Posts Tagged ‘Terje Fjelde’

  
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Friday, October 2nd, 2009

The Popdose Podcast: Episode 1

by Jason Hare

This is something we’ve been talking about doing for a long time — in fact, we really thought we’d be debuting the Popdose Podcast over a year ago. It wasn’t until we were finally able to trick our friend Dave Lifton into shuttering his long-running and wildly popular Wings for Wheels series that our plans came together — with the technical savvy necessary to edit our nonsensical jabbering into pure audio entertainment, and a strong enough personality to keep the entire podcast from dissolving into a giggling fit of mom jokes, Dave was the crucial final ingredient we were waiting for all along.

So open up your pod, baby, and let us in — and remember, this is only our debut. Even television classics like According to Jim didn’t enjoy their finest moments until they’d had a little time to hit their stride, and you have no idea what we have in store for you during the coming months. (Note: neither do we.) Like what you hear? Hate it? Drop us a line in the comments and let us know. And now, without further ado…

The Popdose Podcast, Episode 1: Donkey Eatin’ a Pony (1:09:49, 64.9 MB), featuring Jeff Giles, Jason Hare, and Dave Lifton.
You can also subscribe to the podcast’s RSS feed.

Show Notes

0:00 Intro, including digressions into the end of Guiding Light, and Jason’s ass.

5:05 Jeff Giles discusses ASCAP and BMI demanding fees for 30-second samples on iTunes, plus, how Popdose may be affected.

18:53 Dave Lifton discusses hipsters ironically nostalgic for the ’80s, which leads to digressions into Lionel Richie, J-Stache, his taint and Richard Marx sniffing it, the Michael McDonald/Grizzly Bear collaboration, Jason Lytle covering Billy Joel, Daryl Hall’s expensive house, and Smokey Robinson & George Michael singing “Careless Whisper.”

38:20 Jason Hare credits Terje Fjelde’s awesome Popdose podcast contributions, then discusses Mariah Carey appearing on Oprah and covering Foreigner. Digressions continue into Mariah’s “All I Want for Christmas is You,” Journey, The Saw Lady, and Wing.

54:31 Popdose Endorsements (official title yet to be determined; offer your suggestions in the comments!): Jeff endorses fun. (song clip: “Benson Hedges”)

57:06 Popdose Endorsements: Dave endorses Robbie Fulks (song clip: “Papa Was A Steel-Headed Man”)

58:51 Popdose Endorsements: Jason endorses the Damnwells and Tragedy: An All-Metal Tribute to the Bee Gees (song clip: “Stayin’ Alive)

1:02:00 Outro: Jeff highlights his interview with Zach Curd of Desktop (song: “My Boo,” a Popdose exclusive track)

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Friday, May 15th, 2009

Chartburn: 5/15/09

by The Chartburn Panel

Chartburn Logo

Mainstream Rock: The Black Crowes, “Remedy” (1992)

David Lifton: It’s easy to mock them, but the Crowes were a good gateway drug if you didn’t know their influences. Those first couple of records had some good songs on them, regardless of how derivative they were. They were unabashed music fans, and had really good taste. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Beau Dure: Really a pretty song and not a bad band, even if Chris Robinson always looked like he’d blow away in a mild breeze. And Kate Hudson, for the record, could surely do better. How many years can you really stay in a serious relationship with a dude whose first love is always going to be herbal?

Scott Malchus: Great rock and roll song. Plenty of swagger and southern blues. Talk about a band that had a good thing and imploded. I wish this song got as much airplay as that damn remake of the Otis Redding song, I’m sure the Robinson brothers feel the same way.

David Medsker: When I first heard the riff to this song, I couldn’t believe that it hadn’t been written yet. It just sounded like something knocking around classic rock radio since 1972. I’ve still never heard a Crowes record in its entirety. I don’t hate them or anything. They just don’t excite me.

