Yeah, I’m rather shocked myself, but it seems like Herr Fuhrer is YouTube’s latest viral go-to guy. The new black is “reich,” as it were.
If you have no clue, or you’re still digesting the last of Tay Zonday mania (remember him?), then you’ve been away from the Web for a long time. On the sliding scale of the Internet time-space continuum, a long time is equal to the distance between last Wednesday and the Wednesday previous to that multiplied by the rate of your Twitter tweeting frequency, wOOt, and ROFLMFAO, and cubed at the rate of EPIC FAIL.
The specific scene used in these YouTube videos comes from a 2004 German film called Der Untergang, or Downfall, as it’s known in English-speaking countries. Hitler is portrayed by Bruno Ganz in a bit of foam-frothing scenery munching, and in the specifically co-opted scene, he’s being debriefed by his staff. Much to his chagrin, bad news has been delivered. He summons all but his inner circle to leave the war room and, upon their exit, goes absolutely apeshit.
I attempted to find a word that’s more becoming of a respected writer. Something less crude. Something with more imagination and depth. But it can’t be done. Hitler goes apeshit, and that’s all there is to it. And therein lies the fun — I couldn’t find a better word, but because everyone in the film is speaking German, anyone with a video graphics program can find their own words, plop them on-screen as subtitles, and make Adolf into whatever they please.
Like (I suspect) most viewers, I wasn’t too troubled by self-recrimination at the end of Quentin Tarantino’s must-see exercise in “Jewish revenge porn,” Inglourious Basterds. (The description comes from the Jewish Daily Forward, not from me.) I wasn’t worried about Q’s preposterous deviations from history, nor was I concerned that some Jewish folks might not appreciate – indeed, might be appalled by – their forebears’ cinematic transformation from victims to vigilantes. Screw the strictures of morality, the heavy burden of humanity! The way I figure it, most people leave the theater thinking just one thing: Man, if only the Jews had been able to open up a can of whoop-ass on those damn Nat-zees – that woulda been sweet.
My wife – a (sorta) Jewess who emerged from the film similarly exhilarated, and ready to grab a baseball bat for some impromptu strip-mall justice – recovered her faculties quickly and asked to stop in at Big Box Boox (i.e., Barnes & Noble) to pick up some chick lit. So she went off to fiction and I stopped at the bestseller rack, where I was confronted by an entirely different array of “revenge porn.” The titles included Mark Levin’s “conservative manifesto” Liberty and Tyranny (which leaves some question as to where his sympathies lie), Glenn Beck’s Common Sense (the first of two oxymorons in this column), Dick Morris’ Catastrophe and Michelle Malkin’s Culture of Corruption. The latter two tomes, which see fit to pass final judgment on the new administration, were released in June and July, respectively – which, even accounting for the sped-up timeline for publishing political books, means they were written no later than March or April … before the stimulus bill had even been signed into law. (more…)
One of them reached the grandest stage in her profession by virtue of her charm and very-good looks, only to be judged harshly upon that stage for her ignorance and her intolerance. Despite her second-place finish, she earned a new constituency that was far more adoring (and, potentially, much more lucrative) than her old one. In the end, she found herself distracted by the glittering promise of a new career as a celebrity moral scold, to the point where she could no longer be bothered to fulfill her obligations in the lofty yet insufficiently high-profile position she had already attained.
The other one, it turns out, is Carrie Prejean.
Now that summer’s here and her Miss California crown is gone, this year’s spring queen of “opposite marriage” finds herself playing Miss Congeniality in the headlines to another, even kookier Christian-right hottie. Sarah Palin’s sudden, “I-don’t-wanna-be-governor-anymore” cri de coeur of last week caught the political world by surprise, but it really shouldn’t have; for months now, Alaskans seem to have sensed that there was no way they could keep her down on the farm after she’d seen Paree. (I suppose the reference works better if you substitute “frozen tundra” for “farm” and “Bible Belt” for “Paree,” but let’s move on.) The day-to-day drudgery of running the nation’s coldest state clearly paled in comparison to the spotlight that will no doubt be trained on her for perpetuity – as long as she has the media savvy to high-tail it to the Lower 48 ASAP.
I was going to use the phrase “good sense” in place of “media savvy” in the previous sentence, but last week’s impromptu press conference seems to have closed the book once and for all on the use of the words “good sense” anywhere near “Sarah Palin.” With her ever-present props children at her side, she threw excuses at the cameras like a toddler pitching a bowl of spaghetti at the wall – not so much to see if anything sticks, but to see if anybody’s still paying attention. (more…)
Last night I had a dream … of long-faded memories, and basic-cable infomercials:
Voiceover:Remember…this? John McCain: “Who is Barack Obama?”
