Welcome back, everyone, to yet another latest edition of CHART ATTACK! As you know, we take the good charts with the bad charts ’round here. Two weeks ago, we covered a pretty stellar week from 1980. This week? Well, while we have some strong tunes this week, there are also some clunkers, too. Check ‘em out as we attack October 19, 1991!
10. Love…Thy Will Be Done — Martika 9. Can’t Stop This Thing We Started — Bryan Adams 8. Everybody Plays the Fool — Aaron Neville 7. I Adore Mi Amor — Color Me Badd 6. Good Vibrations — Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch Featuring Loleatta Holloway 5. Something to Talk About — Bonnie Raitt 4. Hole Hearted — Extreme 3. Romantic — Karyn White 2. Do Anything — Natural Selection Featuring Niki Haris 1. Emotions — Mariah Carey
You’ll be forgiven if you don’t remember this song — I know I don’t have no recollection of ever hearing it on the radio. “Toy Soldiers” might be the only song you remember of Martika’s (perhaps helped by Eminem’s sample of it in his 2005 song “Like Toy Soliders”), but she also reached #18 with “More Than You Know” and #25 with her cover of “I Feel the Earth Move,” in addition to peaking here at #10 with this song. You’ll also be forgiven if you knew this song but had no clue it was actually sung by Martika, since she sounds nothing like she did on “Toy Soldiers.” No, she sounds like she’s been taken hostage and forced to sing this song exactly the way someone else wants her to sing it…wait a minute, this song was written by Prince! Story checks out!
So yes, it’s true — for a brief, shining moment, Martika was a Prince Girl, which I think is something like being a Bond Girl but with a lot more patchouli. And she does a fine job with this song, although anybody really could’ve sung it; in fact,parts of her vocal are reminiscent of the Prince/Madonna “Love Song” duet from Like a Prayer. Musically, the song itself is a bore — the bass and drums are static throughout — but somehow ends up being oddly compelling. Prince created his own mix of the song (available on Martika’s greatest hits collection, which I double-dog dare you to buy), and he’s performed it live himself, too — our buddy (and diehard Prince fan) Pete from Ickmusic has gifted us with this version from 3/8/95, live from The Astoria in London. It’s just drums and bass until the three-and-a-half minute mark, but after that, we get a pretty good vocal from Prince. I’d say I prefer Martika’s original, but still, it’s pretty cool to have. Thanks, Pete!
Curious what Tika’s up to these days? Well, she hasn’t released an album as “Martika” since this one, 1991’s Martika’s Kitchen, but she’s released two albums with her husband, Michael Mozart (I don’t know if that’s his real name, and I don’t care) as part if the group Oppera. And more recently, she’s going by the stage name Vita Edit and starring as “Lolly Pop” in a web series entitled j8ded. Mozart is in it too, billed as Michael Daemon. Martika, how the hell did you wind up being stranger than Prince?
By the way, don’t be surprised if this song is in your head all day. I keep singing it to myself, but I replace the word “love” with random one-syllable words, like “scones” and “balls.” (more…)
This is something we’ve been talking about doing for a long time — in fact, we really thought we’d be debuting the Popdose Podcast over a year ago. It wasn’t until we were finally able to trick our friend Dave Lifton into shuttering his long-running and wildly popular Wings for Wheels series that our plans came together — with the technical savvy necessary to edit our nonsensical jabbering into pure audio entertainment, and a strong enough personality to keep the entire podcast from dissolving into a giggling fit of mom jokes, Dave was the crucial final ingredient we were waiting for all along.
So open up your pod, baby, and let us in — and remember, this is only our debut. Even television classics like According to Jim didn’t enjoy their finest moments until they’d had a little time to hit their stride, and you have no idea what we have in store for you during the coming months. (Note: neither do we.) Like what you hear? Hate it? Drop us a line in the comments and let us know. And now, without further ado…
The Popdose Podcast, Episode 1: Donkey Eatin’ a Pony (1:09:49, 64.9 MB), featuring Jeff Giles, Jason Hare, and Dave Lifton. You can also subscribe to the podcast’s RSS feed.
38:20 Jason Hare credits Terje Fjelde’s awesome Popdose podcast contributions, then discusses Mariah Carey appearing on Oprah and covering Foreigner. Digressions continue into Mariah’s “All I Want for Christmas is You,” Journey, The Saw Lady, and Wing.
