Posts Tagged ‘Steve Perry’

Unsolicited Career Advice for… Jandek

To know the unknowable is one of the great pursuits of sentient beings everywhere.  Has been for as long as there’s been sentient beings.  But to truly know the unknowable (or at least be rendered confused and queasy from it), spend an hour or two listening to and pondering the music of the outsider artist Jandek.  Or, like Uncle Donnie, stumble upon him completely by accident and start writing him harassing memos, offering career advice.  Your call.  – RS

TO: Jandek
FROM: Don Skwatzenschitz
RE: Career Advice

I know who you are, Jandek. Oh, you think you’ve pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes, but I know where you are and where you live and where you’ve made all 55 of your records—every last uncomfortably atonal, virtually indecipherable one of ‘em. How, you might ask? I have friends in the Houston suburbs who had me over for dinner last month while I was in town for the John Basedow Abdominal Exercise Seminar and Chili Cookoff. You might know my friends—Carrie and Tom Milkowitz. As in your next door neighbors Carrie and Tom Milkowitz?

As I sipped my Manhattan on their back deck and watched you pick snap peas from your garden, it occurred to me that you could be so much bigger than you are. I mean, I only knew you from Spin magazine and that documentary done about you a few years back. I’ve only recently started making my way through your voluminous discography (I can only do it while my wife Mitzi is out with her canasta group, or when she’s asleep), and there’s some interesting stuff in there. And by interesting stuff, I mean uncomfortably atonal, virtually indecipherable stuff. But it’s all marketable, if you take my advice and try a couple things: (more…)

Basement Songs: Journey, “Any Way You Want It”

basementsongs

departureMy brother’s black five-piece Rogers drum set stood in our basement like the monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey: Mysterious, imposing and full of wonder. As a prepubescent boy, I would study those drums when he wasn’t looking, much like the cavemen inspected that black monolith in Stanley Kubrick’s film, mouth gaping, curious and hesitant to touch them for fear of what might happen to me. The drums called to me, so much so that the summer before fifth grade I made the ballsy choice of telling my dad, my clarinet teacher, that I didn’t want to play a woodwind instrument and instead wanted to be a drummer. That was one of the best decisions I made early in life.

Throughout fifth and sixth grade, while I was required to play the bells in school band, at home I began learning how to play Budd’s drums. Coordinating the hi-hat with the bass drum and snare came natural to me; drumming was in my blood. By seventh grade, enough of my classmates knew I could keep the beat and play along on the radio to the popular songs of the day that I was asked to join my first rock band. With Budd’s permission (and my parents’ reluctant consent) I was allowed to use his drums for band rehearsals held in the Malchus basement. I recall four of us — Kevin on lead vocals, Craig on guitar, Ross on bass, and myself. Ross was a good drummer; better than me, in fact. But his brother owned a bass guitar so he volunteered play the instrument for us. Being seventh graders, we only learned, like, six songs, all of them pretty basic rock and roll, plus we wrote an original instrumental.

Our best number was Journey’s “Any Way You Want It” from their 1980 album, Departure. The basic rock song written by the mainstream rock band’s lead singer, Steve Perry, and guitar virtuoso, Neal Schon, was the “Smoke on the Water,” the “Rocky Mountain Way” of our day. There are only a couple chords; the verses and chorus are easy to sing; and the most difficult part of the number is the guitar solo. Any seventh-grade band can make its way through “Any Way you Want It.” I’m not sure what that says about the musicality of Journey, but they were one of the most popular bands in the world in the early ’80s, so they were doing something right.

