The mayoral election is only 11 days away, and if the endless online chatter here in Bootleg City is any indication, voter turnout is sure to break all kinds of records! Keep in mind, of course, that if you break any and all kinds of vinyl records within the city limits, you’ll be shot on sight by Lindsey Buckingham. I’m sorry, but I can’t control that animal.
With four candidates vying to be this city’s next mayor — and each one of us drawing roughly 25 percent of the vote in the latest tracking polls — I had no choice but to create negative attack ads (as opposed to positive attack ads, which usually feature footage of me engaging in surprise tickle fights). They’ll begin airing next week, but because I like you so much and know you’ll vote for me simply because you need all the friends you can get (we’ll discuss your wardrobe later), I’d like to offer you a verbal preview of each ad.
First up, the most inspirational opponent of the bunch but also, oddly enough, the least lively:
Bob Marley wants to be your next mayor. If elected, he promises to “stir it up” at City Hall and restore “one love” to Bootleg City.
All he asks is that voters “get up, stand up” to elect Mayor Robert Cass out of office. But how can Mr. Marley get up or stand up when he’s been lying down … for the last 28 years?
Could you be loved by Bob Marley? Isn’t the more urgent question “Could you be dead, Bob Marley?”
The answer is yes. Because he is.
On November 3, vote for a candidate who’s still alive. Vote for Robert Cass for Mayor.
Paid for by the Committee to Re-elect a Mayor Who’s Never Shot a Sheriff.
No major theme this week, folks. Next week, on the other hand, will have a theme very close to me, so don’t forget to stop by for that one. Yeah, next week’s mixtape is gonna RAWK, but this week… Eh.
Now that’s some kinda salesmanship right there, y’all.
I’m not sure if you’re aware, but this weekend marks my first anniversary writing for Popdose. I can’t believe it’s been a year already! I also can’t believe I haven’t run out of movies to write about yet. Pretty soon I’m going to have to remake some of my earlier posts with younger, more modern (you know, shittier) words.
I want to thank everyone who reads this column whether you comment on the posts or not. I truly do appreciate the fact that you guys seem to get my sense of humor and enjoy most of the movies I’ve chosen to write about. I also want to thank the rest of the Popdose staff for welcoming me into the fold. You guys are the best.
So, since this is my anniversary, and since this is Labor Day weekend, I’ve decided I want to take it easy. Instead of devoting a post to one movie and spending hours rewatching the film, researching trivia about it, and finding songs from its soundtrack, I decided to do something a little different — I’ve made a mix of songs from a bunch of different movies. How do you like them apples, huh?
Now, I know you’re probably thinking, “That lazy bitch!” But the thing is, I’ve wanted to do this for some time. I don’t know if you realize how tough it is sometimes for me to figure out what each post is going to be about. It’s not as simple as just choosing a movie I like; I also want to make sure I’m not writing about a soundtrack that’s super easy to find. I mean, where’s the fun in that?
For this special edition of Bootleg City, I’m spotlighting the top 17 songs of the ’90s, a decade we can all officially start nostalgicizing on January 1, 2010. Until then we’re in limbo, if you’ll pardon the expression — the untimely deaths of Michael Jackson and JohnHughes in the past six weeks have put a damper on the last blast of ’80s nostalgia in this decade. But life goes on, of course, as does pop culture’s never-ending look backward.
I was beginning to think I’d never find a tough lawman to clean up Bootleg City, especially after my faux pas-filled interview with Marshall Crenshaw. (I won’t bore you with the details of my preliminary talks with the Police. They work well as a team, but who needs all that drama?) But last weekend, as I was digging through CDs at the one place left in town to shop for music — the local Christian thrift store, Heaven Is One Coffee-Stained Couch Donation Away — I ran across a copy of Law and Order by Lindsey Buckingham.
Of course! Who better to scare the crap out of criminals than the man who followed up Law and Order with Go Insane? Here in America we can’t get enough of “maverick cops” who have trouble “playing by the rules” and are willing to risk “life and limb” to nab the bad guys, possibly because they’re “mentally unstable” or just plain “suicidal,” and years down the road may end up making “anti-Semitic comments” to arresting officers while “hammered out of their gourds on Cazadores tequila” behind the wheel of an automobile. In order to catch the bad guys, you have to think like the bad guys, but sometimes that means you end up talking and even acting like the bad guys. But isn’t it worth all the apologetic “Whoopsy!” meetings with rabbis and the stints in rehab and the worldwide public condemnation if it eventually translates to some face time with Diane Sawyer?
It’s no wonder Mayor P.R. Nelson of Erotic City was upset when he found out I’d hired Lindsey — no one had told him that Stevie Nicks’s ex was available as a gun for hire in the first place. His brisk e-mail said it all: “How come U don’t call me anymore?” His second e-mail was even more to the point: “I hate U.”
Don’t worry, he’ll get over it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about freaky people, it’s that they keep on comin’.
Very recently, I collected almost all the songs from the soundtracks of National Lampoon’s Vacation(1983) and National Lampoon’s European Vacation (1985). I knew I wanted to write about one of the two this week, but couldn’t decide which one. So I asked my tweeps and Facebook friends to pick one or the other, not telling them why I made the request.
Winning with almost 100 percent of the vote was European Vacation. Some of my pals provided their favorite quote from the movie along with their vote, the most popular being, “Dad, I think he’s gonna pork her!” I can’t ignore what the people want, so the Griswolds in Europe it is. (Don’t worry, Vacation ‘83 fans — I’ll write about it soon enough.)
