Posts Tagged ‘Kelly Clarkson’

Jesus of Cool: We Wuz Robbed! Great #2 Hits of the ’00s

My apologies to anyone who’s been waiting with bated breath for me to wrap up this series – is there any such person out there? I left off in early August, with my review of songs that failed to wriggle their way past Mariah Carey and/or Boyz II Men to reach the top of Billboard’s Hot 100 during the ’90s. Since then I’ve faced the same trepidation I had last year while surveying the Worst Number One Songs of the ’00s – namely, the fact that I feel less than eminently qualified to pass judgment on the Auto-Tune Era. Finally, though, as Woody Harrelson puts it so eloquently in Zombieland, I decided it was time to “nut up or shut up,” so here we are.

Fortunately, I’ve got the artist kicking off our countdown to push me forward, and remind me why I took up this six-part (so far) endeavor in the first place. As always, I’ll conclude with a list of some other #2s from the decade.

11. “Work It,” Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliott. I don’t particularly care for this track, but there are a couple reasons why it’s a perfect launching pad for this column. For one, it represents a key step in the evolution of hip-hop toward raunchy themes and racy lyrics. Because Missy was as nasty as the boyz of her era, she absolved the trend of any misogynist stigma, and it was a quick step from “Work It” to the strip-club hip-hop soul that’s become so prevalent lately. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, necessarily … though when even Jordin Sparks is singing about “the club,” maybe the moment is over, huh? Anyway, the other key accomplishment of “Work It” was its 10-week stay at #2 — tied with Foreigner’s “Waiting for a Girl Like You” (which we celebrated here) for the longest runner-up run in chart history. And here’s where we’ve gotta give Missy her props, because she’s got the stones to admit that only reaching #2 with her biggest hit kinda sucked. “I just wanted to die those ten weeks,” she said of being blocked by Eminem’s smash “Lose Yourself” through the winter of ’03. “I mean, it wasn’t cool.” (more…)

Unsolicited Career Advice for … Donny Osmond

So Lev comes over to my place last week—first time he’s been around in a while. We have a few beers and watch Tiger Woods implode, split a calzone from Napoli’s, chat a bit. He gets up to leave and, almost as an afterthought, tells me he has more Uncle Donnie memos in his car. Of course, I get pissed—I would have much rather spent the afternoon reading through Uncle Donnie’s memos than watching golf. Lev probably knew that, but his TV was broken and he really wanted to watch Tiger. Whatever.

This is a recent missive Uncle Donnie sent to one particular toothy Mormon Vegas singer. Methinks there might have been ulterior motives in play, though. -RS

TO: Donny Osmond
FROM: Don Skwatzenschitz
RE: Career Advice

From one Don to another, Donny, we need to get you out there, in a real way. Twenty years since your last hit is too long. Now, I understand you might not think the public is ready for you to reemerge, but you’re wrong, Donny-Boy. Really wrong.

Right now, this very minute, I could get on the facsimile machine and book you a US tour that would take you from Utah to the Florida panhandle, up to Maine, over to California, and back to Utah again. Seventy, eighty shows. And we could do it all in around six weeks, because we’d be playing in under-utilized performance spaces: abandoned Circuit City storefronts. Not inside the stores, mind you; outside them, on the sidewalk. Guerrilla style, like those Rage Against the Machine guys. Set up, play a half hour—”Puppy Love,” “Sacred Emotion,” “Go Away Little Girl,” “One Bad Apple,” “Love Me for a Reason,” maybe a cover of something current, then “Soldier of Love,” done—then pack up and move on to the next place. We could do three or four a day, depending on the routing. Think about it. People hanging around outside abandoned Circuit City storefronts are hungry for your music, and they don’t even know it. (more…)

CD Review: Kelly Clarkson, “All I Ever Wanted”

I still feel bad about Kelly Clarkson. Weird, no? All I Ever Wanted has been out awhile now, the first single, “My Life Would Suck Without You,” is the big, power-chorus pop tune her fans wanted, and everything is supposedly back to normal with her career. She even gets to have things her way a little bit, as this album has a little of the rock edge and bite she was aiming for on her musical Declaration of Independence, My December (2007).

Yet I can’t help but wonder, at what cost? Surely you know of the drama and mishegoss behind the scenes, but for the sake of clarity, label head Clive Davis didn’t like My December. It lost the pop edge, recast cutie-pie Kelly as a much darker personality, and he felt he “didn’t hear a single.” Clarkson stood her ground and as the primary songwriter and guiding force of the project, she considered it to be that bold emancipation moment, out of the music-machinations, out of the clutches of American Idoldom… She pinned a lot on the fate of the album.

Well, even though it went platinum, it was considered a failure when compared to the figures set by the previous Breakaway (2004). Although the single, “Never Again,” did well digitally, it didn’t really do much to push the product. There were no substantial singles afterward, which meant a lot as both the modern music industry and Clarkson’s specific career niche was built on the foundations of being a singles-oriented artist. Critics were divided. Some felt the album was strong, bold and assertive. Others felt it blatantly and consciously aped Amy Lee and Evanescence (which is kind of absurd, since Evanescence bald-facedly apes Cristina Scabbia and Lacuna Coil, Anneke Van Giersbergen with The Gathering and a whole host of female fronted rock bands.) It is all to say that My December would have been considered a fairly substantive success for anyone other than Kelly Clarkson.

So we’re back to the present, Clarkson is now America’s cutie-pie again, working directly with her label’s hitmakers for hire Max Martin, Howard Benson, Kara DioGuardi (now herself an Idol piece of furniture) and the excreble Ryan Tedder. Perhaps more telling is that on the pop ladder, Katy Perry, who would fall somewhere under her, is now hired to write a couple songs for her (including “I Do Not Hook Up”). The imagery associated with the album is all bright, shiny and day-glo, a look we’ve come to associate mostly with Perry and, in fact, it’s hard not to believe Clarkson has been refurbished more in her image. It’s akin to a pop music version of All About Eve. (more…)

Fall Music Preview: 21 New Releases to Listen For

Ah, the fourth quarter. It isn’t as much of an event as it used to be, but even as the music industry crumbles to dust before our very eyes, artists and labels continue to focus on the last few months of the year for the biggest glut of high-profile releases on the calendar, and 2008 is no exception.

Rather than punishing your eyes with a comprehensive fall music preview, or soliciting input from everyone on the staff, I decided to put together a list of the titles I’m either looking forward to (Lindsey Buckingham, Brian Wilson), need to hear to satisfy some dark, unexplained urge (Gym Class Heroes, Queen), or simply find interesting for some reason (Todd Rundgren, AC/DC). If you’ve been waiting for someone to tell you how to spend the “music” portion of your discretionary income for the next few months, look no further — without further ado, here’s my list of 21 fall releases to watch for.


Rodney Crowell – Sex & Gasoline (Yep Roc, September 2)

In which one of country’s most freewheeling (read: consistently interesting) songwriters hooks up with Yep Roc for a song cycle that, if the press kit is to be trusted, is “about women.” You can be certain the songs do more than just live up to that simple billing, especially with titles like “The Rise and Fall of Intelligent Design” — and as an added bonus, our pal Joe Henry was behind the boards (and does a duet with Crowell on one track, “I’ve Done All That I Can”). What, you don’t like country? Yeah, me neither. But I’m buying this. (more…)