a few ad-libs not present on the original record near the end.
Monica — All Eyez on Me (download) (more…)
Hello again, folks! Last time we met, we reviewed a pretty awesome chart from June of 1975. Well, since I choose these charts pretty much at random, you had to know it was inevitable that our luck might not hold out. Or did it? I’ll be interested in hearing what you think — let’s take a look at the pop-filled chart for the week ending July 19, 1986!
10. Love Touch — Rod Stewart Amazon iTunes
9. Your Wildest Dreams — The Moody Blues Amazon iTunes
8. There’ll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry) — Billy Ocean Amazon iTunes
7. Glory of Love — Peter Cetera Amazon iTunes
6. Who’s Johnny — El DeBarge Amazon iTunes
5. Holding Back the Years — Simply Red Amazon iTunes
4. Danger Zone — Kenny Loggins Amazon iTunes
3. Nasty — Janet Jackson Amazon iTunes
2. Sledgehammer — Peter Gabriel Amazon iTunes
1. Invisible Touch — Genesis Amazon iTunes
10. Love Touch — Rod Stewart
Even in 1986, how did Rod Stewart keep a straight face when singing the line “I’m gonna give you my love touch”? No, even worse, let’s look at the middle of the song, where Rod actually sings “Oooh, you’re gonna get a/oooh, you’re gonna get a big love touch.” That’s the worst of the bunch. “A big love touch”? Shame on you, Rod. I’d even take you making love to the camera a la “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” over this dreck. And who had the idea for steel drums? What a terrible idea! Although I think it’d be fun to go to the Bahamas and ask a traditional steel drum band if they know “Love Touch.” (C’mon, do we really need to hear them play Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds” yet again?)
All this being said…for some inexplicable reason, I like the chorus of this song. (Well, up until he says the words “love” and “touch,” anyway.) I specifically love the line “Just gimme a chance!” because of the way he pronounces “chance.” It sounds like Harry Caray.
This is the first of four songs on this week’s chart taken from a movie soundtrack. This one in particular is from Legal Eagles, and some brilliant director decided to set the (awful) video in a courtroom, inserting scenes from the movie featuring Robert Redford, Debra Winger and Daryl Hannah. Fortunately, all three actors had the good sense to not make themselves available for the video, unlike another certain movie star…well, you’ll see.
Janet Jackson may have declared her independence from her famous family with 1986’s Control, but the youngest of the nine Jackson children made it known that she would be more than a one-album wonder three years later with Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation 1814. Guided by the production team of Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis for the second time, Jackson made one of the decade’s most forward-thinking R&B albums, fusing pop and soul melodies with a hard-edged, hip-hop derived sound. As audacious as Control was (and I can’t think of that kind of album made by a female R&B singer before it), Rhythm Nation is (and probably will always remain) her career’s crowning achievement.
With Rhythm Nation, Janet decided to look at the world around her and make an album that was themed around having a social conscience. Of course, political music was nothing new in R&B music. Back in the Seventies, Marvin Gaye, The Isley Brothers and Stevie Wonder, among others, spent as much time singing about political and social issues as they did singing about love and relationships. However, by the late Eighties, R&B had almost completely moved to the bedroom, while hip-hop had taken over as the genre to check out if you wanted to know what was going on in the world (to say nothing of rock acts like U2, Midnight Oil and Tracy Chapman).
Jackson got the idea for the album after learning about “nations,” groups of young people of various backgrounds who banded together to form sort of an intelligent alternative to street gangs. She decided to create a “nation” of her own, one that would center around music and dance as a means to discuss modern ills like racism, illiteracy and homelessness. Heady topics, to be sure, and granted, you’re not going to get much in the way of profundity here; after all, this is a Jackson we’re talking about . However, Jackson’s utopian, colorblind worldview resonated with her young, multi-ethnic group of fans, and with grooves as slammin’ as the ones Jam & Lewis cooked up, who cares about the words anyway? (more…)
You may have noticed the lack of intros to my posts lately. While this series is all about the music, I do like to do one now and again, but am going through a nice little writer’s block right now. However, there is one thing that always breaks me out of it and that’s more inappropriate ghetto music!
Yeah, I haven’t had one of those moments in a while, in fact it’s been months since Debbie Gibson blared out my car, but it happened again this past week. For those who are new to the series, let me explain. I normally drive to and from work in a route that bypasses my neighborhood ghetto. But on days where I’m picking up dinner on the way home, the row of restaurants takes me right through the slums. And lately, I’ve been taking the long way to my son’s daycare in the morning and that puts me the other way through the dingy streets, but the ghetto in daylight usually just isn’t exciting. When the lights go down it’s crack whores and homeless people (though, unlike last time I haven’t seen the homeless guy with the broken leg in a while).
The other day I was driving through the ghetto just as the sun was starting to go down. I got stuck behind a school bus that at one point must have let 20 kids off at one time. So here I am in my three-week-old Scion xB with the windows down and the iPod on shuffle. Playing as the kids got off the bus was Manowar’s “Loki God of Fire.” Strangely enough that wasn’t the inappropriate song choice. I must have been at the very end of the song because as these kids were crossing the street in front of my car, my iPod shuffles to “Soldier of Love” by Donny Osmond. At least three kids stared into my car and laughed as if to say, “You are the whitest person I have ever seen, retard.” You know, I don’t care what people think about my musical choices, but there’s something really embarrassing about a group of 13-year-olds laughing at a grown man. Of course that could have been my conscience talking as well, as those kids could have been laughing at a joke or someone could have farted. Maybe it wasn’t the Donny Osmond after all. And I mean, fuck, I’m sure they had no clue that was Donny fucking Osmond unless they are the coolest kids ever. Who am I kidding? I was a grown man being laughed at by kids for inappropriate ghetto music. Maybe I need to plan better and just always have Lil Wayne handy for these moments.