Will Harris: I listened to this album a thousand times upon its initial release if I listened to it once, thanks to working at a record store at the time, which would probably explain why I’ve still never gotten around to buying it. But that doesn’t explain why I’ve never bought any of their other albums. Listening to “Remedy” now, however, I think I’ve figured it out: I just don’t really like the Black Crowes very much. (more…)

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Monday, March 30th, 2009

Popdose Flashback: Jazzy David Foster With a Snappy Beat

by Terje Fjelde

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I was a pretty confused kid in 1989. Well, not a kid, really — I was 17 going on 18. I had a couple of hundred vinyl records, and David Foster was my guiding light , but when I bought my first CD player that year, I didn’t really know which direction to take my budding CD collection. I had calculated that Lionel Richie would release his fourth solo album in 1989. That didn’t happen. I hated my old favorite band, Chicago, with a passion after they disposed of David Foster and released the Diane Warren-infused trainwreck Chicago 19 in 1988, so I couldn’t care less what they were up to. Level 42 were more or less in shambles after the departure of Boon and Phil and I didn’t expect a new Toto album until the next year. Pet Shop Boys released the glorious single “Left to My Own Devices” but I wasn’t really into singles, and their 1989 remix album (Introspective) wasn’t great. The whole New Romantic/Sophisti-Pop movement was waning, and while I was still listening to Johnny Hates Jazz and trying to make my hair look like Clark Datchler’s with Studio Line, the girls in my class got into Guns ‘n’ Roses and suddenly they dug long-haired dudes on motorbikes.

I had one foot planted on the dancefloor at the time as well, but Italo Disco didn’t sound quite as appealing to me as it had in 1986, and Black Box’s “Ride on Time” wasn’t exactly my idea of fun. I tried to get into house music and bought a volume in the “House Sound of Chicago Megamix” series, but I quickly realized that it wasn’t for me. I was getting sick and tired of the synth gurus that used to thrill me in the mid-’80s — Jean-Michel Jarre was turning into Napoleon Bonaparte with a Laserharp, Tangerine Dream swapped their Moogs and ARP’s for rhythm presets on a cheap Korg Wavestation, and the Miami Vice/Jan Hammer thing wasn’t really happening anymore. And where was David Foster? Foster was almost invisible on record in 1989. Rock wasn’t really an option yet, and I didn’t get rap at all. So what was I to do?

One day after school I listened to the radio. They presented a batch of new releases, and suddenly I heard these sweet piano tinklings that reminded me of David Foster’s “Winter Games,” only slightly jazzier and with a snappy beat. Oh, yes. Jazzy David Foster with a snappy beat. Groovy. This couldn’t be wrong.

David Benoit. Hm.

Not at all wrong. (more…)

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Thursday, February 5th, 2009

Into the Ear of Madness, Week 35 — I Love “Stealing Home”

by Terje Fjelde

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

Hey, I’m back! Sort of. Just to set things straight: Gimmicky posts about insanity and snark aside, I really have been quite exhausted over the past few months, and for the last two weeks I have been unable to come up with the weekly 500 words about Mr. Foster that you’ve grown accustomed to. You see, on top of everything else, I’m experiencing a writer’s block. I’ve never encountered anything like it in my entire life, and it’s frustrating beyond belief. I literally have to fight for every single word, no matter how trivial it may seem. My words have dried out, my Twitter account is a desert and I can’t even come up with anything sensible for my Facebook status line anymore. Thank God I’m doing this stuff pro bono. Ah well, life imitates art as they say. Or is it the other way around? Is this what Jeff had in mind?

stealing-homeAnyway, I’ve been blunt about my current health status, so I might as well be blunt about the music. Here we go: David Foster composed the score for this movie in 1988, and I have to admit that I love the Stealing Home soundtrack. I love the sentimentality of it, I love that it’s overloaded with strings and sweet synth sounds and I love the silly love lyrics penned by Foster’s wife for the love theme. I’ve kissed a thousand beautiful women listening to these tunes throughout my youth — well, in my dreams, anyway.