54:31 Popdose Endorsements (official title yet to be determined; offer your suggestions in the comments!): Jeff endorses fun. (song clip: “Benson Hedges”)
57:06 Popdose Endorsements: Dave endorses Robbie Fulks (song clip: “Papa Was A Steel-Headed Man”)
Mariah Carey’s last album, 2008’s E=MC², marked the spot where she broke Elvis Presley’s record for Number One singles by a solo artist — and it also boasted the biggest opening-week sales of her career — but it also ran out of steam pretty quickly, petering out after being certified double platinum, a pretty steep comedown after selling 10 million copies of 2005’s The Emancipation of Mimi. Carey has, in other words, a thing or two to prove with Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel — which is the situation she’s been in pretty much since 2001’s Glitter imploded in what seemed at the time to be a career-destroying cloud of ice cream and cleavage. She has, to her credit, done an outstanding job of staying relevant in the post-Top 40, post-TRL, and largely post-record industry world, even at the much-ballyhooed expense of everything that made her music special in the first place; she has, in fact, reached the point where the splash surrounding every new album is just as important as its musical contents. She’s an artist who’s famous largely because she’s famous — sort of the MTV equivalent of Charo, albeit with a much stronger set of pipes, not that you’d really know it from listening to anything on Memoirs. (more…)
Hi, everybody! Welcome back to another edition of CHART ATTACK! So I’m assuming that every single one of you sat at your computers two Fridays ago, furiously refreshing my Twitter page to follow my exciting adventures at the Jack Wagner concert. What? You didn’t? You guys are jerks. That’s the last time I invite you to…watch me do something. Well, here it is in a nutshell: my two-hour drive wound up taking five hours in the rain and traffic. I showed up halfway through the show, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. I shouted for “Right Here Waiting” when he asked for requests and Jeff hit me. Then, he played “All I Need,” and…well, if you haven’t read it already, check out Jeff’s awesome account of the evening.
Anyway, last time we met here, we covered a summer week in 1992. I was convinced there were better weeks within the decade to be found. Let’s see if you agree — here’s the chart for the week ending August 18, 1990!
I’m having a serious debate with myself right now. Do I admit to you that I really like this song a lot? That if it comes on the Lite-FM radio station, I totally won’t turn it off? And after that, do I admit to you that the first compact disc I ever owned was the Pretty Woman soundtrack, followed by Richard Marx’s Repeat Offender? Because if I tell you these things, you might think less of me, and I don’t want you to think less of me. So okay, I won’t tell you. Problem solved.
Go West, consisting of Richard Drummie and Peter Cox, was formed in England in 1982. Although they had a number of hits in their native country, the duo literally hovered around the Top 40 before 1990: “We Close Our Eyes” reached #41 (you can find out more about the single by checking out either Popdose series White Label Wednesday or Bottom Feeders) and “Don’t Look Down — The Sequel” reached #39, leading me to wonder how anybody hits the Top 40 with the word “sequel” in the title. (Only one other artist has done it — if you know who, shout it out in the comments!) It wasn’t until veteran A&R exec and producer Ron Fair included the song on the Pretty Woman soundtrack that Go West received their moment in the spotlight. “King” peaked at #8 and received an ASCAP award as well. You may recall one other Go West song, “Faithful,” aka “King of Wishful Thinking — The Sequel,” which reached #14 in 1992. Both songs were written by Drummie and Cox in collaboration with Martin Page, the man behind “In the House of Stone and Light.” Go West are still together, although Peter Cox has released a few solo albums — including one that contains his cover of “What a Fool Believes.”
9. Cradle of Love — Billy Idol
If you were watching MTV in the early part of the decade, surely you remember the huge news of Billy Idol’s motorcycle accident: in February of 1990, Idol ran a red light while on his Harley and was hit by a car. He almost lost his right leg; he wound up having a steel rod inserted instead. Billy’s album, Charmed Life and the single, “Cradle of Love,” ended up serving as “comeback” releases for him. They might have been determined as such anyway, as he hadn’t released a truly new album since 1986’s Whiplash Smile and hadn’t released a single since 1987’s live version of “Mony Mony,” from the remix album Vital Idol. The hype surrounding his return to the industry, coupled with inclusion in an overrated movie (The Adventures of Ford Fairlaine) and a tremendously hot video (directed by David Fincher) all helped the song reach #2 in early August. Billy hasn’t reached the Top 40 since then.
Now here’s the bad news: Billy lost two movie roles as a result of his accident. You may have heard about the first one — his role in Oliver Stone’s The Doors was significantly reduced since he couldn’t really walk. But the second role he lost?
I’m not kidding you. Billy Idol was James Cameron’s first choice to play T-1000 in Terminator 2. It’s totally true!
