Stop. Freeze. Don’t you dare close this window. I know the primal urge to flee and survive is a strong one, encoded in your very DNA, but you must resist. This is gonna be a like getting a vaccination – it’ll hurt for a quick moment, but the benefits are worth it. Besides, no one’s proven the Village People cause autism. Yet.

Things weren’t looking good for the Village People in 1981, despite the sunny optimism of their last (minor) hit a couple years prior with “Ready for the ’80s.” The band’s cinematic debut, the absolutely brain-melting and essential Can’t Stop the Music (Bruce Jenner! Bath house dance sequences! Nancy “Quicker Picker Upper” Fucking Walker!) laid a big stinky at theaters, and the accompanying soundtrack album failed to chart any Top 40 hits. The winking “are they or aren’t they” disco camp sensibility of the group was quickly being replaced by the pop equivalent of pinkeye, a crusty virus no one in their right mind wants. The Village People needed a revamp, fast. So, what bandwagon to jump on when the disco gravy train ended? Why, the next trendy movement associated with vaguely gay music stars — the New Romantic movement!

Yes, that’s your cowboy, Indian, construction worker, Naval officer, leather guy and cop under all that pancake, mascara and hair gel, looking like they came late for the Spandau Ballet auditions. While the new image was complete, next came the music. Since my long-treasured copy of Renaissance was wiped out in the Great Mom Vinyl Purge of 1989 (I was in the Army, so my mother took the opportunity to put my entire vinyl collection — albums, 12″ singles and 45s I had been collecting since 1973 — in a garage sale for 50¢ each. Thanks, mom!), I had to turn to fellow ‘Doser Will, who provided the goods like some filthy crack dealer. So what exactly does New Romantic Village People sound like? Not too different than disco Village People, really. (more…)