I’m not going to lie to you, folks. The first time I listened to Third Eye Blind’s “Semi-Charmed Life,” the song put me in a state of pure pop bliss — in fact, it was one of the last times I can remember hearing something on the radio and actually being excited to go buy the CD. The song tossed the last handful of earth on grunge’s coffin, reappropriating the airwaves once and for all for clean-cut, mildly dangerous dudes who knew how to cover a hook in sticky, sweet ear candy. More aggressive than Counting Crows and poppier than Collective Soul, the band seemed, on the virtue of its debut single, ready to rule the world.

Of course, it didn’t turn out that way. As I discovered soon after purchasing the band’s self-titled debut, “Semi-Charmed Life” was the first single because it was far and away the best song on the album. Yes, yes, I know — Third Eye Blind spun off a number of hitlike singles, including “Graduate,” “Losing a Whole Year,” and the dreaded “Jumper.” But none of them had the impact “Life” did, for the simple reason that they weren’t that good. In fact, the main thing “Semi-Charmed Life” had in common with the rest of Third Eye Blind was that it illustrated frontman Stephan Jenkins’ weakness for ponderous, borderline nonsensical lyrics masquerading as deep rock & roll profundity. Lines like “I believe in the sand beneath my toes / The beach gives a feeling / An earthy feeling / I believe in the faith that grows / And the four right chords can make me cry / When I’m with you I feel like I could die” sound like the work of a high school senior who has been reading a lot of bad poetry — and that was, perhaps not coincidentally, the level of maturity displayed by Jenkins in a rapidly multiplying series of awestruck anecdotes from people he (allegedly) stepped on, burned, or offended during the band’s quick ascension. It takes a healthy ego to be a rock star, and the music industry is full of vituperative jerks, but according to the rapidly spreading legend of Stephan Jenkins, the world was witnessing the birth of a whole new evolutionary breed of asshole. (more…)