8. Have You Seen Her — M.C. Hammer
Okay, look. I understand that “U Can’t Touch This” was a huge hit. I’d even call it a deservedly huge hit. It’s awesome. The only thing wrong with it is that it gave Rick James more money for blow. But just because one song is a hit doesn’t automatically mean that every song after it should be given a free pass. This song is just terrible. Absolutely terrible. And even worse, it reached #4, beating “U Can’t Touch This” by four spots. How does “Have You Seen Her” beat “U Can’t Touch This”? This is bullshit. I’m glad he went broke.
I’m not just randomly bitching here. I can back this up.
Jason’s Top Three Reasons Why “Have You Seen Her” Sucks(more…)
Casual observers of this series have probably wondered, more than once, why I’m bothering to track those rock-era singles that, like a dolphin rejected from Sea World, couldn’t quite jump through the brass ring. After all, who really cares about chart placements? And isn’t Number Two practically as good as Number One, particularly when everybody’s making so much money? But if there’s one decade that proves why this stuff is vitally important … to somebody, at least … it’s the ’90s.
To put it simply, the Billboard Hot 100 charts of that decade were messed up. (I put it somewhat less than simply in a long-winded column last year.) The pop radio format split in two, resulting in charts that rarely reflected anybody’s actual listening experience. Major labels stopped manufacturing singles for many artists (mostly white ones) in an effort to sell more albums, which resulted in huge radio hits that never qualified for the Hot 100. The advent of precise technology for measuring retail sales and radio airplay resulted in singles topping the charts and staying … and staying … and staying. And as I discussed last week, superstars like Michael Jackson, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston and Boyz II Men were so desperate to top the charts, and keep up with the competition, that they conspired with their labels to withhold the retail releases of their new singles until the songs peaked at radio, then flooded the marketplace with discounted product to ensure #1 chart debuts.
As a result of these and other, more random developments, the #2 singles of the ’90s were a fascinating bunch. There were huge hits that were simply blocked by huger ones, and great songs that stalled behind ones whose popularity now leaves us scratching our heads. There were oldies that re-emerged after decades, and the two longest-running chart hits of all time (for the moment). So away we go – and, as always, at the end of the column I’ll list some additional singles that were stranded at third base so we can argue which ones most deserved to score.
11. (tie) “Right Here, Right Now,”Jesus Jones; “P.A.S.S.I.O.N.,” Rhythm Syndicate; “Every Heartbeat,” Amy Grant; “It Ain’t Over Til It’s Over,” Lenny Kravitz; and “Fading Like a Flower (Every Time You Leave),”Roxette. What do these wildly disparate singles have in common? They all were blocked from the top spot during the summer of ’91 by the same song, Bryan Adams’ treacly Robin Hood anthem “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You.” (It was the first of three Adams soundtrack singles – all of them god-awful, in my opinion – to top the charts during the ’90s.) Adams spent seven weeks at #1 while holding off five different competitors – the highest number of second-place finishers thwarted by the same single since Percy Faith’s “Theme from A Summer Place” was #1 in 1960. The only one of the five to earn a second week at #2 was – surprise – “P.A.S.S.I.O.N.” In honor of that fact – and because its video is the only one of the five to feature fire (fire! fire!), scantily clad dancers and an atrocious white-boy rap — I’m happy to showcase it here. (more…)
Happy Friday and welcome to another edition of CHART ATTACK! So last time we met here to dissect a Billboard chart, it was a Top 10 from 1971, and I got my ass handed to me by readers who (rightfully) corrected me on a million small errors I made (okay, okay, it was a Tony Orlando impersonator, not Tony Orlando! I’m sorry!). So this week, to try and save face, I thought I’d fast-forward ahead 20 years to a chart you probably don’t care about. That being said, if I botched something here, keep it to yourself let me know. Sit back and try to enjoy our journey back to March 16, 1991!
Anybody remember Tara Kemp? She had two singles in the Top 10, this one (which peaked at #3) and “Piece of My Heart,” which reached #7. This song vaguely rang a bell, but I’m not sure why: it really doesn’t have anything original going for it. It never changes chords and the drum beat seems as it was ripped off of Soul II Soul. Even worse, the song has quite a few irritating qualities. Let’s start with the “oh, whoa” that is clearly supposed to be the clever hook of the song.
Then let’s build on that with a synth riff that my dog could have written.
Then, let’s take the part where Tara breaks it down with some funky singing.
What the hell is that yelp at the beginning? On its own, it’s actually quite creepy. Imagine being married to Tara Kemp and hearing this whenever you forgot to take out the garbage.
And yet…at 2 A.M. last night, I couldn’t get “Hold You Tight” out of my head.
