Posts Tagged ‘Rick Astley’

Cutouts Gone Wild!: Rick Astley, “Hold Me in Your Arms”

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Rick Astley – Hold Me in Your Arms (1988)
purchase this album (Amazon)

Well, do you remember Rick Astley?
He had a big, fat hit — it was ghastly
He said “I’m never gonna give you up or let you down”
Well, I’m here to tell you that Dick’s a clown
— Nick Lowe, “All Men Are Liars”

My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me? — Jesus H. Christ, Matthew 27:46

And so, at last, Cutouts Gone Wild! has come to this. Those of you who have been wondering why this series is nearing its conclusion need only look at Rick Astley’s stupid head on the cover of his stupid second album for your answer — we’re reaching the absolute fucking dregs here, people. And you know what the worst part is? At some point between when I put Hold Me in Your Arms in the CGW! on-deck circle and today, those dicks at Sony BMG went and put this album back in digital print. The physical CD is still only available used, but if you want to download mp3s of this entire wretched album, it’ll only cost you $9.90 at the Amazon mp3 store. But guess what? I don’t care. I listened to this shit in preparation for this column, but I’ll be damned if I had to go through that for nothing. You fuckers are getting a Rick Astley column today, and that’s final.

Speaking of fuckers, hey look, it’s Richard Astley. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m unusually grumpy today, but of all the crap I’ve listened to during the four years this series has been going on, I think I might hate Hold Me in Your Arms most of all. Again, I’m not entirely certain why this should be; after all, it isn’t like Astley can’t sing, or anything about his music was particularly offensive. Objectively speaking, we’ve certainly covered worse here. And yet listening to this record makes me want to hit things — preferably things shaped like Rick Astley.

You want specifics. I can tell. You aren’t going to get them here. I’ve listened to this album twice already today, and that’s enough. Everything here sounds like the same horrible song, and listening to it makes me feel like it’s the summer after eighth grade and I’m trapped inside Wet Seal in the worst mall in Hell. (more…)

Bottom Feeders: The Ass End of the ’80s, Part 4

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So, where did we leave off last week? That’s right, the kid finally got some cash money. It’s 1999, and I’m in my fifth year at the beautiful College of New Jersey. All that matters to me at the time is my radio gig at the campus station (and getting more music for it). After months of going to the used CD store and picking up greatest-hits and compilation discs for $7 each, I set a goal for myself. I was going to collect every single song that hit the top 40 in the ‘80s. Little did I know what I was getting myself into.

The day was a great one. It marked my first purchase of one of the music bibles Joel Whitburn’s Billboard Top 40 book. Today I sit here with eight of them right next to me, but back then, it was all about that one glorious book. I collected my Def Leppard and my Men at Work, but I quickly found out that the stuff that really interested me the most were the songs I hadn’t heard before. And then I realized that if I wanted to get the majority of songs in the early ‘80s, I’d have to start buying records. That’s when the collection exploded.

If you are ever near Princeton, NJ, you have to stop by the Princeton Record Exchange. It is a glorious music store. They sell a lot of DVDs today, which cuts down on the record stock, but eight or nine years ago they had a billion LPs for just a dollar. For a college student starting on a new quest, working two jobs to get by, the dollar record was the greatest thing ever. And the dollar record was my downfall into uber-geekdom.

We’ll continue talking about the steps towards my first goal, next week. But now, I present to you the final “A” artists to hit from 41-100 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts.

Ashford & Simpson
“Street Corner” 1982, #56 (download)
“Count Your Blessings” 1986, #84 (download)

You could point to their song “Solid” as the defining moment of their career as singers, and you certainly say their career is defined by writing classic songs such as “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” or “You’re All I Need to Get By,” but personally, I think they defined themselves every morning when Nickolas Ashford woke up and put the sheen in his hair. I can just picture being around Ashford in a recording booth. Every time he shakes his head you get just a bit more hair juice in your eye.

Neither of the songs we’re talking about today are “Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing,” but they do fit in decently with the decade. “Street Corner” is the better of the two songs, a nice little slab of pop-funk. “Count Your Blessings” is the last song of Nick and Valerie’s to chart and seems like it would’ve been better in 1981.

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