I honestly don’t know where the unabashed love for this kind of kitsch came from, but it’s there and it’s always been there. It’s like a genetic thing, no matter how much I’ve gotten into hard bop and rock and roll in recent years, whenever I’m spinning Stealing Home I’m right back to the acne-infected sentimental sap that used to greet me in the mirror over 20 years ago. I have to face it — I’m a 37-year old guy who likes music that would embarrass 11-year-old girls for its sentimentality. (more…)

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Thursday, January 29th, 2009

Into the Ear of Madness: Week 34 — Blip

by Terje Fjelde

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.


“All By Myself” – Celine Dion. Produced by David Foster. Written by Eric Carmen.

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Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

Into the Ear of Madness, Week 33 — Procrastinating

by Terje Fjelde

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

Have I used that header before? I probably have. Well, it’s true. Before we delve into the specifics of the three songs I lined out in my entry two weeks ago (heh…), I’m presenting my Quite Comprehensive Guide of David Foster Productions, previously published, but never actually read by anyone, on my very own website a couple of years ago. It’s too bad to let all this work go to waste, so, my dear hordes, here it is in all its glory. Enjoy it if you can:

David Foster has been my musical hero for 25 years. It’s been a turbulent relationship, I’ll admit that much, but in one way or another he’s always been an important influence on my musical taste and on my own development as a musician. I’m self-taught on the piano, and for all practical reasons I’m like a Casio-Foster-preset on the keys.

My relationship with Foster has waggered to and fro, from blind worship and pure fandom through frustrations and disappointments to rediscoveries of pure delight and restored faith, only to be disappointed all over again.

Today I’ve come to terms with the fact that me and Foster have gone separate ways musically, and that we’ll probably never meet on the same note again.

But there was a time when David Foster was a different man; a young, hungry and immensely talented musician who turned to producing other artists by the time he was 25. He had the chops and he used them. He was energetic, had great rhythm and last but not least, he showed an early talent for those romantic ballads. And that’s the kind of Foster I still love.

David Foster has produced hundreds, if not thousands of songs. Here’s a chronological selection from that body of work with a few comments, mainly focused on those projects where he produced an entire album, or at least vital parts of it. Hope you enjoy the overview. (more…)

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Thursday, January 15th, 2009

Into the Ear of Madness, Week 42 (oops, 32) — Feel the Neil

by Terje Fjelde

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

I’m sorry, but my mind is a total blank this week, and I don’t know what else to do than to continue the bashing from last time. Please forgive me, I’m no doubt a talentless and bitter dick for wasting my time writing crap about this guy, this genius, who has so much more talent in his left thumb than I have in my entire body that he’s laughing himself all the way to the bank on a yellow-brick road covered by red carpets (red-brick road?), champagne and cheap blondes while I’m sitting here in my ramshackled camp trailer on the edge of the world, watching Swedish Dansband on television to try to laugh off the pain and drinking methanol to stay warm. Did I mention that Foster was in an artistic and commercial slum last weep? Oops, sorry — Freudian slip time — that’s “slump last week.”

Before we delve into the specifics of the three songs I lined out in last week’s entry, we will take a look at David Foster’s career in the late ’80s, and today we’re moving on to 1988. At this point he wasn’t as productive as he used to be, and he certainly didn’t dominate the charts like he used to. He was going through a divorce at the time and, as a freak experiment, he decided to take Sundays off for the first time since his pre-teens, apparently to catastrophic effect. So, a lot of bad things were happening to our hero. Case in point:

“Carmelita’s Eyes” by Neil Diamond, from The Best Years of Our Lives (1988). Produced by David Foster. Written by Neil Diamond and David Foster. (more…)

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Thursday, January 8th, 2009

Into the Ear of Madness: Week 31 — Foster Freeze

by Terje Fjelde

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Over the next year Terje Fjelde has agreed to listen to nothing but David Foster on his iPod. He’s loaded the thing with over 1,200 songs produced, arranged, composed, and/or played by David Foster. A deal with the devil? He keeps wondering.

