This holiday season will offer you 7 Wishes. But what will you wish for first?
Will it be the Jack Blades posable action figure? Dressed in authentic Midnight Madness-era stage attire, this incredibly lifelike replica of Night Ranger®’s bassist-vocalist comes preloaded with seven Jack Blades catchphrases. Pull his string and you’ll hear these unforgettable classics:
“You can stiiiiiilllll ROCK in Amer-i-caaaaaa!”
“DON’T tell me you love meeeeeee!”
“Looks like what you need right now is a TOUCH of mad-ness!”
“You still got some more RAWK left in you to-night?”
Plus three more exciting Blade-isms, all delivered by the unstoppable Jack Blades! (Requires two AA batteries to start. Batteries not included.)
But wait — there’s more!
New for the holidays, Dawn Patrol Toys is pleased to unveil the first-ever Alan “Fitz” Fitzgerald action figure. Modeled after Night Ranger®’s legendary keyboard player, often referred to as ”the original Silent Bob,” Fitz comes with his own miniature synthesizer, shades, and beret.
And you’ll be lookin’ extra cool wearing the bonus pair of signature Alan “Fitz” Fitzgerald aviator sunglasses. These super boss blockers are a replica reproduction of the snazzy specs Fitz wore onstage at every single Night Ranger® gig as well as when he played keyboards behind the curtain for Sammy Hagar-era Van Halen. Finally, your chance to look mysteriously cool without having to say a single word!
The weekend began on a deceptively subdued note, but this would change.
My alarm clock performed its temporal duty, jolting me a deep slumber at the unearthly hour of 5:30 A.M. A shower washed the crunchy crystals of sleep from the corners of my eyes, and two 16-ounce mugs of coffee helped me keep them open. I phoned Edward to let him know I was on the way. No answer. Mild panic. Did he already leave? Had he changed his mind about taking me with him? Those were just a couple of the thoughts scurrying through my brain, accelerated and exacerbated by the caffeine coursing through my veins.
A day earlier, Edward Van Halen had invited me to accompany him to the NAMM Show (National Association of Music Merchants) in New Orleans. This is an annual convention where retailers, manufacturers, et al, get together to preview their new lines of guitars, amplifiers, drums, and any other musically-related gadgets and gewgaws. More than anything, though, it’s a chance to drink yourself unconscious on someone else’s dime. (more…)
Unbeknownst to me and many others, Uncle Donnie was an adviser for Van Halen from roughly 1980 through ‘85, when David Lee Roth bolted the band. Apparently, he came aboard to be in charge of their concert merchandise line (including the oft-overlooked Diamond Dave dildos, in six flashy colors—suck on that, Gene Simmons) and wound up running a number of their business affairs. Not sure what led VH to part ways with Uncle Donnie, but this memo, from around ‘85, might offer a clue or two.
TO: David Lee Roth
FROM: Don Skwatzenschitz
RE: Career Advice
Dave, I know this is a good time for you. The solo EP is selling like hotcakes; you’re all over MTV; you’re on magazine covers galore. I think it’s time you consider a—how to say it?—”Jump” in your career. A quantum leap. Time to “Run with the Devil” and “Dance the Night Away” with success. “Unchain” your potential. You get my drift? If you don’t, um, “I’ll Wait.” Here are some things to consider while I’m waiting:
Leave the band. You don’t need them now; you haven’t needed them since you stopped playing Gazzarri’s for beer money; you’re not going to need them next year, nor will you in ‘88, nor will you in ‘91—do you get the picture? On and on and on, in perpetuity, David Lee Roth is Van Halen. You can pick up a garage band and make them sound great. You can pick up a group of virtuosos and make them sound better. You are the pick that strums the guitar, the stick that hits the drum, the thumb that slaps and pops the bass. Dump ‘em. Go solo, for good. (more…)
The point of a column like this is not to be a consumer guide, or to give “thumbs up”/”thumbs down” to the latest media product (which is just as well since Ebert owns the whole thumbs-up thing and could sue the pants off me for copping his gimmick). I’m trying to engage some of the ideas underpinning popular culture — notions of authenticity, influence, presentation, expectation — and kick them around to see how they fall. I’m trying, in short, to start a conversation.
And sometimes I’m trying to start an argument. It falls to the critic sometimes to assume a contrarian stance, either by default or by design. The aim is not simply to be disagreeable, not to reflexively oppose received wisdom, but to take nothing for granted. By taking an opinion that “everybody knows” is wrong, you put your interlocutor in the position of defending the view that “everybody knows” is right, and examining why it’s right. And that’s how you get at deeper truths.
And so, in the spirit of the pursuit of knowledge (and also in the pursuit of pissing people off, why isn’t particularly helpful but which can be a whole lotta fun), here are my fightstarters — a selection of my contrarian, heretical, or just plan Wrong ideas about pop culture. You may disagree: in fact, that’s kind of the point.
A year ago, I was in the midst of an existential crisis. I was functioning fairly well in my day job capacity at UCSF, and pumping out reviews for West Coast Performer Magazine, Bullz-Eye.com, and – on occasion – Popdose as well. But to what end?
Then, on a particularly odd day when I decided to load up WCP’s MySpace page to serve as my housecleaning soundtrack, I heard a song by a band whose stock in trade was warm, friendly harmonies, a ‘60s folk-rock streak and good vibes. Lots of other bands have these qualities, but something about this one was different. It moved me in a way I couldn’t quite explain. I jumped up from my sweeping chores to see who it was, and then checked the band’s tour schedule. (more…)
Because I’m in a giving mood (and because no one, and I mean no one, ever comes to our house for candy on Halloween), I thought I would load up the musical candy bowl and liberally hand out the goodies to those who come knocking at the Popdose door.
Well, as an albino who’s also a rocker, Edgar was pretty much made to create a song called “Frankenstein.” I’ve never really been a fan of this group, and know very little about them, but our friends at Wiki had some nice tidbits: 1. Winter loves his Scientology; he’s made no public comments on what he thought of John Travolta’s performance in Battlefield Earth. 2. Dan “I Can Dream About You” Hartman was in the band at one point. 3. This song was featured in Guitar Hero — which I’ve never played. (more…)
Although released in late 1977, the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack would be impossible to ignore for much of 1978, with the Bee Gees’ “Night Fever” and “Stayin’ Alive,” as well as Yvonne Elliman’s “If I Can’t Have You,” all reaching #1. At several points during the first half of ‘78, the soundtrack album was selling over 1 million units a week.
Plus three more exciting Blade-isms, all delivered by the unstoppable Jack Blades! (Requires two AA batteries to start. Batteries not included.)![Eddie-Van-Halen[1]](http://popdose.com/wp-content/uploads/Eddie-Van-Halen1.jpg "Eddie-Van-Halen[1]")
Unbeknownst to me and many others, Uncle Donnie was an adviser for Van Halen from roughly 1980 through ‘85, when David Lee Roth bolted the band. Apparently, he came aboard to be in charge of their concert merchandise line (including the oft-overlooked Diamond Dave dildos, in six flashy colors—suck on that, Gene Simmons) and wound up running a number of their business affairs. Not sure what led VH to part ways with Uncle Donnie, but this memo, from around ‘85, might offer a clue or two.