Anyway, on to a whole mess of songs that probably wouldn’t be too inappropriate. This week we begin the letter J as we take a look at the lower three-fifths of the Billboard Hot 100 chart during the 1980s.
Hip-hop music is not typically Uncle Donnie’s thing, nor is hip-hop slang, nor hip-hop fashion. Basically, Uncle Donnie doesn’t understand hip-hop, though he does try. Apparently, he doesn’t read much about it, either, because he’s still wondering why he hasn’t heard back from Tupac, whose estate received the following missive from Uncle Donnie about a month ago. —RS
TO:Â Tupac Shakur
FROM:Â Don Skwatzenschitz
RE:Â Career advice
Hi, there, Pac. You might not remember me, but we ran into each other in the men’s room at the Palladium back in ‘94, at a Janet Jackson show. Wasn’t she great that night? My God, the sheer athleticism of that show—now there’s someone who has talent, who never has to stoop to silly publicity stunts (like, you know, public nudity or something) just to get people to listen to her music. Awesome. Though, I did really want to see the end of her show but couldn’t, because that one overly eager bodyguard of yours snapped my collar bone like he was breaking a pencil. But I let bygones be bygones, you know? Life’s too short.
So here it is, 2009, and I’m just now hearing the last record you put out, Pac’s Life, from 2006 (my wife Mitzi and her hip-hop tai chi class use “Playa Cardz Right” in their “2zday Mix”). What amazing poetry you, um, drop. Bringing in T.I. and Ashanti on the track “Pac’s Life” was a stroke of genius too, uh, playa. They’re totally hot right now. Why haven’t you done anything in the last two or three years? I went back to some of your other records, and was just floored by your delivery and the way you bring in these awesome guest stars and producers. “Fuck ‘Em All,” from Better Dayz? Talk about universal sentiment, uh, dawg. And “Thug N U Thug N Me,” from Until the End of Time is my new anthem. I’m even getting a t-shirt made with that on it.
Anyway, uh, homie, I think you need to get back out in front of people again, and I have some ideas to help you do just that. Be open-minded, though—some of these might seem odd, particularly to an obvious recluse like yourself. Just hear me out, though, um, yo. Check out this, uh, fly shizznit: (more…)
Howdy, everybody! Happy Halloween! Between Tina Turner’s hair and Eddie Money’s face, it’s quite a scary week here at CHART ATTACK! Take a look back at what singles were topping the Billboard Hot 100 on November 1, 1986!
10. All Cried Out — Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam with Full Force Amazon iTunes
9. Take Me Home Tonight — Eddie Money Amazon iTunes
8. Sweet Love — Anita Baker Amazon iTunes
7. When I Think of You — Janet Jackson Amazon iTunes
6. True Blue — Madonna Amazon iTunes
5. Human — Human League Amazon iTunes
4. Amanda — Boston Amazon iTunes
3. I Didn’t Mean to Turn You On — Robert Palmer Amazon iTunes
2. Typical Male — Tina Turner Amazon iTunes
1. True Colors — Cyndi Lauper Amazon iTunes
10. All Cried Out — Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam with Full Force
I have the weirdest memory of this song. I remember watching America’s Funniest Home Videos very early on in its run (I was 12, okay?), and they had a video of a guy who had done his makeup half as a bride, half as a groom. And his shtick was that he sang “All Cried Out” in profile to the camera, half as the woman and half as the man. That’s all I remember about this song; it wasn’t until I listened to it just now that I realized it was even a duet. Who’s the guy, anyway? I’m guessing he was in Full Force. According to Wikipedia, Full Force had two vocalists — Paul Anthony or Bowlegged Lou — so I guess it was one of those two. Please let it be Bowlegged Lou. I like the idea of someone named Lisa Lisa having a passionate lover’s quarrel with Bowlegged Lou. “You listen here, Lisa Lisa!” “Don’t talk to me like that, Bowlegged Lou!” And then, of course, later, they reconcile, and before you know it, the priest is going, “Do you, Lisa Lisa, take Bowlegged Lou…”
Why did Lisa Lisa need Full Force, anyway? Wasn’t having Cult Jam enough? Both sound like formidable teams, but a Full Force Cult Jam sounds like overkill.
Holy cow, here’s a “live” performance from 1986, and guess what? Paul Anthony and Bowlegged Lou sing to Lisa Lisa! It’s a Full Force threesome! Fast forward to 1:40 for the good stuff, and by “good stuff,” I mean “some seriously awful fashion decisions.”
I personally find this song to be just another lame ballad, but apparently, I’m in the minority: listen to this crowd do all the singing at this performance from earlier this year. They’re loving this one, even without good ol’ Bowlegged Lou. By the way, I’m not saying that people can’t get older and maybe put on a few pounds, now she’s more like Lisa Lisa Lisa.
9. Take Me Home Tonight — Eddie Money
Is it just me, or does Eddie Money kind of look like Benny Mardones?