I’ve been on a break for a couple of weeks, but you probably haven’t noticed — David Foster is everywhere these days. In a sense, I feel I’ve reached the point where I can say: Good job, Terje. Mission Accomplished and all that. Jason and Jeff couldn’t keep their big, fat hands off him during their grim ride throughout the frothbolous wonders of Mellowmas, could they? They even managed to insult me and my rare, exotic name. Fuckers. I have to say, guys, you really outdid yourselves during Mellowmas this year. I have blocked my RSS reader from displaying any content with the word “mellowmas” in it, and I will never, ever listen to a Christmas song again, at least as long as I’m legally competent and the undisputed master of my faculties. (We intend to make sure Terje’s legal competence is called into question well before Week 52. –Ed.)

PBS wasted a whole week on Foster’s Vegas concert, the one I reviewed back in November. I’m located elsewhere, but I have my sources, and I’m under the distinct impression that most Americans gathered around their TV sets that week to enjoy the company of Foster and Friends. Don’t deny it, I know you watched it, too. It’s something in your food, isn’t it? I’m so over that concert, by the way. Thank you.

In fact, I wasn’t at all that sure I wanted to keep doing this series for yet another 180 days. We’ve reached the glorious year of 1986 in the course of my loose chronological order, true, but it also means that the best years of David Foster’s career, at least as far as I’m concerned, are behind him and I will spend the next 20 posts writing about music that I basically don’t give a damn about — at all. I spent my Christmas vacation concocting all kinds of elaborate plans to opt out of my deal: Sorry guys — just got this new gig, really demanding job, too busy to continue writing… Serious health issues, marital distress, moving into a tent with no Internet connection — all options were explored.

But in the end I was too proud. A promise is a promise, and I need to keep my part of the deal to fuel the notion of the man I aspire to be. I can’t wait until June, though, when Jeff, the evil mastermind who gave birth to this painful series in the first place, has to keep his part of the deal. You know, he agreed to do anything I asked of him. Really. Anything. Use your imagination, guys and gals — be as mean as you can be and hit me — no, sorry — hit Jeff with your evil schemes in the comment section. (more…)

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Thursday, December 25th, 2008

The Twenty-Fifth Day of Mellowmas: Wingmas!

by Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Jason: Jeff, are you awake?

Jeff: Ah, Mellowmas morn!

Jason: Is it…is it…is it here? I’m a little groggy.

Jeff: I put a little something extra in your eggnog last night.

Can you smell the holiday spirit in the air?

Jason: I can’t smell anything. My nose is all stuffed. I think Smash Mouth gave me a cold. I think I fell asleep around 4 or 5 AM, but only for about 10 minutes. Suddenly, I heard Steve Harwell yelling.

Jeff: That may have been your mom.

Jason: He was all “IZZAT YOU SANNA CLAUS???” and I think I accidentally wet the bed.

Jeff: Hey, look! The fortune cookies you left out are gone!

Jason: They….they are?

Jeff: There’s a note on the table!

Jason: There….there is?

Jeff: Let’s see what it says.

Jason: Read it to me. My eyes are all sleepy. It’s so sleepy in here.

Jeff: “Dear Jaseff & Jon,

Thank for cookies. Please enjoy my musicas.”

“Love,

Wing”

Jason: gasp

Jeff: gasp

Jason: OH NO! Not….not Wing!

Jeff: claps

Jason: Oh NO!

Jeff: Wing is Santa Mellow!

Jason: This is the worst Mellowmas Day EVER! This is worse than Starland Vocal Band! This is worse than “Wonderful Christmastime“!

