We know, we know: sure, Mellowmas is filled with Christmas dreck — but what about the Jews? Well, today, the Jews be representin’. Although after hearing this one, you may want to renounce religion altogether.
Peter, Paul & Mary — Hayo, Haya (download)
From A Holiday Celebration With the New York Choral Society Amazon iTunes
Jason: “Hayo, Haya.”
Jeff: What does that even mean?
Jason:Is this an Outkast cover?
Jeff: Ha ha ha! I hope so!
Jason: God, how awesome would that be?
Jeff: I’d love it. Let’s e-mail them and tell them to do it. Mellow Gold musicians take our advice seriously now.
Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Jeff: Shit, who let the Mormon Tabernacle Choir in here?
Jason: It’s actually the New York Choral Society.
Jeff: SPEAK ENGLISH!
Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha! Way to rip on Hebrew, Jeff!
Jeff: You can’t fool me. They’re all the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
Reign of terror?
Oh, no.
Jason: Reign of terror! Reign of terror!
Jeff: Are we back in Sarajevo, Jason?
Jason: Pain forever! Pain forever! It’s like…they’re talking about Mellowmas!
Jeff: I feel cold. This is what you guys sing about on Hanukkah? No wonder everyone likes Christmas better. Blood, terror, and Hebrew. Minor keys.
Jason: This is why nobody remembers songs by the Jews. We’re always like, “yeah, happy holiday, but don’t forget how bad it was, and how bad it could have been.”
Jeff: Burn the Torah? No! Ash and smoke!
Jason: Crushed menorah! Crushed menorah!
Jeff: Oh my G-d, this is horrible!
Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! This is why suicide rates are higher during the holidays.
Jeff: I can’t believe they performed this during a holiday concert. Why not something nice, like “Rock of Ages”? What a fucking downer! Way to go, Peter, Paul & Mary!
Jason: Hang on, I’m looking at the track list. Yeah, it’s all filled with marginally happy songs.
Jeff: This album is supposed to be some kind of classic.
Jason: But no “Here Comes Santa Claus.”
Jeff: What the fuck are you people clapping about? The burning of the Torah?
Assholes!
Jason: Reign of terror! Reign of terror!
Jeff: Oh, man. I feel like crying now.
Jason: Today you are a Jew.
Jeff: Even more than when I listen to Peter, Paul & Mary songs that aren’t this one.
Jason: I feel kind of bad ripping on Peter, Paul & Mary.
Jeff: What for?
Jason: I don’t know. It seems wrong somehow.
Jeff: I understand why you felt bad when we ripped on your friends in the Starland Vocal Band.
Jason: Yeah, I still feel bad about that one. It’s like ripping on Pete Seeger.
Jeff: No, no, no. Pete Seeger is a hero.
Jason: Peter, Paul & Mary aren’t in that boat? I thought they were.
Jeff: Peter, Paul & Mary are just three old farts who don’t know how to have a good time during the holidays. Although I do sort of wish they’d do a Christmas concert with Judy Collins. Imagine the harmonies we’d hear during “Song for Sarajevo”!
Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha! They actually had a Christmas concert at Carnegie Hall last week. My mother-in-law wanted to go. I couldn’t get tickets, believe it or not.
Jeff: It was sold out? They sold out Carnegie Hall?
Jason: Well, close. Only bad seats in the upper balcony were left.
Jeff: Good Lord.
Jason: Either they sold out or the good seats were all reserved for season ticketholders.
Jeff: Economic crisis, my ass.
Jason: I mean, it is Carnegie Hall. Hey, I wonder if they had a special appearance by the Singing Saw? Seems apropos, no?
Jeff: I can hear that, actually.
Jason: Seriously. What says “reign of terror” more than a singing saw?
Jeff: Judy, Peter, Paul & Mary, and the goddamn Singing Saw. Say, how flammable is Carnegie Hall, anyway?
Jason: And then Lee Greenwood comes out! In his stars & stripes jacket! He doesn’t actually say anything.
Jeff: No, I don’t think he would.
Jason: He just comes out, waves a flag, and leaves.
Jeff: I think he’d punch Julian Koster right in his singing saw.
Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Jeff: Man, is Lee Greenwood the best we’ve heard this year? Because it hurts me to type that.
Jason: Define “the best.”
Jeff: Ha ha ha! “Unshittiest.”
Jason: Hm.
Jeff: I think he might be.
Jason: It’s hard to say. I’ve lost all objectivity.
Jeff: We need to find this year’s Paul Carrack, and pronto.
Jason: Yeah, we may be out of luck.
Well, this was a downer, wasn’t it. Happy holidays, but DON’T YOU EVER FORGET THE REIGN OF TERROR.
Jeff: When you’re opening your gifts this year, REMEMBER THE BLOOD AND CRUSHED MENORAHS.
Jason: CRUSHED MENORAH! CRUSHED MENORAH! TRAMPLED CHILDREN! TRAMPLED CHILDREN!
Actually, I don’t think that last one is in there. But it could be, right?
Jeff: Sure! A few trampled children never hurt a song, right?
Jason: Not one like this!
Jeff: I think I heard that line in an Outkast number once, actually. Heyyyyyyyyyyy Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Jason: There are so many lines you could put in there.
BANGED YOUR MOTHER! BANGED YOUR MOTHER!
Hayo!
Haya!
Jeff:
FIND A CLINIC! FIND A CLINIC!
Hayo!
Haya!
Jason: I mean, almost anything fits. ATE A TACO! ATE A TACO!
Jeff: Except for, like, a little fucking holiday cheer. Even Al Jarreau managed that, and he was high.
Jason: Thanks a lot, Peter, Paul & Mary. I’m taking this song and sticking it in my Spyro Gyra.
Jeff: Hayo!
Jason: Haya!
