There are just a few days left of Mellowmas, and our brave hosts have trudged their way through 27 soul cakes so far this season — as have you, dear readers. Frankly, we’re exhausted — and we know there’s only one man who can offer us a brief, shining light during this awful holiday.
Jason: Ahhh, Michael McDonald. Love of my life.
Jeff: Patron saint of Popdose.
Jason: I don’t think we covered any McD last year, did we? I think we did four songs in a row a couple years ago.
Jeff: I don’t think so. I know we did a bunch one year, because you wouldn’t rest until we found a good one.
Jason: That’s right. And I did! That cover of “Deck the Halls/Jingle Bells” was fantastic!
Jeff: I remember him singing one song in some kind of weird alien bayou tongue.
Jason: “Christmas on the Bayou”!
Jeff: That would probably be the one!
Jason: I remember. You said “Lay zay long go mong boulay?” and I thought it was the best thing you said all year.
Jeff: I’m not sure whether or not to take that as a compliment.
Jason: I’m happy to see McD this year. It means there might actually be some good music this Mellowmas. Other than Lady Gaga, of course.
Jeff: Yeah, maybe, although I’m getting pretty annoyed with his endless series of Christmas albums.
Jason: I was just going to mention that. I think this is maybe his third or fourth?
Jeff: I mean, this one isn’t even new songs. It’s mostly old stuff.
Jason: I know. It’s kind of bullshit. There are some new tracks on this one, however.
Jeff: On the other hand, these Christmas albums seem to be the only time he ever really works with a live band anymore. Which makes no fucking sense at all to me, but whatever.
Jason: And barely. Did you see him on The Tonight Show?
Jeff: He was rockin’ the uke! That’s all kinds of wrong!
Jason: He sang “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and GOT THE FIRST VERSE WRONG. How do you fuck up “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”? Actually, I guess that’s a question more for David Archuleta.
Jeff: I guess that part of his brain was erased by the second verse of “Sweet Freedom”?
Jason: Love that song. But don’t let me get off-topic. Because I’ll praise McD all day. You know I will.
Jeff: Topic: McD, ripoff artist.
Jason: There’s a duet on this album.
Jeff: With his daughter, Scarlett Johansson.
Jason: …his daughter is Scarlett Johansson??
Jeff: Just fucking with you.
Jason: Goddammit!
Jeff: That would be pretty awesome, though. It would also explain her voice.
Jason: I mean, I’ve always dreamed of having McD as a father-in-law, but I figured that’d be the only benefit.
Jeff: I’m watching a video of him on Soundstage right now, and he’s playing the uke here, too. When did McD turn into Don Ho?
Jason: Right after those Motown commercials.
Jeff: I guess that’d do it.
Jason: Now I want to hear McD doing “Tiny Bubbles.”
Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! With Auto-Tune!
Jason: Yes! So this song is a duet with his daughter Scarlett McDonald, right?
Jeff: Yeah, what’s it called?
Jason: “Yah Mo Be There.”
Jeff: Ah, right. A holiday classic. Now I want to hear McD pulling a Tommy Tutone.
Jason: God forbid.
Jeff: “I Keep Forgettin’ (What You Wanted This Year)”
Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! “Present By Present.”
Jeff: What a fool belieeeeeeeeeeeeeves…he sees…come slidin’ down the chimney!
Jason: I love it! “What a Fool Believes” with sleigh bells!
Jeff: “Santa Is Just All Right”! “Takin’ It to the North Pole”!
Jason: Ha ha ha ha!
Jeff: Would the Doobie Brothers finally snap and murder him?
Jason: And throw away all that perfectly good Michael McDonald royalty money? I don’t think so.
Jeff: Plus, he makes a great Santa at the Doobies holiday party.
Jason: Giving Jeff “Skunk” Baxter a lump of coal, year after year. But anyway, today’s song. See, I told you not to let me go off-topic! You know I can just riff on McD all day!
Jeff: Right, right, the song.
Jason: “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.” A duet with Scarlett McDonald. Which is kind of a funny name.
Jeff: Heh. Most names ending in McDonald are probably pretty funny, I think.
Jason: She’s the daughter of Michael McDonald and Amy Holland, so I imagine she sounds great.
Jeff: And probably has a great beard, too!
Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Michael McDonald with Scarlett McDonald — I’ll Be Home For Christmas (download)
From This Christmas 
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Had director Garry Marshall consulted me during the postproduction editing stage of Pretty Woman, the film would have ended with Julia Roberts’ lovable hooker Vivian being driven away from the Beverly Wilshire to the strains of Roxette’s “It Must Have Been Love”. We would also have seen the wonderfully empty Richard Gere’s emotionally distant corporate raider Edward standing on a Wilshire balcony, mourning the loss of the only woman he ever truly loved, or at least the only one he ever paid three grand to fuck for a week.
I know, I know: Who? Well, I’ll tell you, but first I’ll answer the question that many New Yorkers might have right now: no, Greg is not related to 
Thirty-one years ago this week, the Doobie Brothers released the single that perfectly meshed their original boogie-rock style with the keyboard-heavy R&B that Michael McDonald brought to the table. It would go on to reach Number One on the Billboard Hot 100 and win Grammy Awards for both Record and Song of the Year.
