Posts Tagged ‘Thriller’

Way Out Wednesday: “The Happy Hamsters Go Ghostbustin’”

hamsters ghostbustin frontIt’s Tony from Way Out Junk, and I’ve got another crazy one for you. Remember the high-pitched singing rodent craze started by Alvin and the Chipmunks and then all the rip-off groups that appeared afterward? This album is from the second renaissance of the Chipmunks, and features the Happy Hamsters. What’s their back story? Who knows? I don’t even know what their names are, or if they’ve got a human father figure or anything. Admittedly this is the Happy Hamsters’ second album, but I don’t think continuity is their strong suit here. Anyway, on to the songs!

Well, since this album is called The Happy Hamsters Go Ghostbustin’, you have to expect the song “Ghostbusters.” The singing isn’t that bad, all things considered. The problem is all the jabbering they do during the instrumental parts. It’s just a little bit here, but it gets worse, trust me!

Ghostbusters

Next, as a salute (?) to Michael Jackson, here’s “Thriller.” Again, the singing’s all right, and there’s not too much chatter this time. Extra points for including the Vincent Price part of the song as well. Of course, it does lose the effect hearing it done by three helium-filled voices.

Thriller

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Unsolicited Career Advice for… Michael Jackson

Seems Uncle Donnie has recently taken a shine to the King of Pop; this particular missive was near the top of the Skwatzenschitz archive.  MJ could do worse than follow some of the advice therein; then again, he could also almost assuredly do better. —RS

TO: Michael Jackson
FROM: Don Skwatzenschitz
RE: Career advice

Mike, I gotta tell ya, Mitzi and I were at this party up in the Berkshires last weekend (the weather was gorgeous, and the place we stayed had a slide that emptied out into a hot tub.  Amazing.  You should consider it sometime—the kids would love it), and the damnedest thing happened.  It was pretty quiet—you know, little hors d’oeuvres, sparkly drinks, polite conversation, and the like—until somebody had the khutspe to ask the string quartet to play “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough.” You should have seen it, Mike.  Eighty-year-old women and their grandkids, bustin’ moves all over the place—and this is without a backbeat!  It was a skirt-hikin’ good time.

Got me to thinking how perfect the timing is now for you to make a comeback.  All the legal shit is behind you by a couple years, and the memory (not to mention the attention span) of the public is notoriously short.  The kids who bought Thriller have kids of their own now, so your audience is at least two generations deep, and most of them never heard Invincible when it was out, so the stink of that one probably won’t cling to you.  Here are some things I think you should do:

  • Stay away from the following things: children, Elizabeth Taylor, Saudi princes, monkeys, hyperbaric sleep chambers, your brothers (Jermaine is jer-messed up, Mike.  Well, somebody had to tell you), boy bands, British press, 60 Minutes, the LAPD, Liza Minnelli, Lisa Marie, any giant likenesses of yourself, antique stores, and Debbie Rowe.  These things always seem to get you into trouble, Mike. (more…)

Dw. Dunphy On… The End of the Album

Okay, this is how I think it’s going to go down: before the end of the year, a major player in the music industry will announce that it’ll no longer sign bands to make albums. It’ll institute ten-song deals versus three albums, the product to be delivered over a two-year period versus a contract tying up five to ten years. Each of the ten songs are to be considered singles, radio-ready, with at least a 65 percent probability of hit status, otherwise the band in question is liable to be dropped for fulfillment issues. If the losses are great, breach-of-contract litigation is not out of the question.

setSound ridiculous? Or does it sound like the obvious conclusion for an industry that continues to lose money and customer patronage, seeking to cut away anything that doesn’t promote profit — album tracks that may appeal to a creative sense but can’t be capitalized upon, extra production costs inherent in those tracks, and design, packaging, and promotion of a product the public only wants 10 percent of. Witness the next music-industry model circa 2010: the business model of 1961. A label executive now sees his competition focused solely on bankrolling hits, not album sides or expensive packaging, and has to mull over whether it’s better business-wise to chop his staff in half or chop his label’s output in half, retaining the profitable side for himself. Of course the second option is better. He follows suit, and the business model we know today ceases to exist.

Now, you as a music fan and album purchaser hear this news and are appalled — what about the creative angle, the cohesive whole, and the notion that an artist has the broadest canvas with which to work, expand, and grow? Well, what about it. It was recently reported that Apple’s iTunes is now the dominant provider of music in the world, bigger than electronics stores that stock CDs as loss leaders, bigger than even monolithic Wal-Mart, which itself was once the king of music retail. iTunes has made its bones on singles, pure and simple. Few of the portal’s primary users actually go for album sides; people with that mind-set are still likely to buy the physical product, but their numbers are dwindling fast. To say the public in general will miss the album is to ignore the obvious — not only won’t they miss it, they haven’t missed it for five-plus years and counting.

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