For months we jammed in the basement until word got around that we were actually pretty good and our school principal asked us to play in front of the entire student body of Chestnut School. This would be our one and only gig as a band, coming at the tail end of the school year, spring 1983. The school gathered in the cafeteria like any normal assembly. But this was no ordinary assembly, because the sole reason they were there was to hear their peers jam on stage. From the start, I took it too seriously. I wanted to rock everyone’s socks off! The years spent watching my brother, Budd, play in the local Battle of the Bands, and seeing how professional the band members all took getting up there and playing taught me the professionalism of being a musician. In my mind, our little rock band was doing the same thing; I expected our audience to listen to us as if they were in the Richfield Coliseum raising their lighters to Journey. At that time, Steve Smith, the long-haired drummer from Journey, was my idol. Thinking that all pros dressed like he did, I donned a tank top and a ridiculous pair of running shorts (think Richard Simmons), just as I’d seen him wear in the many photographs I tore out of Hit Parader and Circus Magazine. Unfortunately, I failed to realize that the pros can dress however they like when they’re spending two hours under spotlights. For a beanpole kid like myself, the outfit was a ticket to Dorksville. (more…)

Death by Power Ballad: Quiet Riot, “Winners Take All”

Kevin DuBrow’s cocaine-assisted demise in 2007 denied the world additional work from one of the great philosophical minds in hard rock. Not really, but has there ever been another frontman in the genre who could implore a crowd to “get crazy” (spelled crayzee, if you use the metric system) so convincingly? It was as if he had made the trip from sanity to his current state, and knew the most rockin’ way of getting there, if you wanted to come along too.  Ozzy tries to pull it off every time he gets onstage, but no one has truly doubted his sanity since maybe ‘86. Blackie Lawless from WASP is vulgar (in a cool way) and dresses like a Troll doll in a leather bar, but he’s perfectly sane. When DuBrow sang, “Metal health will drive you mad,” you knew he knew firsthand just what metal health could and would do to you, and it wasn’t pretty.

But even crayzee front men have their moments of reflection, and 1984’s “Winners Take All” is just such a moment. The climb to chart-topping heights had given Quiet Riot plenty of fodder for whacked-out tour photography (as evidenced by the plethora of crayzee pics that graced the inner sleeve of Condition Critical, the album from which “Winners” hails), but it apparently came at a price. DuBrow sounds positively bone-weary, like he just sent the evening’s groupie on her way, it’s four in the morning, and he’s staring into his Jack Daniels bottle, wondering if he’s seeing things, or whether that’s really a little man in a tugboat floating around down there.

He contemplates life and all its many disappointments. “Life’s been good / Life’s been bad,” he muses, in a true best-of-times, worst-of-times moment of deep thought. Stunned at the depth of his thought, he looks further inward: “Now I know what I had / Has taken its toll on me.” The listener longs for him to enumerate the things he’s had — women, booze, tinnitus, crabs, a metric ton of coke, hairpieces — but he tries to dig deeper into his thought. “Yes, we give,” he declaims, “and we take / What we get is what we make.”   What we get is what we make. Apparently, DuBrow has exhausted himself — hey, that is a little man in a tugboat — and, reeling, he declares we must all “Believe that dreams come true.”

“The price is high,” he continues in the bridge, “when you keep the score / Take your souls and your goals / To the top.”  What that means, I have no idea—my soul will occasionally hit the top of something (usually during a bout of acid reflux), but I’ve always aimed low in life, so my goals typically never even hit medium height. Kevin has lost me there.

Oh, but the chorus redeems even the most muddled musing. If there’s a template or prototype for anthem writing, this might be it. A chorus of multitracked DuBrows make a declaration of unity (”Together we stand”), note the consequences of disunity (”we won’t take no fall”), and finally, make another, longer declaration of unity (”Cuz we’re winners and winners take all”).  This is delivered with such strength, such grandeur, such over the top power ballad goodness, I reach for a lighter every time I hear it. Frankie Banali’s drums sound like an anvil dropping down the stairs in an echo chamber; Carlos Cavazo’s power chordage is tinny but true; Rudy Sarzo’s bass—well, I think there’s a bass in there, but Banali’s bass drum provides the bulk of the low end. (more…)

Unsolicited Career Advice for… Michael Jackson

Seems Uncle Donnie has recently taken a shine to the King of Pop; this particular missive was near the top of the Skwatzenschitz archive.  MJ could do worse than follow some of the advice therein; then again, he could also almost assuredly do better. —RS

