Ah, Skittles. Remember that good old-fashioned rainbow of fruit flavors? Remember when it just came in that friendly red package, and you could eat a full three-quarters of the bag before you started to feel ill?

Those were good times, weren’t they?

Not good enough for Mars Incorporated, apparently, because awhile back, the company started rolling out new Skittles varieties all willy-nilly. I believe the tropical flavors came first, followed by Wild Berry, Smoothie Mix, the so-disgusting-they’re-awesome Sour Skittles, and — if the candy’s Wikipedia page is to be believed — all kinds of strange and terrible spinoffs, like Skittles Mints, Liquorice Skittles, and, dear God, Double Sour Skittles.

You’d think they were all done, right? No more fruit frontiers to explore? Every pot of gold at the end of every rainbow plundered? You’d think that, all right, but you aren’t an evil genius in the employ of a dark and powerful candy empire. Behold, bitches! Chocolate Mix Skittles have arrived!

Looking at this bag, two immediate reactions seem appropriate:

1. What, is chocolate a fucking fruit now?
2. (As spoken by my wife when I came home with these) Chocolate Skittles? Aren’t those M&M’s?

Not to spoil anything for you, but the answers to both questions are a loud and hearty “no.” (more…)

When I saw that our beloved leader, Mr. Giles, had revived this feature, my heart leapt with joy. “At last!” I thought. “A legitimate excuse for eating and drinking really weird shit!”

Of course, weird is relative…I mean, I’m a religious viewer of “Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern,” but I wouldn’t touch 95% of the stuff that guy indulges in…but let’s just say that I’m a sucker for unique flavors and strange culinary concepts within the mainstream. That’s why I regularly scour my local Big Lots, Dollar Tree, and Ollie’s locations to see what product lines have been abandoned for lack of interest (or, more likely, for lack of acting tasting even remotely good) and can be had for really cheap. And by happy coincidence, I was in Big Lots only yesterday, where curiosity forced me to purchase a 4-pack of Java Pop, a “coffee soda” produced in Woodstock, VT.

Despite my curiosity, I admit that I still had a certain amount of trepidation. I mean, I’m a coffee fiend, but when it comes to attempts to blend it with other beverages, I haven’t found much love in my heart for the results. Despite Drew Carey’s best efforts, the concept of blending coffee and beer has — based on my purchases of two different attempts at such a product — failed miserably. And by “miserably,” I mean they were fucking disgusting, as bitter as all get-out and impossible for me to even finish…and when it comes to beer, that’s really saying something.

Still, coffee soda…? Could there be something of merit here? Time to find out.

(more…)

Welcome back to the Great Gross-Off!

Those of you who weren’t loyal Jefitoblog readers may not remember this series — Lord knows I’ve let it lie dormant long enough — but it was a long-running (if totally transparently ripped from Steve at The Sneeze) tradition at the old site. I’ve meant to resume it since Popdose started, but just somehow never…got around to it.

(Apologies to Jason, who I railroaded into eating carbonated yogurt last fall, under the pretense that it would be used for Popdose’s inaugural Gross-Off post — although the pictures from our ordeal remain, my sense memories of the crap we ate do not.)

So, here’s the deal with the Great Gross-Off: Because I have a demented weakness for “limited edition” foodstuffs — particularly those that seem ridiculous or just plain wrong — and also have a wife who frowns on me wasting money and/or stomach lining on said foodstuffs, I have devised an elaborate scheme under which I am able to claim that I’m only buying all this junk food for “research,” or “work,” or whatever I can blurt out with a straight face. I purchase the junk food. I eat the junk food. I regret eating the junk food. I attempt to put my regret into words.

Gross-Off.

Now that we’ve established the ground rules for our little game, please allow me to introduce you to the magical little wonderbar that got this series up and running again. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Limited Edition Indiana Jones Snickers Adventure Bar! (more…)