Jeff: It’s the most perfectly logical conclusion to Mellowmas! What, I ask you, is more Mellowmas than Wing?

Jason: You know what? You’re right. I don’t want you to be right. But you’re right. It’s true. Earnest + shit = Mellowmas.

Jeff: Oh, I’m so excited. I wonder which timeless carols Wing performs on her holiday album, Everyone Sings Carols with Wing. Hmmm…let’s see…”Ca Si Na Mu”?

Jason: “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear”!

Jeff: “Sheung Hai Tan II”?

Jason: “(Chinese Version).” Which is a relief, because the Korean version really weirds me out.

Jeff: “O Mio Babbino Caro”?

Jason: Wait, wait, wait. “Vision of Love”?

Jeff: That can’t be the Mariah Carey song. Can it?

Jason: “When You Believe”? That would be TWO Mariah Carey songs, Jeff.

Jeff: Which is perfect. Seeing as how Mariah Carey has actually recorded a Christmas album. And Wing could have done a song or two from that. Maybe these are different songs titled “Vision of Love” and “When You Believe.”

Jason: Hold on. I’m on the phone with the airline, booking my ticket to Sarajevo.

Jeff: Make sure they don’t seat you next to Bolton. I hear he snores.

Jason: I would take Bolton snoring in my ear over Wing singing Christmas carols.

Jeff: Fortunately, you don’t have a choice in the matter. Where should we begin? I’m so excited, I can’t pick.

Jason: Sigh

I can’t believe this. This is the way Mellowmas ends?

Okay, fine. “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” (download).

Jeff: “(To Kick Wing’s Ass).”

Jason: Hey, those horns sound real.

Jeff: Nice backing!

Jason: UGH!

Jeff: Oh no!

Jason: ACK!

Jeff: Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing

Jason: Did you hear the “Why?” in the background? That was me, yelling “WHY, WING? WHY!??!”

Jeff: I want you to know, it’s taking everything I have to type right now. I’m laughing so hard I can barely see. I’d love to know how this was recorded.

Jason: Oh, I think it’s obvious.

Jeff: Were those backing vocalists in the studio with Wing? Were they real?

Jason: Oh, hell no. Wing’s producer goes out and spends $5.99 on a karaoke track. $6.41 with tax.

Jeff: He sees when you are sleeping! He knows if you been back or good! I’m dancing in my chair.

Jason: Can you imagine what the karaoke backing singers would think if they heard this?

Jeff: Oh, I wish I could be there to see that.

Jason: Had they known, they might have demanded more money. I mean, the difference between the two styles is just hysterical.

Jeff: I keep hoping Wing will record an album with live musicians. Big finish! Wow!

Jason: Ooh, she’s holding out that last note! She nailed it!

Jeff: Wing’s got some lungs on her!

Jason: She nailed in that way that only Wing can nail it!

Jeff: With a fucking nail gun, right through the cerebral cortex!

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: Ba-DOW!

Jason: I’m starting to perk up a little.

Jeff: See?

Jason: Hang on, let me get some eggnog from my fridge. I need something to help me swallow this Percocet.

Jeff: Now you’re getting into it.

Jason: Shall we listen to another?

Jeff: Oh, let’s.

Jason: “Jingle Bells” (download)?

Jeff: I’d love to.

Jason: Okay!

Jeff: Oooh!

Jason: More real horns!

Jeff: Uptempo!

Jason: Another $6.41!

Jeff: Over sheels we go!

Jason: Laughing all the weeeey!

Jeff: Oh my God, I love this so much.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Listen to how she punches “Bells!” She’s fucking serious about jingle bells!

Jeff: Satan by my side?

Jason: And soon Miss Fencing Bright?

Jeff: I completely lost track of what she was saying back there.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! This is AWESOME!

Jeff: I don’t care. I’m just going with the flow.

Jason: Yeah, me too. I’m grooving a little in my chair now.

