All posts tagged: Larry the Cable Guy

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Ol’ John Cougar’s Holiday Gift Guide

If’n y’all ain’t familiar with what ol’ John Cougar does round here these parts, go back and read some of my col-umms what with to familiarize yourself with the fact that ol’ John Cougar is a good old fashioned down home country boy from a small town making real music for real Americans, but that your boy John Cougar is also an immortal shapeshifting werewolf what can control the Indy 500 pace car with his mind. It’s your good ol’ buddy John Cougar. Now I know I what usually give you advise on your personal problems and sitch-you-ayshuns, but right now I’m here to give you the real whatfor on what sundries and embodiments to get for y’alls progeny and whatnot on yer holiday list. Because be it for such pagan-like festivities like Christmas or Hanakah or Kwanzaa, or if’n yer like ol’ John Cougar and recognize the truth and beauty of the holiday we call Alazkazakz, or “The Great Reckoning,” or “The Final Ascendance of Yr,” y’alls got to buy gifts to show the …

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10 Movies…About The Witness Relocation Program (Like ‘The Family’)

This week marks the release of The Family, another example of Hollywood’s favorite cliché situation: stereotypical Italian-American crime family goes into Witness Protection and they chafe at it. (In reality, Witness Protection is rare; as it turns out the government doesn’t give a shit if you’re a bad guy and other bad guys kill you.) But at least The Family is directed by French film god Luc Besson, who is apparently trying his hand at farce, which the French love as much as Americans love stuff about Witness Protection. Here are 10 more movies about Witness Protection, all of which feel like French movies that were translated into English. The Pacifier Vin Diesel has to find the secret documents and hide out in the suburbs and protect some kids which OMG he’s a MAN! Did You Hear About the Morgans? If you did, in fact, hear about the Morgans, then their Witness Protection detail isn’t doing a very good job of keeping there whereabouts hidden. Man of the House Tommy Lee Jones has to keep …