I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Kanye suckye.

Also, I love that Kermit was Lady Gaga's date, because Kermit is awesome.

I have a post-mortem question about the Kanye thing: I thought that all of the songs in the clip sounded alike. Does this mean that I am finally old?

And of course that was staged. MTV needs to prove that it is all wild and rock-n-roll, and it's not Eminem's turn.

woo! I like Gaga, and it is good to hear her music reward...

Bummer, doesn't start in the West till midnight eastern. Would've been fun to join in!

A boneheaded move on MTV's part if you ask me.

For anyone wishing to avoid the pre-kindergarten art project that is the official MTV website, here is the rundown of tonight's nominees. I've taken the liberty of adding my predictions.

Video of the Year
Lady Gaga, "Poker Face" (Not the year for Buttaface)
Beyonce, "Single Ladies" (With Jay-Z sitting in the audience, you think they won't vote for this?)
Eminem, "We Made You" (Wherein we learn Em is no longer the New White)
Kanye West, "Love Lockdown" (This is the one with the rampaging Zulus, right? Even I was offended.)
Britney Spears, "Womanizer" (They want to vote for this to encourage more Brit Bombing. It's Beyonce's year.)

Best Female Video
Lady Gaga, "Poker Face" (I thought I made myself clear on this one.)
Beyonce, "Single Ladies" (This category is a dead heat with...)
Katy Perry, "Hot n Cold" (Beyonce's only competition here.)
Kelly Clarkson, "My Life Would Suck Without You" (We're so moving on.)
Pink, "So What" (Isn't there a football game on somewhere?)
Taylor Swift, "You Belong With Me" (Country fares very poorly. It looks like a squeaker but it's Katy Perry for the win - then watch her run like hell before Jay-Z's entourage takes her out.)

Best Male Video
Eminem, "We Made You" (Who you calling "we"?)
Kanye West, "Love Lockdown" (I mean, really. Zulu rampage. What the hell?)
Jay-Z, "D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune)" (Hova's not going to like this...)
Ne-Yo, "Miss Independent" (Oh no, Ne-Yo, you go.)
T.I. featuring Rihanna, "Live Your Life" (In a knee-jerk reaction to the Chris Brown battery of earlier this year, Rihanna for the sentimental win. T.I. got lucky.)

Best Pop Video
Britney Spears, "Womanizer" (Does anyone have the tranquilizer gun ready, just in case?)
Lady Gaga, "Poker Face" (They might throw her a bone this time. Insert your own joke.)
Beyonce, "Single Ladies" (I'm still thinking this is going to win.)
Cobra Starship, "Good Girls Go Bad" (This band doesn't deserve to scrape the skids off of my toilet.)
Wisin Y Yandel, "Abusadora" (Whatsanowzis? It's Beyonce and Gaga round the far turn, Beyonce, Gaga, Beyonce, Gaga, it's Beyonce in a photo finish.)

Best New Artist
Lady Gaga (If she's shut out of the other categories, it's Gaga's to lose.)
Drake (I prefer Tastykakes, myself.)
Kid Cudi (Eeeeew! Cudis!)
Asher Roth (The New White. Sad, but true.)
3OH!3 (3OH!3?? WTF? Gaga gets her stupid Spaceman statue here.)

Best Rock Video
Coldplay, "Viva La Vida" (The tide has turned. Ain't no stage big enough for Chris Martin and his ego.)
Fall Out Boy, "I Don't Care" (Will Pete Wentz bring Ashlee? I don't care.)
Green Day, "21 Guns" (Punk balladry? And bullet holes? Sign me up!)
Kings of Leon, "Use Somebody" (It's funny if you imagine Jean Reno singing this.)
Paramore, "Decode" (Decoy. Where's the real fifth nominee? Green Day takes a stand for guyliner everywhere.)

Best Hip Hop Video
Eminem, "We Made You" (GO AWAY PALE MAN.)
Kanye West, "Love Lockdown" (No, I really friggin' mean it. If Eminem made this video, can you imagine the shitstorm it would cause? ZULUS!!)
Jay-Z, "D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune)" (No need to brush off the shoulders.)
Asher Roth, "I Love College" (You do, huh? Too bad you're gonna learn a hard lesson tonight.)
Flo Rida, "Right Round" (I liked the version from The Wedding Singer better. Jay-Z gets 99 votes while the rest get none.)

Best Breakthrough Video
Death Cab For Cutie: "Grapevine Fires" (You took Zooey off the market, Gibbard. Screw - You.)
Gnarls Barkley: "Who’s Gonna Save My Soul" (This is the one with the killer claymation heart, right?)
Anjulie: "Boom" (Bust.)
Cold War Kids: "I've Seen Enough" (What the voters said midway.)
Chairlift: "Evident Utensil" (If it's so evident, why am I only hearing about it now?)
Bat For Lashes: "Daniel" (Natasha Khan should win, but this ain't about shoulda's.)
Major Lazer: "Hold The Line" (No need. If you're waiting for the head to clear out, you won't have to rush back to the auditorium anytime soon.)
Passion Pit: "The Reeling" (Along with previous losers, "The Stowing, The Gathering, and Had Enough Of Mine.)
Matt & Kim: "Lessons Learned" (Lesson Number One, you do not talk about the 2009 MTV Music Video Awards.)
Yeah Yeah Yeahs: "Heads Will Roll" (It would be so very, very worth it just to see Karen O unleash a universe of crazy on the audience, but the statue's going to Gnarls Barkley and that nasty little cannibalistic heart.)

That's a lot of analysis. I hope it doesn't mean that we have to take this absurd ceremony seriously. Me, I'm only tuning in for Russell Brand.

I barely can stand most of the nominees, much less take them seriously. This big ol' horse ain't filled with candy, I can tell you that!