Written by our old pal JohnHughes and directed by Amy Heckerling (Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Clueless), European Vacation follows the Griswold family — Clark (Chevy Chase), Ellen (Beverly D’Angelo), and their kids Rusty (Jason Lively) and Audrey (Dana Hill) — as they head off on a whirlwind [insert title of movie], which they won on the completely ridiculous game show “Pig in a Poke.” They make stops in England, France, Germany, and Italy, leaving a trail of injury, damage, and general confusion wherever they go.
This is one of those movies where I don’t think a plot synopsis would do it any justice. If you haven’t seen European Vacation, just know that it’s chock-full of physical humor and hilarious, quotable lines. One that my family and I still bring up if we’re out driving and we get lost and keep passing the same scenery is: “There’s Big Ben! And there’s Parliament!”
On the morning of November 21, 1980, the Los Angeles fire department responded to Don Henley’s call to help someone at his house who apparently was having a seizure. The person turned out to be a naked 16-year-old prostitute who had been taking large amounts of cocaine and Quaaludes. While Henley pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and admitted the girl arrived after he called a madam to find girls to party with, he still claims that he didn’t have sex with her, didn’t know how old the prostitute was, and didn’t know how many drugs she was doing–he seems to place the blame for her mass ingestion on roadies who were at his house. In the end, Henley got a fine and two year’s probation, and avoided any harsher drug or sex-related charges. [1]
If this was merely an isolated speed bump along the road of life…well, I wouldn’t be writing this article. Fact is, Henley has had a long history of debauchery in his past. The book You’ll Never Make Love in This Town Again — a tell-all from four high-priced call girls with celebrity clientele — goes into Henley’s love of coke orgies. I once saw a comic in Los Angeles that “acted out” a supposed event from the book, where multiple prostitutes visited Henley in his hotel room. I won’t go into detail, except one of the call girls mentioned that she had never in her life been around anyone who reeked more of alcohol than Henley. (more…)
For all those Sheryl Crow fans who were disappointed when they found out she wouldn’t be filling in for Christine McVie on Fleetwood Mac’s current reunion tour, I’ve replaced McVie’s vocals with Crow’s in the Rumours (1977) outtakes below. I couldn’t afford Crow herself, though, so I hired an impersonator. But she turned out to be a Cher impersonator, not to mention a he, so I ended up recording the vocals myself, even though I too am a he, despite what the nearsighted doctor first told my mom on September 25, 1975. But de facto Fleetwood Mac leader Lindsey Buckingham was the source of the studio-altered “female” vocals on the Mac’s 1987 hit “Big Love,” so it’s not like I’m operating without precedent here. Please enjoy my Sheryl Crow impression, and if it still sounds like Christine McVie, then there must be something wrong with your subwoofer.
Sometimes it’s good to live in the metro area of a big city. Sure, you have to deal with heavy traffic, the lack of parking, crowds, high prices for goods, and the all the other less-than-attractive trappings of urban life — but those pale in comparison to the plethora of musical acts who come to your neck of the woods as a destination and not a place to fill up as they make their way “somewhere else.”
Such is the case with the Noise Pop Festival in San Francisco. The mix of local, national, and international indie acts from the world of music, film and art is one of those events that’s gotten bigger and bigger since its inception in 1993, when Overwhelming Colorfast (a band that I’m familiar with, since I went to high school with two of its members — yeah, I just name-dropped like a gushing celebrity groupie) was featured.
And now? Well, have a listen to six of this year’s featured bands and/or singers.
“Love is a Stranger,” Martha Wainwright (download)
Last year I did a mix featuring scions of famous musical acts and I believe it was David Medsker who wondered why I didn’t have Rufus Wainwright in the mix. When I told him I just couldn’t stand his music, he may have grumbled a more profane version of “philistine” under his breath and went on with his day. However! I have to say that the smokey vocals of Rufus’ sister had me hooked right away. Martha’s cover of “Love Is a Stranger” by Eurythymics has made something abundantly clear to those who just kind of forgot: this song is by far the best track on Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This). Now it’s not necessarily the best track on Martha’s album, but it sure was a pleasant surprise when I first heard it. (more…)
The mayoral election is only 11 days away, and if the endless online chatter here in Bootleg City is any indication, voter turnout is sure to break all kinds of records! Keep in mind, of course, that if you break any and all kinds of vinyl records within the city limits, you’ll be shot on sight by Lindsey Buckingham. I’m sorry, but I can’t control that animal.
(2001)
(2003)
(2004)
(1991)
(2008)
(1997)
(2007)
(1973)
(1996)
(1972)
(1992)
I’m not sure if you’re aware, but this weekend marks my first anniversary writing for Popdose. I can’t believe it’s been a year already! I also can’t believe I haven’t run out of movies to write about yet. Pretty soon I’m going to have to remake some of my earlier posts with younger, more modern (you know, shittier) words.
Of course! Who better to scare the crap out of criminals than the man who followed up Law and Order with Go Insane? Here in America we can’t get enough of “maverick cops” who have trouble “playing by the rules” and are willing to risk “life and limb” to nab the bad guys, possibly because they’re “mentally unstable” or just plain “suicidal,” and years down the road may end up making “anti-Semitic comments” to arresting officers while “hammered out of their gourds on Cazadores tequila” behind the wheel of an automobile. In order to catch the bad guys, you have to think like the bad guys, but sometimes that means you end up talking and even acting like the bad guys. But isn’t it worth all the apologetic “Whoopsy!” meetings with rabbis and the stints in rehab and the worldwide public condemnation if it eventually translates to some face time with Diane Sawyer?
[12"] (1986)
(1972)
(1998)
(2006)
(1980)
(2004)
(1972)
(2002)
(2002)
(1996)
(2007)
(1988)
(1988)