Jeff: She sounds out of breath. I wonder if her asshole producer sped up the track just to mess with Wing.

Jason: My cats are trying to flush themselves down the toilet.

Jeff: Another big finish!

Jason: What? Only 1:47? NO! Noooooo!

Jeff: Whatever. I have it on a loop.

Jason: I can’t believe what I’m saying, but that wasn’t enough.

Jeff: I’m dashing froo the snow again. Did she say “sing a snake song tonight”?

Jason: She might have! It’s Wing!

I love this. Another! Another!

Jeff: Yes!

Jason: Just not “Ca Si Na Mu,” because iTunes says it’s 6:02.

Jeff: How about “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear” (download)?

Jason: Okay, THOSE are synths.

Jeff: Is that David Foster on the keys?

Jason: It came upon a mit! night clear!

Jeff: So. Much. Wing. This could be none more Wing. She has Winged to 11.

Jason: I told you back during Earmageddon: I kind of love this stuff now.

Jeff: Piss on the Earth?

Jason: Hey, man. It’s Wing’s world. We just live in it.

Jeff: This sort of reminds me of going to church when I was younger.

Jason: Yeah?

Jeff: Although if Wing had been a member of my church, I’d still be there. Like, living there. Just hoping to catch a glimpse of her Wingness.

Jason: In the church.

Jeff: Yeah. Hey, do you think she does more than one take of these songs? Because I hope she does.

Jason: Why?

Jeff: Because it would just complete the effect for me. You know, the artist, laboring over her craft. The producer, painstakingly stitching together different vocal takes. The mixer, downing a fifth of bourbon.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha! It’s too bad this wasn’t done in the ’80s. I’m imagining the producer with a razor blade.

Jeff: Oh, that would be great.

Jason: Trying to decide whether to cut the track or his wrist.

Jeff: Ha ha ha! I’m imagining the poor fucker who had to master this and laughing my ass off.

Jason: You know, maybe it’s that I’m used to Wing, but I definitely don’t consider this the worst thing of the Mellowmas season.

Jeff: Nor do I. In fact, I want to listen to this all day. Maybe if I listen to it enough times, I’ll be able to understand the lyrics.

Jason: Oh, I doubt it.

Jeff: Do fro alovin ass in fry

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: Ag bah in free a bah say mah

Jason: You sound like Michael McDonald on the bayou!

Jeff: I remember that Michael McDonald song. It’s great, but not as great as this.

Jason: How much would you love to hear a duet between Wing and the Singing Saw?

Jeff: How could you tell them apart? I think the Saw might have better diction.

Jason: By the way, at my Acoustic ’80s gig last week, we’re playing “Last Christmas” by Wham!, and I hear someone in the audience yell, “Where’s the singing saw?” It was Jon Cummings.

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha! You WERE supposed to learn how to play it.

Jason: And it made me happy. Not because he was heckling, but because it meant that he had really listened to the Singing Saw. I think that may be the worst of Mellowmas 2008.

Jeff: I may have to agree, although I still say the fucking Archies were pretty painful. And I’m having a hard time deciding whether Shelley Duvall or the Germans were scarier.

Jason: You’re being such a baby about the Archies.

Jeff: Horrible. Just horrible.

Jason: I vote for Singing Saw or Duvall for the worst of Mellowmas ‘08.

Jeff: The best, of course, was Mr. Alan O’Day.

Jason: Oh, of course. I mean, not that it’s saying much, considering everything else, but Alan O’Day is my hero. An artist with a fantastic creative mind and a sharp sense of humor.

Jeff: He’s won the everlasting devotion of our entire staff. Especially Terje “Curtis Armstrong” Fjelde.

Jason: Yes. Everyone knows Terje, of course. Terje has lovingly devoted himself, as you all know, to nothing but David Foster’s music.

Jeff: And he still talks to us!