VO:That’s right … they’re the hits you’ve come to know and love… McCain: “He believes in redistributing wealth!”
VO:Here, together, for one last time – the very best of the Republican Party, performed as only McCain-Palin can! Sarah Palin: “He’s not a man who sees America the way you and I see America.”
VO:Yes, they’re all here, all in one place, assembled just for you. You’ll get favorites like these:
(scrolling onscreen)
“That’s the extreme pro-abortion position – ‘health.’”
“We need to know the full extent of that relationship.”
“I’m very concerned that he may have anti-American views.”
“Both have friends that bombed the Pentagon…”
Palin: “…These wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America…” VO: You’ll want to act now to preserve these precious memories, because in two weeks this priceless collection of favorite GOP attacks from across the decades will be gone – and some of these hits may never come back! McCain: “His plan sounds a lot like socialism!”
VO:How much do you expect to pay for a package like this? McCain: “How about 100?” VO:Well, for two weeks only, you can have this fantastic collection on three 24-hour news channels – all for just $42.50! That’s equal to the McCain campaign’s poll numbers! McCain: “That’s not a tax cut – that’s welfare!”
(scrolling onscreen)
“…Palling around with terrorists…”
“Obama and his fellow Democrats got caught putting Hollywood above America…”
“…trying to give liberal judges the power to decide whether criminals are sent to jail or set free.”
“…legislation to teach comprehensive sex education – to kindergarteners.”
VO:So call the number on your screen now, while there’s still time! Operators are standing by… McCain: “…Maybe perpetrating one of the greatest frauds in voter history in this country, maybe destroying the fabric of democracy.”
As the McCain campaign has pulled out all the nasty rhetorical stops the last couple weeks, its desperate gasps have come to sound distinctly like a death rattle for the vaunted Republican Attack Machine. Careening from one corner to another like a punch-drunk boxer, McCain-Palin has tried (so far unsuccessfully) every counterpunch in the GOP playbook – a book that dates not just to 2000, or 1988, or even 1968, but all the way back to 1948 … or maybe even 1920. (more…)
Jon Cummings: My junior year at college I took a creative writing class in which all the students received copies of each other’s short stories and offered critiques in a roundtable format. Almost all the students were earnest, ambitious types practicing to write the Great American Novel, and most of the mistakes we made were problems of overreach – of attempting to go from zero to William Faulkner in 8 seconds. One young man, however, submitted a sweet little story that seemed to be written for – and by – an eighth grader. Its plot was simplistic, its characters were cute but vapid, its message was utterly immature – yet the whole thing was rendered successfully, as far as it went. My classmates and I sat around the table and had no idea what to say to this guy; we didn’t know for sure whether he’d really tried to write a children’s story, or whether this effort represented the full firing of his intellectual circuitry. So we gingerly danced around our critiques, piling on the patronizing praise for what he was “able to accomplish” with the “type of story he wrote.” And then, after we’d made the author feel like a winner, we dug into the next story with the kind of analytical intensity each of us would want applied to our own work.
That story pretty much sums up my feelings about tonight’s festivities. It’s a 200-word substitute for “Joe Biden was playing chess, and Sarah Palin was playing Candyland.” She announced at the outset that she wouldn’t really be participating in a debate – “I may not answer the questions the way you want me to, or the way the moderator does …” – and she proceeded to instead offer up a manic, 90-minute imitation of Dolly Parton hosting Hee-Haw, replete with winks and nose-scrunches and “darns” and “you betchas” and rambling soliloquies so full of shit the highlights in her hair faded to brown.
Neither Gwen Ifill nor Biden chose at any point to remind Palin that there were actual questions she was supposed to be answering, actual policies she was meant to be discussing. Palin’s answers were brain dumps interspersed with folksy witticisms aimed directly at the type of folks who are predisposed to want a know-nothing hockey mom rather than a dedicated public servant living in the Naval Observatory. Ifill and Biden didn’t seem to know what to make of this adorable bumpkin, so they carried on as though they were still taking part in something serious and Palin was merely the comic relief. (more…)
What a confluence of events this week! A few hours after this column posts, Sarah Palin takes the stage for what might turn out to be her one unscripted, real-time appearance before the American electorate. Tomorrow – speaking of “real time” – Bill Maher’s documentary Religulous will open in theaters to poke fun at (and to poke holes in) religious-fundamentalist worldviews like Palin’s. Also at the movies tomorrow: An American Carol, the first-ever right-wing political farce.
The first-ever fictional right-wing farce, that is.
