Posts Tagged ‘Miss USA Pageant’

Political Culture: The Palin-Prejean Connection

One of them reached the grandest stage in her profession by virtue of her charm and very-good looks, only to be judged harshly upon that stage for her ignorance and her intolerance. Despite her second-place finish, she earned a new constituency that was far more adoring (and, potentially, much more lucrative) than her old one. In the end, she found herself distracted by the glittering promise of a new career as a celebrity moral scold, to the point where she could no longer be bothered to fulfill her obligations in the lofty yet insufficiently high-profile position she had already attained.

The other one, it turns out, is Carrie Prejean.

Now that summer’s here and her Miss California crown is gone, this year’s spring queen of “opposite marriage” finds herself playing Miss Congeniality in the headlines to another, even kookier Christian-right hottie. Sarah Palin’s sudden, “I-don’t-wanna-be-governor-anymore” cri de coeur of last week caught the political world by surprise, but it really shouldn’t have; for months now, Alaskans seem to have sensed that there was no way they could keep her down on the farm after she’d seen Paree. (I suppose the reference works better if you substitute “frozen tundra” for “farm” and “Bible Belt” for “Paree,” but let’s move on.) The day-to-day drudgery of running the nation’s coldest state clearly paled in comparison to the spotlight that will no doubt be trained on her for perpetuity – as long as she has the media savvy to high-tail it to the Lower 48 ASAP.

I was going to use the phrase “good sense” in place of “media savvy” in the previous sentence, but last week’s impromptu press conference seems to have closed the book once and for all on the use of the words “good sense” anywhere near “Sarah Palin.” With her ever-present props children at her side, she threw excuses at the cameras like a toddler pitching a bowl of spaghetti at the wall – not so much to see if anything sticks, but to see if anybody’s still paying attention. (more…)

Sugar Water: Running Scared From Progress

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I didn’t accomplish much in April. Now it’s May.

Oh yeah, I did ask my long-term, short-tempered girlfriend, Aimiee, to marry me, as threatened in my last Sugar Water column. And the answer was no, but don’t start crying for us just yet. See, she wants to marry me, but as she put it, “If gay couples can’t legally marry in Illinois, why should straight people like us have that right? Plus you abandoned Xing, our seven-year-old adopted Chinese son who’s actually our daughter, in Nebraska right before that safe-haven law was changed last November, which brings up a wide range of trust issues.”

See, all I have to do is convince the Illinois Supreme Court that gay marriage isn’t a threat to the moral fiber of our state — or Chicago’s chances of hosting the 2016 Summer Olympics — and Aimiee will be my wife. Of course, at the beginning of April I was pretty crushed since there seemed to be no way Illinois would legalize gay marriage, but suddenly its corn-fed neighbor Iowa was down with hot man-on-man lifelong commitment and kinky girl-on-girl sacred vows.

Yes, Iowa and Vermont accomplished something much more important in April than writing a new Sugar Water column, though they’re welcome to sub for me at any time while I watch syndicated reruns of the so-bad-it’s-good TV show Boston Legal to prepare for my Supreme Court appearance. Unfortunately, the recently canceled “dramedy” hasn’t taught me a thing about how the law actually works. William Shatner doesn’t play a starship captain on this spin-off of The Practice, but it might as well be another self-punched notch on his science-fiction belt since it’s so far removed from reality. The attorneys at Boston Legal’s fictional firm are constantly being arrested or sued, and that’s when they’re not suing each other just to kill some time. In real life you’d take your business elsewhere if it weren’t for the fact that they win 99 percent of their cases, thanks to sanctimonious courtroom speeches delivered by James Spader that employ zany one-liners and statistics from the latest issue of Newsweek in equal measure. In the final episode, which aired last December, Shatner and Spader’s characters went before the U.S. Supreme Court to defend their right to marry each other even though they’re not gay.

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