Jason: But some of you may not know that Terje is so goddamn obsessed with David Foster that he actually can compose and record in the David Foster style.

Jeff: Terje’s first Foster pastiche, “Baseball in the Backyard,” is one of my favorite tracks of 2008, even though he recorded it in 1997.

Jason: I agree. Mine, too. So when Terje heard Alan’s masterpiece, “Have a Very Mellowmas (Theme From Mellowmas),” he was…inspired.

So it seems fitting to close this year’s Mellowmas season with Terje’s re-interpretation of Alan’s creation. Alan has heard this, by the way.

Jeff: More fitting than Wing?

Jason: You know what he said? “Terje, you’ve produced a masterpiece from a demo of emotional nothingness. I shudder to think what you would do if you were given a decent song to work with!”

Jeff: Ha ha ha!

Jason: This is why I love Alan O’Day.

Jeff: One of many reasons, yes. If any of you haven’t bought Alan’s latest album yet…well, I don’t know what to say to you. Other than BUY ALAN O’DAY’S LATEST ALBUM RIGHT NOW.

Jason: Well, this seems to be the end, huh?

Jeff: It’s been a long road to Mellowmas.

Jason: We’ve been through so much this year. I’m exhausted.

Jeff: Parting with this season is always such sweet sorrow.

Jason: Maybe for you! I think our readers will be happy to get back to regular Popdose coverage.

Jeff: Yes, and I’m sure they’ll enjoy meeting all our new columnists and reading all our new features. And seeing the site’s new design.

But still…

Mellowmas…

sniff

Jason: Yes, We thank you all for making it through The 25 Days of Mellowmas, for sure. Give me a hug, buddy. Happy Mellowmas, my friend.

Jeff: And a very Happy Mellowmas to you. Shall we cue up the love theme of the season?

Jason: Hey…did you just fart? Dude! Not cool to fart while we’re hugging!

Jeff: That was the hidden bonus track on the Wing album, I think.

Jason: Enjoy “Love Theme From Mellowmas” (download). Share it with the ones you love, if they’re still with you after listening to everything else from this season.

Jeff: We’ll meet you back here on January 1.

Jason: Happy Mellowmas to all!

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Tuesday, December 16th, 2008

The Sixteenth Day of Mellowmas: Into the Ear of Mellowmas Madness

by Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Jason: So today’s track is from a David Foster Christmas album.

Jeff: Isn’t that perfect?

Jason: Anybody want to take a guess who suggested it?

Jeff: Ken! Ken Shane!

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! No, you fucknut! Terje! Terje Fjelde! The man behind Into the Ear of Madness, the weekly Foster-obessive series on Popdose!

Jeff: Oh riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! That dude!

Jason: I have no idea what to do with the “j’ in his last name, do you?

Jeff: You mean how to pronounce it?

Jason: I guess it’s a “y” sound?

Jeff: When I say it out loud, I pronounce it “Curtis Armstrong.”

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Okay, so Terje sends us an e-mail, and he says: “It’s an All-Star rendition of ‘White Christmas’ from David Foster’s 1993 Christmas album, with what no doubt is the most soulful delivery of the line ’sleighbells in the snow’ in the history of recorded music.

“With: Natalie Cole, Roberta Flack, Peabo Bryson, BeBe and CeCe Winans, Celine Dion (in French), Tom Jones, Vanessa Williams, Michael Crawford, Tammy Wynette, Johnny Mathis and Wynonna.”

Jeff: Nice!

Jason: And I looked on my hard drive, and it was already there. But what I can’t figure out is: how did I miss it before?

Jeff: Willpower? Luck? All of the above? What an incredible lineup.

Jason: Define “incredible.”

Jeff: “With tons of miserable potential.”

Jason: That’s what I thought you meant. Let’s go!

David Foster — White Christmas (download)

From The Christmas Album Amazon

Jason: Oh, those keyboards. That’s David Foster, all right.

Jeff: I’m in middle school all over again.