And just in case you hadn’t noticed, Sept. 29-Oct. 4 is Banned Books Week – the week when the nation’s librarians hope you’ll give at least a moment’s thought to the continuing threat censorship poses to our free society. It is entirely fitting that Palin’s debate with Joe Biden should fall during Banned Books Week, since her resume includes a contemptible brush with book-banning during her term as Wasilla mayor in the mid-1990s.
Since Palin became John McCain’s running mate a month ago, I have been frustrated with the mainstream media’s refusal to pay much attention to her censorial tendencies. There have been a few back-of-the-section newspaper articles and brief mentions in Palin biographies, but few words of real outrage concerning an issue that directly reflects upon the Republican ticket’s attitude toward free expression. Even last weekend, when actor and Creative Coalition member Tim Daly mentioned it on Real Time, the panel failed to discuss it at length – perhaps because the subject didn’t offer fellow guest Ralph Nader yet another opportunity to rail incoherently against the major-party candidates’ “corporate masters.”
Nevertheless, Daly was on target when he identified the censorship incident as a disqualifying offense. Indeed, I consider it not only a firing offense for Palin, but for McCain as well, for tolerating (much less choosin as a running mate) someone who would so blatantly undermine the Constitution that the president swears on a Bible to uphold. (more…)
John McCain and Sarah Palin enjoy a light moment on the campaign trail, between feedings.
From yesterday’s New York Times: “Laura Chase, the campaign manager during Ms. Palin’s first run for mayor in 1996, recalled the night the two women chatted about her ambitions. ‘I said, ‘You know, Sarah, within 10 years you could be governor,’ Ms. Chase recalled. ‘She replied, ‘I want to be president.’”
The current breathless “Sarah Palin Watch” going on in the mainstream and not-so-mainstream media is one of those political phenomena where the accuracy of her claims doesn’t really matter to those outside the chattering class. That’s because it’s not so much what she says as the image she projects. But that image has to project a certain something with keywords directed to the political base and swing voters (at this point in the game, swing voters are about 21% of the electorate and they have a high opinion of both McCain/Palin and Obama/Biden).
If you had a chance to see Palin’s big debut at the Republican convention, it’s clear she can throw a punch with a red meat speech written for her. However, one thing that’s not too clear (well, not to casual political watchers) is Palin’s inside-the-Beltway political tactics regarding allegations of abuse of power as governor of Alaksa. The so-called “Troopergate” scandal (can we get away from attaching “gate” to political scandals?), and her behind-the-scenes maneuverings to gum up the investigation give us a glimpse of what a McCain administration would be like if Sarah is part of the day-to-day business of governing in the White House. However, because Republicans are masters at changing the political narrative, we’ll have to wait to see how this plays out in the future. In the meantime, it’s an out-and-out hard sell for the hearts and minds of swing voters.
The latest polling indicates that 42% of the electorate are committed to Barack Obama, and 37% are committed to John McCain, so now you see what the game is: make sure your base of support is motivated to show up on voting day, and lure as many swing voters as you can. The 5% difference in committed votes between the candidates means they have to hustle and speak to those who are on the fence. What do the fence sitters want to hear the candidates talk about? The expression “It’s the economy, stupid” is pretty much front and center. Forget “Hockey mom,” or “Executive experience” for swing voters; candidates have to convince them that they can address their concerns.
What are swing voters concerned about? Pretty much the same thing as the majority of the electorate: (more…)
In Mike Judge’s 1999 comedy Office Space, its protagonist Peter Gibbons (Ron Livingston) is described by the downsizing consultants as a “straight shooter with upper management written all over him.” It’s a gross misjudgment on the part of the consultants, as Peter’s casual demeanor charmed them much the way that George W. Bush was able to charm almost half the voters of the United States of America the following year. Peter’s boss, the endlessly imitated Bill Lumbergh (Gary Cole), is a lousy manager himself, but he’s driven by enough of a sense of self-preservation to disagree with them, explaining that Peter isn’t the caliber of person they want in upper management, and that “he’s also been having some problems with his TPS reports.”
Satire is Mike Judge’s strongest suit, and the disintegration of American society into various facets of stupidity is a topic he confronted more broadly in his following film, Idiocracy (2006). But the focus in Office Space was much sharper, where work life in general was the target, but the workplace managers came under the heaviest fire. Playing a cameo as the manager of Chotchkie’s, Mike Judge himself is willing to step in as the target of ridicule, repeatedly castigating Peter’s girlfriend Joanna (Jennifer Aniston) for her insistence on wearing the minimum number of pieces of flair. It’s meaningless minutiae such as this that are clearly a source of such exasperation for Judge; cover sheets on TPS reports and pieces of flair are not important to how a business functions, and are a waste of time for management to concern themselves with.
