For all the correspondence from Uncle Donnie that we have on record (or in piles in Lev’s basement), it’s worth noting that he could, on occasion, fall out of touch with people. The trick was to reconnect with those folks before they died. Barry Gibb was one of the fortunate ones. -RS
TO: Barry Gibb
FROM: Don Skwatzenschitz
RE: Career Advice
Barry, old pal, how have you been? It’s been so long since we last saw you at your brother Robin’s birthday party in Miami—what was it, five years ago? Nine? I don’t remember much about that night, but I do recall thinking the nude caterers were a bit much. The spinach balls were lovely, though; Mitzi’s been trying to recreate them in our kitchen ever since. I tell her the nudity had nothing to do with the quality of the food, but she never listens.
Speaking of my beloved, the other night, she was watching repeats of French television (this satellite TV gets damn near everything), and came upon a performance of “To Love Somebody” by a couple singer/songwriter types, and we got into a discussion about you. You did such a good job on American Idol a couple years back (though I didn’t quite get the Dr. Zaius costume—was that supposed to be ironic?), yet never capitalized on it. That’s a shame, particularly if you want to have a place at the table in pop culture these days. With such an enormous back catalog of hits, you should be out there reminding people of your greatness, and getting new fans to bask in that greatness. I think I can help you, if you take my advice in several key areas: (more…)

F. Scott Fitzgerald once famously declared that there are no second acts in American lives. It’s a good thing that the 