TO: Michael Jackson
FROM: Don Skwatzenschitz
RE: Career advice

Mike, I gotta tell ya, Mitzi and I were at this party up in the Berkshires last weekend (the weather was gorgeous, and the place we stayed had a slide that emptied out into a hot tub.  Amazing.  You should consider it sometime—the kids would love it), and the damnedest thing happened.  It was pretty quiet—you know, little hors d’oeuvres, sparkly drinks, polite conversation, and the like—until somebody had the khutspe to ask the string quartet to play “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough.” You should have seen it, Mike.  Eighty-year-old women and their grandkids, bustin’ moves all over the place—and this is without a backbeat!  It was a skirt-hikin’ good time.

Got me to thinking how perfect the timing is now for you to make a comeback.  All the legal shit is behind you by a couple years, and the memory (not to mention the attention span) of the public is notoriously short.  The kids who bought Thriller have kids of their own now, so your audience is at least two generations deep, and most of them never heard Invincible when it was out, so the stink of that one probably won’t cling to you.  Here are some things I think you should do:

  • Stay away from the following things: children, Elizabeth Taylor, Saudi princes, monkeys, hyperbaric sleep chambers, your brothers (Jermaine is jer-messed up, Mike.  Well, somebody had to tell you), boy bands, British press, 60 Minutes, the LAPD, Liza Minnelli, Lisa Marie, any giant likenesses of yourself, antique stores, and Debbie Rowe.  These things always seem to get you into trouble, Mike. (more…)

Dw. Dunphy On… Journey

revelationThe trend in non-fiction literature as of late has been to title books with a snappy, concise name and then attach an absurd, ridiculously long subtitle, just to be clear on exactly what the author’s intentions were. So then, if this was my book, my subtitle would be: No, It Really Isn’t Like Throwing A Poodle In The Pitbull Cage, The New Album Just Ain’t That Good.

And it really ain’t that good. Following the Eagles’ lead, Journey has made Wal-Mart the sole seller of their physical product, a three-disc set called Revelation. When we pop culture pundits first heard of the Eagles plan for Long Road Out Of Eden, we scoffed. Desperate, we cried! Pandering, we tittered. Bloody dang effective, none of us said, yet the CD sold many, many copies without ever actually spawning a “hit” song. It was recently announced that AC/DC will be doing the same. I suppose, in hindsight, it makes perfect sense. We think in generalizations of the type of person who frequently shops at Wal-Mart — their income bracket, their tastes — but some things are certain. The average purchaser is probably of an age to have seen the glory days of all three of the aforementioned acts. While they probably have iPods, they still buy CDs and do not rely solely on digital downloads. While the rockist, elitist indie snob shuns the negative connotations of buying from Wal-Mart, there are people who do all their weekly shopping there, from groceries to electronics to tires, and they tend not to be enthused by whatever Dan Deacon or Animal Collective drops this week.

Journey’s Revelation was not made for a rockist, elitist indie snob. It may not have even been made for the band’s causal fans. This is for the guy (or gal) that wants 1981 all over again, the year that Escape dropped, AOR history was made and the dreaded spawn known as the “power ballad” plummeted from Evil’s angry uterus. It doesn’t matter that you really kinda dig “Open Arms,” either. Hitler painted landscapes, and what’s your point? My point is that Revelation lacks a heartbeat, a sense of passion or spontaneity and sounds more like a faded fan’s wish list, clicked off item by item and committed to digital file. First, in direct contradiction to the remaining band’s insistence that “Journey is a whole lot more than the band that backed Steve Perry,” they want you to welcome (cough, with open arms, cough) Arnel Pineda. Pineda is the scariest of pod-people in that he sounds exactly like Perry except for a Filipino accent. He even looks a bit like Perry (except for other Filipino accents). The man can wail and rock and stand on his own merits, but that isn’t why he was hired. (more…)