An Open Letter to Hurricane Gustav
By Ted Asregadoo
Damn you, Gustav! I mean, how could you have the audacity to downgrade from a Category 3 to the Category 2 and not hit New Orleans practically straight on –like Katrina did? Didn’t you watch the video the RNC put together to reassure the Gulf Coast (i.e., the Republican base) that Republicans were “on it”? Didn’t you see Rick Perry in front of “Texas Task Force One” looking us in the face and saying, “Taking care of citizens … it’s what we do”? I know, it was hard not to snicker, but I bit my lip hard and made myself forget how much “care” Republicans heaped on those who survived your friend Katrina.
Have you no heart not to point your fury at the Big N.O. and fill that bathtub to the overflow point? I mean, Bob Riley of Alabama was appealing to the better angels of our nature and telling us that our values like honor, courage, and dedication will lead to a recovery, but only if you leveled the place! And have you no decency, Gustav? At long last, have you no decency, sir? Because if you did, you would know that Charlie Crist of Florida said that through tragedy we will see an increase in self-sacrifice and the spirit of helping one another. Haley Barbour “felt” our prayers and has seen firsthand the outpouring of charity in the aftermath of tragedy. And it’s through those tragedies will we see the “partnerships” that form between the Federal and state governments.
Gustav, didn’t you know that it was because of you that we were all going to put on our “American hats, ” roll up our sleeves and get the job done? Since you didn’t fulfill your role as a “Lucifer’s Hammer,” it’s going to be tougher for Republicans to stick to their revised narrative of “Serving a cause greater than self-interest.” I am so disappointed in you, Gustav. So terribly disappointed. (more…)
My wife – a (sorta) Jewess who emerged from the film similarly exhilarated, and ready to grab a baseball bat for some impromptu strip-mall justice – recovered her faculties quickly and asked to stop in at Big Box Boox (i.e., Barnes & Noble) to pick up some chick lit. So she went off to fiction and I stopped at the bestseller rack, where I was confronted by an entirely different array of “revenge porn.” The titles included Mark Levin’s “conservative manifesto” 
Now that summer’s here and her Miss California crown is gone, this year’s 
VO: Yes, they’re all here, all in one place, assembled just for you. You’ll get favorites like these:
VO: How much do you expect to pay for a package like this?
That story pretty much sums up my feelings about tonight’s festivities. It’s a 200-word substitute for “Joe Biden was playing chess, and Sarah Palin was playing Candyland.” She announced at the outset that she wouldn’t really be participating in a debate – “I may not answer the questions the way you want me to, or the way the moderator does …” – and she proceeded to instead offer up a manic, 90-minute imitation of Dolly Parton hosting Hee-Haw, replete with winks and nose-scrunches and “darns” and “you betchas” and rambling soliloquies so full of shit the highlights in her hair faded to brown.
Since Palin became John McCain’s running mate a month ago, I have been frustrated with the mainstream media’s refusal to pay much attention to her censorial tendencies. There have been a few back-of-the-section newspaper articles and brief mentions in Palin biographies, but few words of real outrage concerning an issue that directly reflects upon the Republican ticket’s attitude toward free expression. Even last weekend, when actor and Creative Coalition member Tim Daly mentioned it on Real Time, the panel failed to discuss it at length – perhaps because the subject didn’t offer fellow guest Ralph Nader yet another opportunity to rail incoherently against the major-party candidates’ “corporate masters.”
The current breathless “Sarah Palin Watch” going on in the mainstream and not-so-mainstream media is one of those political phenomena where the accuracy of her claims doesn’t really matter to those outside the chattering class. That’s because it’s not so much what she says as the image she projects. But that image has to project a certain something with keywords directed to the political base and swing voters (at this point in the game, swing voters are about 21% of the electorate and they have a high opinion of both McCain/Palin and Obama/Biden).
In Mike Judge’s 1999 comedy Office Space, its protagonist Peter Gibbons (Ron Livingston) is described by the downsizing consultants as a “straight shooter with upper management written all over him.” It’s a gross misjudgment on the part of the consultants, as Peter’s casual demeanor charmed them much the way that George W. Bush was able to charm almost half the voters of the United States of America the following year. Peter’s boss, the endlessly imitated Bill Lumbergh (Gary Cole), is a lousy manager himself, but he’s driven by enough of a sense of self-preservation to disagree with them, explaining that Peter isn’t the caliber of person they want in upper management, and that “he’s also been having some problems with his TPS reports.”
An Open Letter to Hurricane Gustav