9. Where Does My Heart Beat Now — Celine Dion
I’m not gonna lie to you: I owned this album. I bought it after I heard her knock her vocal in “Voices That Care” out of the park. And although I only listened to it once and I don’t remember any of other songs, I’ll step up and defend this one. I think it’s a strong ballad and was a great choice to introduce Celine to the American audience: the single went to #4 and became the first of her ten Top 10 singles. And here’s a surprise for you (and me): this single was not produced by David Foster!
You were all expecting me to rip Celine apart, right? I can’t do it. I know it’s the popular thing to do, but I can’t really find any reason to dislike her. She has a fantastic voice, and she gives your mom a reason to still buy music. That should be enough right there, but if it’s not, you should watch this video (if you haven’t already). It’s obviously trying to be snarky, but I think it kind of fails in that regard.
A friend of mine told me I needed a severe attitude adjustment. At first, I didn’t know what she was talking about: “What’s wrong with my attitude?”
“You’re the only person in this room not having fun,” she said. She was right. We were in the midst of a typical Friday night crowd at the local watering hole. I don’t drink, but I don’t think that had any bearing on my state of mind and, if anything, if I was a drinker my negative view of the situation probably would have been worse, not better. On the stage, which seemed to be the size of a backyard pool’s diving board, was a cover band. Not just any cover band, mind you, but an ’80s hair metal band, complete with poofy, sprayed-up manes held together with gypsy-print bandannas and the whole “we are gonna Rock YUH” schtick — I think the lead singer even did Axl’s snake shake a couple of times.
And the audience ate it up. No question that the booze was indeed flowing, so there was a degree of liquid indoctrination happening, but their momentary adoration was not completely fueled by firewater. And here’s the thing: in spite of the inherent cheesiness of trotting out Europe’s “The Final Countdown” like it was something worth trotting, the band could play. The singer could sing. It wasn’t like they were incapable, so why were they leaning on the crutches of Winger, Poison and Slaughter?
Weeks before, I mentioned to someone that the only time karaoke is really fun is when the participants are drunk. Look, there’s a little truth to that, isn’t there? I barely can handle listening to the real Mariah Carey sing, so why would I get any pleasure out of listening to an amateur imitating her competently? Stumbling for words and attempting to reach those hellspawned high notes until her poor little head nearly burst like a festering zit…well, that might be more entertaining. Still, that was a snipe there, and in retrospect I realize that maybe I do need an attitudinal chiropractor to wrench my crap back into alignment and help me not be such an old, opinionated crank.
I’ve met people in cover bands over the years, and even though many have been of the “Du-ude!” variety, they had a clear notion of where they were on the entertainment totem pole, and where they weren’t, meaning that few harbored illusions of becoming stars in their own right. One once said to me, “I’m not here to be a rock star, I’m here to channel a rock star. People don’t come here to see me if they come at all for the music. They come to see through me to whoever and whatever I’m singing tonight.” It was a very honest statement, a knowing statement. This guy worked at a mortgage firm at the time, before the term ‘mortgage firm’ had the same effect as ‘baby killer.’ Deskside number-crunching was what paid the bills, and he knew it. Saturday night at the beachfront joint with the tiki lounge was for fun, it was escape, and it was a brief moment for this guy to think about the might-have-beens. (more…)
Mainstream Rock: The Who, “You Better You Bet” (1981)
Zack Dennis: Every time I get hooked in by Pete Townsend’s synthesizers, I feel kind of silly. And yet it always happens. While I’d rather listen to the entirety of Quadrophenia rather than any particular single by the Who, the singles almost universally have the capacity to cheer me up and this one is no exception.
Jason Hare: I’m on a lot of Who discussion groups, and Face Dances is generally regarded at the band’s worst studio album — ranked worse than ’82’s It’s Hard — but I quite like it. Perhaps Bill Szymczyk (you know how hard it is to Google that name when you don’t know how to spell it?) wasn’t the best producer for The Who (just as Kenney Jones wasn’t the best choice of drummer), but he helped them create a sound that accurately heralded in The Who 2.0, post Keith Moon. “You Better You Bet” is a ridiculously stupid song but I love it anyway. I love how Pete’s vocals are omnipresent, and Roger sings with fantastic attitude that, for one of the first times, just doesn’t translate to “I’m angry.” (See just about any track from Who Are You).