Jason: So I guess this is Natalie Cole. Sounds like Natalie Cole.

Jeff: Have I ever told you how much I fucking loathe Natalie Cole?

Jason: You have. I believe we attempted to do a Mellowmas track of hers last year, but it didn’t make the cut.

Jeff: Oh boy. Is that Peabo?

Jason: It ain’t Roberta Flack! I’m not going to recognize another voice until Tom Jones, I know it.

Jeff: Do you feel seasick?

Jason: I feel like David Foster is sucking the soul out of all the artists, and us as well.

Jeff: Oh, there’s Celine. Singing in FRENCH, the bitch.

Jason: I wish she sang in German.

Jeff: Go back to your own country!

Jason: Hey, don’t be a dick! Terje is foreign!

Jeff: This song is synthtastic!

Jason: Hey, there’s Tom Jones! How did he get involved? Wait, I bet the answer is in an “Into the Ear of Madness” post somewhere.

Jeff: There are SO MANY SYNTHS.

Jason: Which “sleighbells in the snow” line was the most soulful one? I think I was busy shoving cotton into my ears the first time around.

Jeff: I don’t know, I can’t think straight.

Jason: It’s like a “Voices That Care” Christmas carol.

Jeff: There’s too much going on here, and all of it sucks.

Jason: I hate it.

Jeff: BOLTON!

Jason: That was Bolton?

Jeff: Was it?

Jason: Shit! Two Bolton appearances this year?

Jeff: Wasn’t it? I don’t know.

Jason: I don’t know either. I don’t know anything anymore. Oh man, now they’re all riffing and shit. Rein ‘em in, Foster! These bitches work for YOU!

Jeff: I do know that David Foster thinks that 64 synth tracks plus some overdubbing equals holiday spirit.

Jason: Hey, fuck you, buddy! Do you have hits like David Foster? I didn’t THINK so!

Jeff: Diane Warren? Is that you?

Jason: It’s called “pop music” because it’s “popular”! Isn’t that what he’s been talking about this month while promoting his new book?

Jeff: I also know that if I’m ever hosting a holiday party and I want everyone to go home, I’m playing this.

I wonder if this song turns into “After the Love Is Gone” when you play it backwards.

Jason: Hey! Where the hell is Cetera? How did he get out of this? Doesn’t Foster own his soul?

Jeff: I think he was probably busy writing a check for half his assets to his ex-wife at the time.

Jason: Do you think Jason Scheff was knocking on the studio door?

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jason: “Peter, uh, can’t make it. Can I come in?” This is great. Now I’m picturing Jason Scheff suffocating Peter Cetera. This is actually the nicest thing I’ve thought about all Mellowmas.

Jeff: That’s a nice metaphor for Jason Scheff’s career, actually. “Peter isn’t here. Mind if I, uh, sing?”

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha h!

Jeff: “You may know me from such hits as ‘Sounds Like That Other Chicago Song’ and ‘Same Damn Ballad All Over Again’.”

Jason: Well, that song’s over.

Jeff: wipes hands, hard drive

Jason: That was pretty terrible. Syrupy, schmaltzy, exactly what I expected, yet I’m still upset by it. Thanks a lot, Ken.

Jeff: There’s a Mellowmas continuum, you know? At one end is “Oh my God, that was actually pleasant.” In the middle is Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. At the other end is “That hurt to listen to.”

Jason: Where does this fall for you? I’m somewhere between the middle and end.

Jeff: I think this track was closer to the “hurts to listen to” end.

Jason: Before or after Singing Saw?

Jeff: Ugh.

Jason: I’m just asking.

Jeff: I don’t want to think about it.

Jason: Fair enough.

Jeff: Which I guess means that I like this song better than the Singing Saw.

Jason: Well, thanks, Terje, you’ve infected us all with Foster yet again.

Jeff: The Ear of Madness claims two more victims.

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