Ted Asregadoo: Man, I loved this song when it came out — and then I bought the cassette and wanted to return it because I thought someone was playing a joke on me. I mean, yeah, there was this gem and “Another Tricky Day,” but what about everything in between? I thought some smelly socks idiot at the mastering lab dubbed in a bunch of songs from … well, I had no idea where because, to me, it wasn’t the Who singing “Cache Cache” and the other forgettable songs, it was some group who sounded like the Who trying to foist dung on me while calling it prime rib. But hey, who doesn’t love Townshend missing his vocal cue and smiling at his mistake?
Dw. Dunphy: I was as surprised as anyone when longtime Eagles producer Bill Szymczk ended up as the Who’s choice for Face Dances. Yet when you backtrack, it actually makes a little sense. Leaving their comfy home of MCA Records, this was their first Warners release, all old-timers were feeling pinched to prove they still could turn the charts their way and they had the huge hurdle of overcoming Keith Moon’s death. Of course a “hitmaker” was called in, and this is exactly what was expected. “You Better You Bet” is bouncy, snarly, a little dirty and has major hookitude. Townshend employed most of those same hooks on the superior “Let My Love Open The Door.” (more…)
… In which we take a twice-monthly look at the top ten of one of Billboard magazine’s many singles charts. This week: the Hot 100!
1. Leona Lewis, “Bleeding Love” (J)
Honestly, I’m torn. On the one hand, I honestly believe there’s an art to crafting a heartfelt, yet perfectly inoffensive, midtempo ballad — and if the vocalist can get it across without suffering a melismatic meltdown, so much the better. On the other hand, “Bleeding Love” was co-written by Ryan Tedder, frontman for the terrible OneRepublic, so I’m pretty sure common decency requires me to hate it. Sorry, Leona! I would say “better luck next time,” but I’ve heard the rest of your album, and I know there wouldn’t be any point.
2. Lil Wayne feat. Static Major, “Lollipop” (Universal Motown)
I love “Lollipop,” and let me tell you why: Lil Wayne’s migraine-inducing “singing” here surely represents the final shark-jumping of the vocoder effect that the kids apparently can’t get enough of. It’s barely a song, but if it kills this trend dead, it deserves a Grammy. (more…)
Actor Jack McBrayer (Kenneth on NBC’s 30 Rock) e-mailed me recently, panic-stricken and possibly sweaty. He was convinced that the recent writers’ strike had made people forget who he was. “But Jack,” I said, “the last new episode of 30 Rock aired in January, and the next new episode airs Thursday, April 10, 8:30 Eastern, 7:30 Central. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”
“The public is fickle, Robert — I have to get my face back out there.”
“But you’re in Mariah Carey’s new video for ‘Touch My Body,’” I reminded him. “I saw it advertised on VH1 at the end of February, and I watched it on YouTube just the other day. Don’t worry. Everything’ll be alright.”
Unfortunately, nothing I said could calm him down. But four hours and a couple hundred e-mails later, Jack and I came up with a solution that would please everyone — a Popdose e-mail interview. Hooray! My work here is done. Well, except for the actual interview.
Jack and I grew up in the same town — Macon, Georgia — but when he was 15, his family moved to Conyers, Georgia, the home of Holly Hunter and a scorching outbreak of syphilis back in the ’90s. After graduating from the University of Evansville in Indiana in 1995, Jack moved to Chicago and studied improv and sketch comedy at the Second City and ImprovOlympic Theater (now known as iO). He was hired for the Second City Touring Company in ‘97, and two years later he was a writer-performer on the Second City e.t.c. stage. In 2002 he moved to New York City and began making regular appearances on Late Night With Conan O’Brien in various roles.
Jack’s next move was to Los Angeles in 2004, where he played a waiter on two episodes of the late, great sitcom Arrested Development, continued improvising at iO West, and in 2006 costarred in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, followed closely by his breakout role as Kenneth the NBC page on the 2007 Emmy winner for best comedy series, 30 Rock. On April 18 he stars in the latest Judd Apatow-produced comedy, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, in which he plays the newlywed husband of Maria Thayer (Strangers With Candy).
Before Jack and his family moved to Conyers, he and I shared good times and youthful lung capacity in the Macon Boys’ Choir during the 1984-’85 school year. Unfortunately, I don’t think we talked to each other that much, seeing as how he was a sixth grader and I was a third grader. Nevertheless, my first question for the southern scene stealer was …
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Casual observers of 
A friend of mine told me I needed a severe attitude adjustment. At first, I didn’t know what she was talking about: “What’s wrong with my attitude?”
“But you’re in Mariah Carey’s new video for ‘Touch My Body,’” I reminded him. “I saw it advertised on VH1 at the end of February, and I watched it on YouTube just the other day. Don’t worry. Everything’ll be alright.”